Month: April 2024

When Life Is Fair

Published on April 30, 2024

“If life is fair, and it will be, it will serve you immeasurable beauties, joys and pleasures—you will feel at times that you do not have the capacity to take them in. You will. Our hearts they are boundless. If life is fair, and it will be, it will bring you huge, merciless sorrows. Devastations of your boundless heart. I wish for you the grace to persevere and accept them across time, for that is the only way these kinds of things can be taken in.”
Dan Weiss

While it is undeniably true that life is unfair in the circumstances into which we are born (i.e. socioeconomic status, parents, access to resources, etc), and in how some people are born into and taken from this world without a fighting chance, it’s also true that for most of us, life is fair in how we’re all going to feel the entire spectrum of human emotions.

…We’re each going to feel joy and pleasure just as we’re each going to feel sorrow and devastation. We’re each going to feel the mesmerizing beauty of love just as we’re each going to feel the heart-wrenching pain of loss. We’re each going to feel grateful and sentimental; nervous and insecure; jealous and enraged; lonely and shameful; amazed and confused; euphoric and peaceful…

…Not at the same times and not in equal proportions, but in full nonetheless. So when you’re thriving, soak it all the way in. And when you’re struggling, remember, you’re never alone. And just because you’re feeling something different than us, doesn’t mean we won’t or don’t feel that, too. Be patient and be kind…

…Because on this front—life is fair.

Love That Rises Above Blame

Published on April 29, 2024

“Please love your community enough to repair what we broke.”
Kiese Laymon

It can be tempting to say, “Not my fault; not my problem.”

And it can be even more tempting to point fingers at who’s fault it is and talk endlessly about who caused what problems in our community.

Enter mainstream media.

But, it takes real maturity… real character… real strength… to rise above finger pointing, gossip, and blame—and actually do something about the problems at hand.

…Which isn’t to say those at fault shouldn’t be held responsible.

It’s simply to say, don’t waste your time merely talking and pointing.

If it isn’t your job to investigate fault or decide convictions… then don’t. Or at least don’t spend all of your time on it (for those who decide the ones whose job it is to do those things aren’t doing them).

As Kiese says above, choose love instead.

Love your community and the people in it so much that your convictions to change what’s broken rises above the fingers, gossip, and blame.

Love your community and the people in it so much that you volunteer some of your free time from your crazy schedule to help with its improvement.

Love your community and the people in it so much that your focus on it and them drowns out what the finger points, gossipers, and blame-gamers have to say…

…And things actually get better as a result.

P.s. 23 Quotes on Changing the World and How To Start Making a Difference

Bring Sparks To Conversations

Published on April 28, 2024

Conversation starting is a lot easier when you have something non-programmed to say.

When people ask you what’s up, rather than reply with “nothing much,” reply with something specific that’s “up” and at the top of your mind. What are you excited about? What experiences stand out from your everyday norm? What have you been thinking about a lot?

When people ask you how it’s going, rather than reply with “good,” reply with an honest answer on how your day/week/month/life is unfolding. What emotions have you been feeling more of/less of lately? What obstacles are you dealing with? What victories are you celebrating?

When people ask you what’s new, rather than reply with “same old,” reply with a short highlight reel of what’s actually new in your life from when you saw that person last. What new skills are you building/thinking of building? What travel/adventure/event plans have you recently made? Who have you seen or made plans to see?

…And don’t worry too much on how any of the above will be received. Just put it out there and see where it leads. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more conversation possibilities than the above mentioned “programmed” responses.

Figuring out these non-programmed-type answers on the spot can be hard. So, maybe try taking a few minutes each morning to answer these questions for yourself ahead of time. At the very least, I can tell you this much… it’ll lead to far more internal awareness than you might’ve had before.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Hope For The Harder Option

Published on April 28, 2024

“I hope I get to compete against the 13 year olds and not the 15 year olds” …One of my 14 year old martial arts students said to me today.

To which I replied, “No. Hope you get to compete against the 15 year olds. Start mentally preparing for them now. Then, the only surprise you’ll get is that you have to compete against the 13 year olds.”

