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Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

The Deepest Form Of Loneliness

Published on August 16, 2021

The deepest form of loneliness doesn’t come from being estranged from others.

It comes from being estranged from ourself.

How do we become estranged from ourself?

The same way we might become estranged from others:

  • By not being friendly.
  • By not initiating conversation.
  • By not asking interesting questions.
  • By not surrounding ourself with people whom we might relate to.
  • By not doing what we say we’ll do or following up on things discussed.

The relationship we have with ourself is no different. We must:

  • Be kind to ourself.
  • Initiate and properly guide our inner conversations.
  • Learn how to ask better, more empowering questions.
  • Immerse ourself in environments and media that is constructive.
  • Do the things we say we’ll do and check in with ourself regularly.

When you become a kind and loving friend to yourself, how could you ever truly be lonely?

Familiar Pain

Published on August 15, 2021

Most of us will choose a familiar pain over an unknown alternative.

We gravitate towards the familiar because it gives us a false sense of safety.

And so long as we continue to cling to that false sense of safety, we shouldn’t expect to get anything different than the same old, familiar pain. Time and time again.

But, what if, what lies in the unknown isn’t greater pain, but a place where there’s better pain?

What if, it’s precisely in the unknown where the pains of growth, love, and healing lie?

What Are You Going To Do About It?

Published on August 13, 2021

The real source of your problems doesn’t come from your circumstances.

The real source of your problems comes from the person looking back at you when you look in the mirror.

See that person?

Sure, they haven’t been given the best start in life. But, neither has countless others. It can’t be changed so might as well focus on what’s important: what you’re going to do about it.

See, here’s the thing: that person in the mirror didn’t choose their starting line, but here’s what they have chosen:

  • When to start running.
  • At what pace to run.
  • How often to run vs. not run.
  • Who to run next to.
  • How seriously to take their running.
  • Where they want their finish line to be.
  • What to do when the running isn’t going well.
  • What to do when the running is going really well.
  • How often to invest in becoming a better runner.
  • Who’s brains they pick and how they apply the insight they gather.

People who blame their circumstances don’t get ahead, not because they started behind, but because they stay behind while they continue to blame, yell, and shout at their starting line.

The people who get ahead are the ones who: rather than source problems to circumstances, focus energy on solutions; rather than blame what’s out of their control, change what’s within it; rather than compare where they started, just get started!

Don’t Ignore Pain

Published on August 12, 2021

Pain is a signal.

From your body? It’s a signal that should lead to rest, rehab, reflection, recovery, TLC, behavior change, and/or the seeking of professional help.

From your emotions? It’s a signal that should lead to, well, rest, rehab, reflection, recovery, TLC, behavior change, and/or the seeking of professional help.

Pain is not a signal to speed up—it’s a signal to slow down or stop altogether.

Don’t ignore signals.

On Talking To Someone Who Turns To A Screen

Published on August 11, 2021

If we’re talking and you turn to a screen, I’m going to completely stop talking until you turn back.

Point blank.

Here’s why:

A) Something popped into your mind that you felt was more important than our conversation, so I’m not going to distract you while you handle whatever it was that couldn’t wait. And I’m either going to postpone our conversation until you’re done or standby awkwardly until you’re ready to continue.

B) You decided the conversation wasn’t worth your undivided attention and so you divided it to keep yourself maximally stimulated. Now, since 1) multi-tasking is a myth, 2) most communication happens visually, 3) I’m not interested in repeating myself and/or having a throttled conversation—I’m going to do us both a favor and stop communicating altogether.

Because you know what’s worse than not communicating at all?

Fragmented communication that gets misconstrued. I’ve learned this the hard way.

So, go ahead: check your screen—I’ll wait. Or maybe I won’t.

But, I’m definitely not going to keep talking to a fragmented piece of your attention.

When ‘Being Difficult’ Is Required

Published on August 10, 2021

I’m not one to be difficult but I’ll fight like hell to protect my mental space.

Some things are worth being difficult over and it’s important to recognize that.

When I’m reading/ writing/ or otherwise doing deep work, for example, my phone is on silent, my internet tabs are closed, and my headphones are playing white noise on full volume.

It’s incredibly difficult to get a hold of me once I’ve entered this space.

Why do I do this?

Because I can’t do deep work with constant interruptions. And if I’m going to maximize my time in a deep work state, then I need to fight the resistance that comes with these efforts to protect that space.

And fight I will.

And when it comes to your mental space—so should you.

The Secret To Building Self-Discipline

Published on August 9, 2021

The reason people fail to discipline themselves is because their “why” isn’t strong enough.

Many people’s “whys” are actually quite superficial. They’re focused on weight, waist size, number of abs showing, number of “0s” in the account, brand names, follower count, verified badges, etc.

The solution is to go deeper. And motivation will increase in proportion to the depth of the “why.”

For example, is the goal: weight, waist size, number of abs showing or is it really self-confidence?

If the goal is self-confidence and it’s being measured with a superficial marker like a scale—of course motivation will be lost when the scale yo-yos or doesn’t change.

If you’re going to stay consistent through the yo-yos and plateaus, you need to go deeper.

And if you don’t feel confident in yourself now, you need to figure out why.

Are you comparing yourself to who you were yesterday or other people? Do you hate the way being overweight feels? Does being overweight conflict with your identity?

Dig deeper into the real reason why you want to lose weight, reduce your waist size, and increase your ab count (or whatever) and align your actions with that reason instead—not number games.

E.g. I’m working out because I hate the way being overweight feels and I know that the temporary pain of exercise is worth more than the lasting pain of being uncomfortable in my own skin—versus—I’m working out to lose weight.

Remember: when you align your tasks with a strong enough “why,” you’ll be able to bear almost any “how.”