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Month: September 2025

A Friend’s Brother Passed Away Over The Weekend

Published on September 22, 2025

When his wife texted me about it, I offered my condolences and told her not to hesitate about reaching out if there’s anything I could do.

She replied in a way nobody has ever replied to this sentiment before.

She said, “Thank you! If you have time to stop by our house and just sit with him for a while that would mean a lot. We are here all weekend.”

And so I did.

And let me tell you, it felt like the best thing I could’ve done.

…Better than cards, flowers, or heartfelt text messages—not that there’s anything wrong with these.

…It’s just to say presence is one of the—if not the—best forms of support during indescribably hard times.

“…But Look At All You Remembered!”

Published on September 21, 2025

At my grandmother’s 90th birthday party this past weekend, a family member made a comment to her that she was sorry she forgot the lighter.

…And my grandmother looked around the room—at the 23+ family members, 5 of whom were under the age of 10, 7 of whom were printed onto poster board and glued to a stick (because they weren’t able to make it from out of town), the array of eaten-clean plates and sipped-dry glasses, the custom decorated cupcakes, the private room in the favorite restaurant with the incredible waitress—and said, “but look at all that you remembered…!”

You Should Thank Your Perfectionism

Published on September 20, 2025

A martial arts student of mine tested for her new belt the other night.

She made some mistakes and blamed her perfectionism for it. She said she was “too much in her head” and the obsessing over the details messed up her flow and ability to perform.

What I told her is that perfectionism is as much a strength as it is a weakness—like most things in life. And it isn’t something that should be blamed, but something she should seek to better understand.

See perfectionism is really just a close attention to detail and a desire to get things right. This is an excellent virtue to have. Heck, without details, martial arts would stop being an art and would become arbitrary movement. And without a desire to get things right, what the heck are we even doing?

Where perfectionism goes wrong is when we expect ourselves to be perfect… and react to mistakes in destructive, unhealthy, or unproductive ways. What we have to understand is that to be human is to be imperfect—it is wired into our very nature.

And rather than blaming perfectionism for our mistakes… we should thank our perfectionism for making us care about the details… and use it as fuel to get back to our training in an even more deliberate, healthy, and productive way.

This is what she was missing.

See it wasn’t the perfectionism… it was the expectations and lack of practice. Get those two things right and suddenly perfectionism becomes the best thing to ever happened to you.

…I know it feels that way to me.

“I Don’t Match The Energy, I Set The Standard.”

Published on September 19, 2025

…Is a powerful mantra to help guide you through days filled with difficult, annoying, lethargic, frustrating, unjust type people (and more).

A coworker hit you with a bunch of negative energy? Hit them back with a bunch of the opposite. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Eating highly processed fast food a norm in your family? Lead by example and prepare wholesome, easy, nutrient dense meals. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Find yourself in a situation where something wrong is happening and everybody around you is a bystander? Stand up and speak out. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Did you hate the way somebody taught you (or tried to teach you) a lesson? Teach that lesson to somebody else in a way you would’ve loved to have learned it. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Hate how divisive news, media, and politics is making our society? Turn it all off and volunteer at a local nonprofit or soup kitchen—something that’ll connect you to other humans regardless of their background, beliefs, or political standing. Don’t match their energy; set the standard.

Now go ahead and write this on your bathroom mirror or save it as the background of your phone. And keep it at the forefront of your mind so you can help us not only set… but raise the standard.

“It’s A Long Story…”

Published on September 18, 2025

One night, while dancing hysterically at Burning Man, three others who were dancing hysterically joined me—right in the middle of a massive crowd in front of an incredible DJ set.

In the heat of this incredible exchange, we all got to talking and one of these dancers mentioned that she was having a really emotional burn. And when I asked her why, she said it was a long story.

I told her to take her time and not to shorten it at all.

A little taken aback, she paused, looked at me to gather more information, visibly relaxed once she saw I was serious, and then leaned towards me and began…

And for the next few minutes, she told me about how one of her campmates had a miscarriage at burning man a few years ago… and how they managed to revive the baby… and how later that week… after the indescribable wave of emotions… the baby passed.

…And how deeply it effected everybody in the camp.

At the end of the story, she looked me dead in the eye, into what felt like my soul, and thanked me for saying what I said and holding the space for her to share that story.

I share this to serve as a reminder that “It’s a long story” is often a key that opens up deeper layers of a person, and to not miss your chance to open that door—if you feel like it’s appropriate—when it’s presented to you.

Q4 Check-In

Published on September 17, 2025

At the martial arts school I teach at, we’re doing quarter check-ins.

This is the time when we touch base on how the last three months went and we set a goal or formulate a plan for the upcoming quarter.

This not only gives students a sense of accountability, but it forces them to reflect and plan. Which, amidst the busyness of everyday life, can easily get overlooked and postponed.

But, without these reflection and goal setting blocks… how can we course correct? How can we identify a bad trajectory? How can we set a new trajectory?

The point is it’s very hard to do so without a time block devoted to it.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be long. Our quarter check-ins typically last 5-15 minutes. And the great news is that, generally speaking, those 5-15 minutes can alter the entire trajectory of your quarter… maybe even your whole life.

And the bad news, of course, is that if you don’t have time to do it, well… the opposite is just as true as well.

On Solving Problems You’re Used To Other People Solving For You

Published on September 16, 2025

The very first time my Burning Man RV-mate went to ride his bike, after just having purchased it the day before, the tire went flat.

He didn’t even get one pedal in when he sat on the bike and watched the rim sink into the ground.

Seeing this, my first reaction was to recommend he take it to one of the bike camps and have them fix it—stemming from the same learned helplessness I mentioned yesterday.

But, he had a much different, “This is no big deal” and “It’ll only take five minutes” type of attitude that had him already gathering supplies before I could even finish my thought about which camp to take it to.

…And it was maybe a total of fifteen minutes later when he was riding off on his completely repaired bike, well before any of the bike camps would’ve been able to do anything about it.

Watching him do this and working with my other campmate on fixing her bike gave me a confidence in not only working with bikes, but as I mentioned yesterday, in trusting myself and my own problem-solving skills.

…Skills I realized grow not only with formal teaching, but with experimentation and time invested—something I knew cranially but knew better viscerally after getting down and dirty and actually having done it myself.

Because at the end of the week, on the biggest night of Burning Man—the night of the man burn—as I hopped on my bike to join the camp squad going, guess who got a flat tire?

That’s right.

…And guess who fixed it in about 20 minutes and still made it in time?

That’s right.