I was reading an inner work reflection from a chronic talker.
She was saying that she’s the type who, if you let her, would talk your ear off all day.
But, after some careful inner work, what she realized is that a conversation in which people are talking, but not listening, is not really a conversation. And as much as she liked to talk, what she really wanted to do was connect.
…Which I think is why any of us talk.
It’s the following specific examples she gave that I thought were most interesting. She said:
- She talks about what she does because she craves appreciation and admiration—and she wants to inspire someone.
- She talks about what’s on her mind because she wants to know that she’s not alone—and wants to feel accepted and validated.
- She talks about what she knows because she wants to show that she has something to offer.
Talking for her is asking for attention, praise, acceptance, and love.
But, as mentioned at the beginning, talking isn’t always the way there.
What’s needed is listening. What’s needed is care. What’s needed is compassion.
I share this today for two reasons. One, so that you might better understand the talkers in your life and look more mindfully for ways to connect vs just converse with them. And two, so that you might reflect on your own need to talk and question the “why” behind it. Is saying what you want to say going to help you achieve what it is you’re really after? Or is it actually just an empty effort that’ll lead you astray?