…So many times in life, we hope for the easy/ easier/ easiest option—it’s only natural. We humans are wired to pursue the path of least resistance. But—as I’m sure each of you reading this are all too familiar with—life doesn’t consult us on what our preferences are. Life doesn’t care what’s convenient for us or what we want. Life just happens—for better and for worst.

And rather than praying for lighter burdens—as the saying goes—we should be hoping and praying for stronger backs. By preparing for the tougher of the alternative outcomes, we prepare ourselves in the best way for any of the possible outcomes. Including the ones we hoped wouldn’t happen, but did anyway.

…Like the one my 14 year old student faced today when she found out she had to compete against the 15 year olds.

Don’t Get A Big Head

Published on April 26, 2024

At the conclusion of a martial arts tournament I’m attending this weekend, the Grand Master said the following in regards to the people who won [In a thick Korean accent]:

“Congratulations! Enjoy this victory. But, don’t get a big head.”

And in regards to the people who lost:

“If you didn’t win today—it’s okay. Now, you have something to train hard for.”

And tying it together he said (and I’m paraphrasing according to memory):

“The people who won today will become comfortable. They will relax. They don’t get the same fire inside. They get big heads. Don’t let that happen to you. Use this experience to keep training hard. Whether you win or lose.”

And it’s a great reminder I’d say to not let your head get big—in whatever space you’re in. And to always find ways you can add fuel to your inner fire—regardless of how your life experiences unfold.

Experiences are experiences. They aren’t inherently good or bad—per se. It’s what we do with the experiences—how we interpret them, shape them, use them—that counts.

…And ultimately, what’ll end up making all of the difference in each of the life experiences that have yet to come.

Lower Your Weight

Published on April 25, 2024

Doing martial arts training today, I was reminded of how important it is to lower your weight—to enroot yourself into the ground.

To lower your weight is to simultaneously lower your attention—out from somewhere in the clouds and back into the weight of the current moment.

It’s a reminder to stand your ground; to solidify your foundation; to reclaim your power.

And the beauty of martial arts training is that there are immediate physical/ tangible/ sensory feedback mechanisms in place that display the weight of your attention at various moments of the training.

If your mind floats elsewhere during a drill, for example, you might get knocked off balance. Or if you fall asleep on a sparring partner and start daydreaming, you might take a shot. Or if you try and multi-task a martial drill with a past or future concern, you might trip over your own movements.

Lower your weight is a reminder to get out of your head. To come back down to earth. To dig your roots deeper into reality and suck the life from the soil of the here and now.

…And today, I want you to try and do just that. You might not have a martial feedback mechanism like I had today—but that just means you won’t get punched or hit if you forget.

…Which might be a more ideal situation for you anyways.

…Although, less on the line if you forget.

Nonetheless, make that your focus today and periodically remind yourself like you just took a shot.

…And keep it at the forefront to lower your weight.

There’s Always Something You Can Do

Published on April 24, 2024

A student of mine injured herself.

Her doctor recommended she not do any kind of intense physical activity until healed.

Some might hear those words and translate it in their mind as, “Doc said no physical activity” and use it as their golden ticket to laziness via excuse-ville.

Others—like this student of mine who shared her thoughts with me—might hear those words and translate it in their mind as, “Doc said no intense physical activity” and use it as their opportunity to get creative and build resilience.

The former group will likely come out of the injury not only with muscular atrophy, but with habitual/disciplinary/mindset atrophy as well. And have to confront an uphill battle that not only involves weaker muscles, but more problems/weight on their shoulders.

The latter group, the ones who choose to still show up and do what they can with what they have in creative ways may still face muscular atrophy in the injured area. But, will have a much more relaxed incline and less weight on their shoulders because the habits, discipline, and mindsets were all maintained.

The mantra I’ve come to adopt over the years from trying to be a person who’s a part of the latter group is, “There’s always something I can do.”

…I just might not know what that thing is yet because I haven’t evolved to that higher version of myself yet.

…And the same is true for you.