Skip to content

Month: March 2024

Adding Frequency For (Better) Connection(s)

Published on March 10, 2024

If you’re looking to make new connections, think not only about new things you can do, but things you can do that have frequency associated with them.

It’s significantly more difficult to make a new connection, who you can stay connected with for an ongoing period of time, after only one meeting/ interaction.

It becomes increasingly easier to make that ongoing connection with each additional meeting/interaction opportunity you have with them.

Think about the connections you have in your life right now. How many of them did you meet just once and then got their contact info and then started hanging out with? …And how many of them did you meet through school or work or a sport or a hobby—something that had a frequency associated with it?

I’m willing to bet most of your friends are from the latter group.

And so, moving forward, if you’re feeling lonely and/or like you want to add some new connections to your life, think about what you can add to your schedule that has an ongoing frequency that also brings a reoccurring group of people to it.

Things like:

  • Sport Leagues
  • Book Clubs
  • Poetry Reading Series
  • Craft Workshops
  • Skill Building Classes
  • And so on…

And stop beating yourself up about not making new connections from things like:

  • Bars
  • Clubs
  • Concerts
  • Hikes
  • Festivals
  • And so on…

…And as an added bonus, remember that the best approach, paradoxically, is to go into these opportunities for connection with the intention of connecting better with yourself. Do things that you’re excited to do; that you look forward to doing; that you want to tell people about…

…The connection(s) will almost always take care of itself/themselves.

Gifting Your Presence

Published on March 9, 2024

Today, I caught one of my martial arts kids praising and saying hello/goodbye to other kids by name, completely unprompted.

“Hi, Ben!”

“Arm Shake?”

“Great job today, Alkalifah!”

“High 5!”

“See you later, Jackson.”

While this doesn’t sound like anything profound, what I usually see are kids completely consumed in their own worlds. Playing on screens, fixing their clothes, playing with toys, asking parents for money, picking out things they want in the pro-shop, etc.

…Which, if I’m being honest, is what I see from many (most) adults, too.

For a student to come in so present minded, and to have such an outward attention to the people in his environment, and to take the time to acknowledge them by name and say nice things is nothing short of profound if you ask me.

And if that’s something more of us adults could do, too, I’d say that’d be a pretty remarkable thing worth aiming for and celebrating as well.

Two Mindsets That’ll Make You Unstoppable:

Published on March 8, 2024

1) There’s no winning or losing—only learning. The person who wins, but doesn’t learn anything—loses; the person who loses and doesn’t learn anything—loses; and the person who has a plethora of experiences, but never learns anything from them—loses. Learning is what it’s all about. Extracting information from raw experiences that you can then use to guide you forward, upgrade your thinking, improve your processes, make better choices, and challenge yourself more appropriately in the future—whether you win, lose, or just participate makes every experience a win for living.

2) This is just the beginning. The fixed mindset says, “What I have is what I’ve got.” And when we say things like, “I can’t do that” or “That’s just the way I am” or “I’m hopeless”—what we’re really confirming is a fixed mindset way of living. We’re saying our brains and bodies won’t improve or adapt with appropriate challenge, deliberate practice, and communal support. Which, of course, just isn’t true. Our brains and bodies are brilliantly designed from millions of years of evolution to adapt to the challenges they’re exposed to. Which means it isn’t that you “can’t do it” …it’s that you can’t do it yet. It isn’t “just the way you are…” it’s the way you are for now. And you’re definitely not hopeless… you’re actually just at the cusp of a new, humble beginning.

When you know you can learn something from every experience and that you have the ability to grow, adapt, and improve both your body and mind… what could possibly stop you from moving forward in life?

