What do you think is more important in life: money or happiness?
Of course, the two don’t need to be mutually exclusive, but think about this:
Most of us block 40ish hours of our week, every week, to money.
…How many hours do we (you) block for happiness?
One of my martial arts students tested for her first belt tonight.
At the end, I asked her what she wanted to improve in her life as an accompanying challenge with the new rank.
She said, “I need to improve my Work/Life Balance, I’d like to work on my strength, …” and before she could list anything else I stopped her.
“Just one thing.” I told her.
And so we talked about work/life balance.
We made a specific plan that had a singular focus to it.
And she’s going to work the plan for the next three months up until her next belt test.
Then—and only then—after she tests for her next belt, will we discuss the next “just one thing.” And only if, of course, this current challenge has been successfully completed.
Regardless of whether or not you’re a martial artist, you should try following a similar protocol.
As much as we want to improve everything at once, just one thing at a time is how anything is ever really changed.
A very talented young teenager spoke to me about her struggles with continued martial arts training last night.
She felt like she wasn’t seeing tangible results from taking classes and didn’t feel very motivated to continue because of it.
She’s fit. She’s very flexible. And she’s well coordinated.
…Class-to-class, she wasn’t seeing any noticeable differences in these area—and with no tangible changes, why work so damn hard?
What I spent a solid 20 minutes talking to her about were intangible changes that come with work ethic and dedicated commitment. The obscure—only noticeable to the trained inner eye—changes that happen within.
We talked about further developing the ability to perform under pressure (and how that relates to the high pressure careers she’s aiming for)… her confidence in being able to defend against bigger, stronger, faster assailants… about having a creative outlet for self-expression (something she admitted she didn’t have outside of martial arts)… about having a safe space for mental health breaks/resets… And finally, we talked about legacy and if she was 70 years old looking back on this stage of her life, if she would regret not pushing herself further to see what she was truly capable of… she said she would.
When we don’t try very hard it’s easy to get lost in appearances.
…To judge progress solely on tangibles. To judge a book by its cover. To determine worth based on social media metrics.
But, if we try a little harder… if we look a little closer… we’ll see there’s a whole (inner) world of data to be processed and developed.
…Which might turn out to be the most tangible indicators of progress of all.
I was reading an inner work reflection from a chronic talker.
She was saying that she’s the type who, if you let her, would talk your ear off all day.
But, after some careful inner work, what she realized is that a conversation in which people are talking, but not listening, is not really a conversation. And as much as she liked to talk, what she really wanted to do was connect.
…Which I think is why any of us talk.
It’s the following specific examples she gave that I thought were most interesting. She said:
Talking for her is asking for attention, praise, acceptance, and love.
But, as mentioned at the beginning, talking isn’t always the way there.
What’s needed is listening. What’s needed is care. What’s needed is compassion.
I share this today for two reasons. One, so that you might better understand the talkers in your life and look more mindfully for ways to connect vs just converse with them. And two, so that you might reflect on your own need to talk and question the “why” behind it. Is saying what you want to say going to help you achieve what it is you’re really after? Or is it actually just an empty effort that’ll lead you astray?
A buddy of mine said to me, “Yeah, I’m going to have to plan another get together… because if I don’t do it then it won’t happen.”
…And isn’t this the truth for so many of us in life?
Unless, of course, you’re one of the lucky ones who has a “connection facilitator” in your life that does the inviting, planning, organizing, messaging, and hosting.
Which is essentially what I said back to this buddy of mine: They’re lucky to have you.
Because it takes courage and work and time to facilitate a successful gathering—even if it’s with good friends.
And if you’re one of the rare ones who’s doing this on a regular basis, and is swimming up against the societal norms of digital “connection” and screen time interactions—and is facilitating IRL meet ups and get togethers—thank you.
…You’re doing more for your community than you might ever truly know.
And if you’re not… an inner work prompt to reflect on is… what’s stopping you from becoming one?
Today marks 2,000 days of daily writing.
And in each of those days… with only few exceptions… the daily writing was one of the—if not the—most important parts of my day. It’s ranked right up there with exercise, reading, building, and serving…
And nothing, not any of the above mentioned items or anything otherwise, has helped me grow as a person more than these daily reflective pieces. Especially when I think in terms of mental clarity, self awareness, emotional intelligence, general council, and public speaking…
The fact that these pieces have maybe helped others along the way is a bonus.
2,000 days ago, I decided simply to share my thoughts on a quote. And I did so again the next day. And the day after that. And each day, I renewed this simple decision with the intent of doing inward exploration and packaging it in a way that might serve others. And slowly, it evolved into what it is today.
My offering for you today, on this landmark day for me, is a simple one: invest in yourself daily. Simple is better than complex. Direction is more important than speed. And inner work should be prioritize over outward consumption. Package it in a way that serves others only as a bonus and as a secondary intent. And fight like hell to keep the streak alive.
…Because what you’re really fighting to keep alive: is the prospect of realizing the greatest version of yourself. Which only is and only ever has been realized one day forward at a time.
Nothing will give life “problems” perspective like hearing a good friend with Stage 4 cancer—eyes swollen with tears—say, “I am just so thankful for each day…”
I hope this is never something you have to hear.
But, if you imagine you did, like I did, you might leave this short reading with a life perspective that’s costing somebody else the threat of their life to gain.
…And all you need to do is shut up the noise… and really hear.