Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

A Case Against BIG Goals

Published on December 19, 2023

If you’re the type of person who likes to set BIG goals, but usually only commits small effort or only lasts for short periods of time… might I suggest doing the opposite this year…

There’s nothing inherently wrong with BIG goals… but, there is a problem with not following through on what you say you’re going to do. The problem slowly becomes one of self-belief and self-trust.

Saying you’re going to do something that you don’t end up doing has the same impact on your inner relationship as it does with a spousal or friendly relationship. Tell your wife you’re going to give her the world and yet haven’t even delivered a bouquet of flowers… and you’re going to develop trust issues. Tell your friend you’d do anything for them, but can’t make time to hang out with them once in a month? …And, again, you’re going to develop trust issues.

Back to my original suggestion…

What if, this year, you set a small goal, but delivered on it in a HUGE way?

What if you read one page of a book every day for the entire year?

…Or did five push-ups every day for the entire year?

…Or spent ten minutes every day completely present and undistracted with your family?

The benefit would be two-fold. First, you’ll get the inherent benefit of the task compounded over an extended period of time. But, second, and this is the real key… you’ll start building/ repairing self-belief and self-trust.

…So that when you say you’re going to do something, you (they) actually believe it.

Talk Goals Crumble

Published on December 18, 2023

Anyone can say, “My goal is to read 100 books in 2024” or “My resolution is to exercise every day” or “This year, I’m going to make six figures online.”

And in many cases… this is as far as people will go with goal setting… saying it.

Which is why… when the excitement of the new year wanes… and a few curveballs are thrown… and there’s sleepiness… Talk Goals crumble.

…Because the only thing holding them up is a weak frame of verbal commitment that’s based on an external energy source (the new year).

All goals should be Systems Goals that can be kept in place regardless of motivation levels, curve balls, and/or sleepiness.

In fact, good systems take each of the above factors into account ahead of time, EXPECT them to happen, and have an action plan ready to be deployed when they do.

Let’s take reading 100 books as an example. If we assume the average book length is 300 pages, then you’d have to read ~82 pages per day to reach 100 books by the end of the year (100 books x 300 pages each = 30,000 total pages / 365 days = ~82 pages per day).

So the system would be read 100 pages every day at [x] time in [x] place and to read at least ONE page on the curveball days, of which, you’ve accounted one day per week for (by reading more on the other days).

Obviously, personalize accordingly (my guide was built to help you do exactly this).

Bottom line: before you commit to a goal, rigorously inspect and question the system(s) you’d have to commit to in order to achieve that goal. THEN commit.

Raindrops

Published on December 17, 2023

There’s something primal about playing in the rain.

We spend so much of our time worrying about how we look, trying to keep dry, dodging the literal and metaphorical raindrops of our modern day world… that it almost feels rebellious and freeing to just say EFFIT! …And spend a few hours soaking in it all.

…And not only disregard how we look and disregard all cares about getting wet (physically and metaphorically)… but, allow ourselves to, as we all have at distinct times in our lives, feel the rain once again.

P.s. I also published: 40 Bessel van der Kolk Quotes on Trauma and Healing from The Body Keeps The Score

On Going Out And Dancing

Published on December 16, 2023

“I saw him dancing on the dance floor on New Year’s Eve with two empty champagne glasses and I knew I had to meet him.”

This is what one of the parents told me when I asked her how she and her husband met.

She added, “I wasn’t even going to go out that night, but my friends forced me.”

And there they were, coming up on their 33rd New Year’s Eve together.

I love this story for two reasons.

One, it’s a wonderful reminder to dance. To put yourself out there and worry less about what other people think. It’s exactly how you eventually attract the ones who see you for who you are… not for who you go on pretending to be.

Two, it’s a wonderful reminder to do things—even when you sometimes don’t want to. I’m the type who can stay home for an entire weekend, alone, and love every second of it. And a lot of the time, that’s exactly what I’ll do. But, when I make plans to go out or do something fun (which I often have to remind myself to do), I try to stick to them. Because I know that while staying in can serve a valuable purpose… going out can, too.

