One of my martial arts students lost his belt a few weeks ago because he was hitting people and being unsafe in various situations.
Yesterday, he finally earned it back.
And right in that moment of elation while he was hugging it and looking to his guardian’s face for cues on how to feel and act… she pointed to his chest and said, “Do you feel that? That’s proud. You’re proud of yourself for doing so much better at managing big emotions and being safe.”
Naming the emotion, especially for kids who are navigating whirlwinds of complicated ever-changing emotions, is one of the fundamental first steps in helping them understand how to act and respond to what’s otherwise unknown, unidentified, and unclear.
…And so it is for adults.
Because what happens when there are big unknown, unidentified, and unclear emotions is that we start busting at the seams with energy that we don’t know how to direct—and we start reacting (mindlessly) instead of responding (mindfully).
But big emotions aren’t something to fear—it’s the very substance of what gives our lives vibrancy. We simply need to learn how to better identify what it is we’re feeling so that we can respond (not react) in ways that are proven to help.
For example:
- Feeling anxious/overwhelmed? Go for a walk and/or do mindfulness/breathing exercises.
- Feeling angry/frustrated? Create a relationship boundary or stand up for what’s right.
- Feeling stressed? (Re)prioritize rest or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
How are you feeling right now? Can you name the emotion? Do you know how to direct the energy of the emotion in a constructive way? Try doing this at least one time today.