You can’t take away other people’s emotional pain.
No matter how much you love them; care for them; feel sympathy for them.
Emotional pain, like physical pain, is for the beholder to bear.
Any attempt to take away or “shoulder” another person’s emotional pain will only further delay their healing process. Because feeling is how emotional pain is released.
Be aware that you’re shouldering other people’s emotional pain when you:
- Try to fix relationship issues that aren’t yours to fix
- Have tough conversations for people that don’t involve you
- Micromanage someone’s lifestyle because “you know better”
There is no way around it; there is no “transferrable” option—the pain we’ve been dealt is the pain we have to confront.
What you can do, as a person who feels compassion for another person experiencing pain, is give them support—particularly your presence.
The same kind of support you would offer someone who got physically hurt.
You wouldn’t say: “Oh gosh! That looks like it hurts… want me to heal that pain for you?”
You’d do things more along the lines of:
- Helping remove them from painful situations (so it doesn’t get worse)
- Helping them get more comfortable/calm (so they can deal with the pain in a better state)
- Helping them get unrelated things done (so that they can have more energy for healing)
And, of course, just being present is powerful in and of itself.
This lets them know that they’re not alone to bear the weight of the pain; that it’s okay to feel and isn’t something that needs to be hidden; that they are accepted—even during their low points.
And what a true gift that can be.