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Month: February 2025

Grab The Sticks And Hit

Published on February 6, 2025

One of my favorite memories with Jayh was at a New Year’s Eve party.

We were at my friend Tony’s house who had a music room. There was a drum set, a keyboard, a mic, and speakers playing smooth tunes as we prepped to ring in the new year.

At one point, Tony started playing the keyboard and riffing on the mic. Jayh came up to me and said, “Matt, take the drums!”

And I told him something along the lines of, “Not a chance…” And proceeded to explain that I didn’t have a musical bone in my body.

And Jayh looked at me… almost dumfounded and said, “Bro. You grab the sticks and hit.”

And while I continued to insist against it, he went in and grabbed the sticks and hit.

Zero hesitation. All heart.

What he said that night didn’t get me to play the drums… but, it’s resonated in my head ever since.

…Just grab the sticks and hit.

Why complicate it? Everybody starts somewhere. And the more we tell ourselves we can’t or we’re not good enough or “we’re not musical enough…” the more we’re going to hold ourselves back from starting.

…And there are a bunch of really great memories that each of us have missed because of it.

On Drinking Poison

Published on February 5, 2025

One of my students was telling me about a friend who has become increasingly toxic in her life.

She brings miserable energy, gossips constantly, and gaslights people into conflicts.

The problem, she continued, is that she’s also lonely and constantly reaches out for connection and help.

While there’s no easy, universal answer to a situation like this (there are many nuances that should be considered in each individual situation)—the bottom line I told her is this: your primary duty in life is and should always be to protect and prioritize yourself and your own wellbeing first.

…Without that, everything else collapses.

And if a friend—or family member even—is causing you mental, emotional, or physical harm… then you need to prioritize them OUT of your life.

The how is largely going to depend on the individual circumstances. In some cases, it may need to be done drastically and all at once. In others, it may need to be done slowly and discreetly. But, that it needs to happen is almost undeniable.

…Think about it like this: how much poison is an acceptable amount of poison to drink daily?

None.

Obviously.

Does this mean you should avoid all toxicity like poison? Not necessarily. Pick your battles and fight your fight when you need to. But the reality of life is: nobody is coming to save us—we must save ourselves.

And drawing clear boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person (only gaslighters will make you think that)… they make you a BETTER one. And the better you become, ironically, the more you’ll be able to help others with the extra strength and energy you’ve saved.

On Simplifying Religion

Published on February 5, 2025

While at Jayh’s wake last week… one of the pastors made a comment that stuck with me.

He said something along the lines of, “Why complicate religion? Forget all of the endless interpretations from the endless lines of religious text and simplify. For me, it all boils down to two lines: Love God and Love Thy Neighbor. Period.”

And he continued by saying if what you’re doing in life doesn’t model those two lines, then you need to check your religion.

This reflects one of my core beliefs that comes from the Dalai Lama. When asked to define his religion he said, “My religion is kindness.” …And if there’s any concept that needs to be more closely interpreted for integration into life practice… it’s that line.

Don’t miss the forest for the trees. Don’t get caught up in the nuances. Don’t overthink what most religious texts try to make predominantly and abundantly clear… LOVE is the bottom line. KINDNESS is the interpretation. TOWARDS ALL is who we should include in our practice. NOW… TODAY… is when it’s needed.

…More than ever.

Lost In The Mix

Published on February 3, 2025

One of the worst things you can do at the start of a journey of learning… is compare yourself to those who have already reached mastery.

Suddenly, you’re going to see they’ve put in 10,000+ hours and if that’s where you want to be… then tick, tock, tick, tock… the clock is going to feel like you’re biggest adversary.

Deliberate practice for that long… you’ll tell yourself… is for a younger, more independent, freer me. And you’ll start looking for and finding the reasons why mastery isn’t probable.

But, like a clock stared at while working a dreaded shift at work… it’s the perspective that becomes the greatest obstacle towards achievement—not the gap of time.

And rather than count how many hours you have to spend before you reach a certain level or count how many steps ahead of you different people are… what you really have to do is what they found a way to do for all that time that lead up to mastery…

And that’s to get lost in the steps… to get lost in the hours… to learn from the masters and to never compare… to turn off the top 1% highest achievers achieving on repeat via algorithmic feeds and to focus even just 1% of your daily energy on building your dreams…

And not to do it to beat… or prove… or impress…

But, because that’s what living looks like… lost and completely absorbed in the mix… feeling young, independent, and free.

It’s Easy To Forget

Published on February 2, 2025

There was a time not long ago when none of these streets were paved… when none of this track was laid… when none of this technology even existed in mind…

A time when people couldn’t casually fly and ride to destinations hundreds—even thousands—of miles away with a few taps on a screen… for the price of a few days of work… for no reason but to explore other pieces of land…

It’s easy to forget.

…Not only to not take it for granted, but to fully utilize what’s miraculously here. Don’t you realize what you have the opportunity to do? Don’t you realize what day and age you’re actually living in? Don’t you realize how many hundreds—even thousands—of generations had to suffer, innovate, and create to get you here?

…Or are you distracted and/or being restricted?

It’s easy to forget.

P.s. Here’s the picture that inspired this post.

Tracing The Tree

Published on February 1, 2025

Looking back, it’s easy to trace the trunk up the branches and through the endless splits to find how you got to where you are today.

Looking forward, it’s hard to know which split will take you precisely to where you want to end up tomorrow.

One thing is for sure though… knowing where you want to end up—as precisely as possible—is an excellent place to start.

P.s. Here’s the picture that inspired this post.

From Jayh; To You.

Published on February 1, 2025

Today, I attended Jayh’s funeral.

These were the things the people closest to him chose to highlight as they spoke about him and his life:

  • His humor. They loved his wit, his sarcasm, and his sense of humor. He knew how to make people laugh and he did it often.
  • He made people feel safe. And when you grow up in a rough neighborhood, this is one of the highest feelings a person can give another. Even one of the speakers who was at least 2x or maybe even 3x Jayh’s size said it. Jayh was a protector. Jayh was fiercely loyal. And Jayh would do anything for the people he loved. And he had a big heart, described by many as a heart of gold, that touched the lives of so many.
  • He brought people together. He was the type of person to show up at your house and hang on the porch with you for hours on end. He was the type of person who would call to check in, crack a joke, set up a meet, talk crap, or talk life—real life. He would get people together to play football, basketball, music… and so many people talked about how hard it was going to be without him. They called him the general of the block because he was always leading everybody else towards each other. He was the center. He was the catalyst.

I share this in hopes that, even though you might not know Jayh, parts of him can continue to live through you.

Because whenever we chose to embody actions inspired by another, they get to continue to live through us.