How To Clear A Chaotic Mind

Published on March 7, 2024

1) Brain dump. It’s quite hard to sort through a swirling, ever building chaotic mental mess that filled with half-baked ideas, unrelenting distractionary thoughts, and painful emotions that want to be simultaneously felt as they do suppressed. Writing everything down that’s swirling through your mind allows you to: 1) take it out of your mind (which leaves less there to swirl) and 2) see it all plainly written out so you can make sense of it all. Which leads to:

2) Draw connections. Once it’s all plainly written out in front of you, organize it. Connect thoughts that are related. Simplify thoughts that are unnecessarily complex. Question each thought’s validity and eliminate those that are baseless or fantasy. By reorganizing your brain dump into a sorted list, so too will you be reorganizing your brain space from a dump to a sorted space. And finally:

3) Prioritize and act. Once everything is organized and cleaned up, the final step is to problem solve and act in accordance to what you’ve deemed as a priority. If there’s an easy solution to a problem, take it. If there’s a hard solution that you want to avoid, break it down into the smallest steps possible and take the first one. Or get the necessary (professional) help. If there’s no solution, drop it. The goal here is to close open-ended processes until that thick tornado that was rampaging through your head is thinned to just a few gusts of wind. Heck, maybe you can even get to a point of mental stillness and calm…?

…This is the way.

Got Fruit?

Published on March 6, 2024

Plant seeds early and often.

Needing fruit today and not having planted any seeds for that fruit will bear you zero fruit.

And while today is the worst time to plant a seed for a fruit today, it’s simultaneously the best possible time to plant a seed for fruit in the future. In fact, there could be no better time than today to plant your seeds since, you know, there’s no planting seeds yesterday.

The life reality is: you get the fruit only after the seed has been planted, cared for, and nurtured to the point of being ripe—on its own timeline, not yours. And not every seed will take. And not every seed will bear perfectly ripe fruit. And not every seed will survive to adulthood/fruition.

But, if you plant seeds early and often… and you do so abundantly and carefully… and you keep investing time and energy into those seeds’ future… fruition will soon come. And you’ll get to enjoy your season of harvest after having endured many seasons of patience and hard work. This is true for relationships, career, finance, health, education, and so on.

Don’t wait until you need the fruit to start planting the seeds.

Seed planting and care should happen early and often, at each available moment, today and every day.

P.s. What I Learned From Losing In A Seed Growing Contest… And I tried really hard to win, too.

Doing Business Minus Business

Published on March 5, 2024

Dear busy person,

For the love of whatever you believe in, please drop your modern day desire to make pooping productive. You don’t need to read emails. You don’t need to engage with a certain number of social posts. You don’t need to write up replies, brainstorm ideas, or review your schedules/ to-do lists. You don’t need to do anything—except your business. And you know what business I mean… I want you to do your business minus any trace or thought of work related business. If there’s any time in your day that you should keep sacred and to yourself… that should be right at the top. The business of every day life is already hectic, busy, and nonstop enough as is—no need to exacerbate it. Give yourself pockets of grace. Give yourself time to unwind. Give yourself some space to pause. The rest of your day will be better because of it.

~ Your Inner Work Person

P.s. You can read my other letters to you, here.

We’re Auditioning Every Day

Published on March 4, 2024

What you do speaks so loudly, I can’t remember what your résumé said.

As an employer who hires almost exclusively from within my organization… my prospects for hire are auditioning every day.

…In the way they walk, talk, act, and interact with others.

Which isn’t all that different from how it works everywhere in life.

Granted, most organizations hire people they’ve never met before—but, what is it they’re looking for? Your hard skills for the job, obviously, but also… the way you walk, talk, act, and interact with others.

Which usually requires references to speak on your behalf or knowing somebody in the organization who can vouch for you.

In other words, we’re auditioning every day. And not just for our current job(s), but for our future job(s).

The way you walk, talk, act, and interact with others today will determine who you get to walk, talk, act, and interact with tomorrow.

And if you can make it your problem today to upgrade that walk, talk, act, and interaction—just watch how the problems you get to solve upgrade in your life in some future tomorrow, too.