…And what a shame it would be to miss the chance to meet the person who may very well lead to the adventure that lasts a lifetime.

Less, But Better

Published on December 15, 2023

I don’t know you.

But, if I had to take a guess, I’d say you generally feel pretty busy.

…Like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

…Like you’re constantly juggling more balls than you can manage.

…Like no matter what you do, it isn’t enough and you always feel like you’re falling short.

This is the modern way… Hustle more. Do more. Make more. Maximize. Outperform.

And if it is… how’s that been going for you?

…Constantly stressed? Always overwhelmed with anxiety? Feeling insecure and wanting to drown in distractions anytime and always?

What if in 2024… you tried a new approach?

What if in 2024… you tried doing… less?

What if in 2024… instead of trying to juggle seven balls… you hyper focused on five instead?

What if instead of adding to your life… which is what most people will undoubtedly try to do with their new year resolution(s)… what if you tried subtracting from your life so you could focus more of your precious life energy on what’s essential?

…What if instead of giving essential tasks what’s leftover after long, hard days, you gave those tasks some of the best energy of your days?

What if this next year was your year for less… but, better?

What if you spent a few minutes today planning out what that might look like and started… tomorrow instead?

When Freedom Is Bad For Goals

Published on December 14, 2023

Having the freedom to do something “anytime” is the same as having something to do that has zero deadline.

And I don’t know about you, but when I’m assigned a project that has zero deadline… I back-burner that sucker until further notice.

…Until I have more time to do non-urgent things.

And I don’t know about you, but “more time to do non-urgent things” rarely, if ever, just pops into my schedule.

…And I don’t know about you, but I’m rarely in the mood to catch up on additional work when it does. It’s during those times that I’m usually most sick of work and want to unplug and do anything BUT more work.

So, I don’t know about you, but with 2024 approaching and new year resolutions on mind… I’d say we take away “anytime” from our goal timelines.

As I reflect back on 2023… I think it’s precisely this freedom to do things how and when I want to do them—without needing to report to anyone else or hit any specific deadlines—that has held me back.

And it’s funny because it’s not like this is news to me, nor do I think it’s news to you. Of course deadlines help with goal achievement. The trick, however, is in learning how to set deadlines for yourself, by yourself, when the only consequence is the freedom to change it again.

P.s. Now is the perfect time to reflect on your life’s direction. Going fast is the modern day default… going fast in the wrong direction, however, can end up being one of your life’s biggest regrets. Get your direction right with my guide, on sale now ➜

Missing The Point Of Meditation

Published on December 13, 2023

One of my goals for 2024 is to become as consistent with meditation as I am with writing.

When sharing this goal with some of my associates, two of them said they want to meditate and know the values of meditating, but “can’t.” That they “aren’t good” at it. That their mind is “too busy” and “chaotic.”

One even said he plans to start meditating after his business reaches certain goals so that he can do more “relaxing” things like meditate.

…This is a misunderstanding.

Meditation isn’t something you’re “good” at. It doesn’t require you to sit and have zero thoughts. It isn’t something you do only when you aren’t busy.

Meditation is the means towards mental clarity. It’s precisely the strategy you deploy to calm a busy / chaotic mind. There are no prerequisites and having a certain number of thoughts isn’t the measure of how “good” or “bad” you are at it.

It’s an opportunity to (finally) cease the constant influx of information. It’s an opportunity to allow the already overstimulated mind a chance to settle what’s there. And there’s nothing to be good at—it’s literally the act of doing nothing.

…It’s the antidote to the media driven, information crazed, busywork addicted modern society so many of us live in. Again, I repeat: it’s the antidote—not some type of reward or achievement that comes from a calmer lifestyle.

And to say you’ll start when things “calm down” is to miss the point entirely. Because you know when a great time is to calm down your mind, witness your thoughts, and become more present in your life? …Now.

While life is happening to you.

This is the point.