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Month: February 2024

Bald for Black Belt

Published on February 29, 2024

Traditionally, in the martial arts organization I work in, students were required to shave their heads for their black belt or higher degree test.

The reason was that it demonstrated humility (that you are more than your hair) and created a military-like camaraderie between candidates.

Over the years, however, due to some candidates’ religious beliefs and otherwise strong-standing beliefs about their hair—we’ve made it optional. And have since been exploring alternative means we can offer that can build a candidate’s humility all the same. Things like no make-up or jewelry for a month, no brand name clothes for a month, no social media for a month, etc.

Not only is it good to offer alternative options for those who can’t or won’t shave their heads… but it brings into conversation those who style their hair shaved all of the time anyway… the ones who get no humility benefit from the practice at all. Furthermore, girls were never made to follow this requirement and it allows them to have alternative options for humility practice, too.

…If the purpose is humility and camaraderie… then it’s something everybody should have to (get to) do with equal sacrifice. It shouldn’t be something that a few of the boys with longer hair have to do that the girls and other boys with short hair don’t have to do at all.

…Where’s the humility and camaraderie in that?

Once you understand the purpose behind the tradition… you can reverse engineer your way to more innovative means for accomplishing the same (or better) ends. It’s as the saying goes in our martial arts space: respect tradition; embrace innovation.

Teaching Humility

Published on February 28, 2024

A parent asked me the other day how he can make his child more humble.

His child was starting to do things like say how much better he was than his dad and ignore his dad’s advice because he thought he knew better—and it was starting to cross the line from confident to cocky.

Telling him to just “be humble,” in my experience, wouldn’t do much good.

The way I look at it is like this: if confidence is success remembered… then cockiness is a disproportionate amount of success remembered compared to failures.

What I told him to try… is exposing him to more failures. Which might not sound like something a father would ever want to do to their son… but it’s exactly what builds humility—particularly in cocky individuals.

I told him to try having him learn a brand new skill… or a complicated sports move… or an advanced martial arts kick. And to have him do it while he’s surrounded by a group of kids who are better than him.

…Let him not be the best one in the room for a while. Let him struggle in front of his peers. Let him learn how to ask the other kids for help. Let him remember what it’s like to be on the other side of the learning curve again. Let him do the things he had to do as a beginner again—the things that got him as good as he got in the first place that he was forgetting about and taking for granted.

Let him learn… how to learn again.

Writing Daily Is Thinking Done

Published on February 27, 2024

One of the beautiful things about writing daily what’s on your mind is that when you’re asked to share what’s on your mind—either in general or in regards to specific topics—the work is already done.

There’s no need to delay, no need to beat around the bush, no need to answer generically or mumbly or complicatedly so as to buy yourself some time to think…

Your thinking space has already been honored. The editing of your thinking via written word has already distilled your key thoughts. And the rest of it—the crap thinking—you’ve already released and has already begun to sink towards the bottom of your mind’s floor.

And because of it… you’re more ready to capitalize on potential opportunities.

…You’re more ready to make a good impression when you didn’t even know you were going to have to make one.

…You’re more ready to express yourself properly when you meet someone special—because you just never know when that might happen.

Because the last thing you want—when any of those moments arrive—is to feel like there’s a lot of work yet that needs to be done or like a delay needs to be made.

Writing daily is thinking done.

And thinking done is an excellent strategy for getting ahead in life.

Like Body Like Mind

Published on February 26, 2024

What you do for yourself when you’re physically sick are the same kinds of things you should do for yourself when you’re mentally sick.

…And I don’t mean mentally sick as in innately twisted or morally malevolent… I mean just temporarily “under the weather” and like you’ve been infiltrated by some kind of “virus of the mind” if you will.

This could happen from being overworked and exhausted, from a hurtful comment from someone you love, from the loss of someone important to you… etc.

Being mentally “under the weather” might sound like:

  • “I’m worthless”
  • “I can’t do anything right”
  • “Nothing I do is ever enough”
  • “I’m a bad person/friend/parent/spouse”
  • “There is so much more I should’ve done, but didn’t do”

What are the doctor’s orders when physically sick?

  • Rest (including time away from normal obligations like school or work)
  • Hydrate (so your body can keep things moving smoothly throughout your body—including the defeated sickness cells after our immune system is done with them)
  • Maybe medicine if the symptoms get bad enough (things to either add immune system support or help you endure the pain/discomfort of the symptoms)

And what might we do to deal with a virus of the mind?

  • Rest (including time away from people/places/things that might’ve infected your mind in the first place.
  • Hydrate (by keeping fresh, mentally hydrating thoughts pouring in from high-quality sources)
  • Maybe “medicine” if the symptoms persist or get bad enough (getting mental immune system support by having conversations with insightful friends, loved ones, or a therapist)—which I’d say is about as close to “mind medicine” that isn’t actually mind medicine as it gets.

I’m Sick

Published on February 25, 2024

And because I’ve been planning for days like this, I knew exactly what to do.

Today that was MoveMe Weekly, short walk, foam rolling, and this email.

I cancelled everything else and have been heavy sleeping, drinking as many fluids as I can manage, and vegetating on the couch.

Healing is my top priority. And if I can keep the streak alive in some of my other priority areas… by doing my premeditated minimum viable action(s)… I won’t have to “heal” any broken streaked habits, too.

Two Things That Make Tough Times Easier

Published on February 24, 2024

Two things that make tough times easier are 1) connections and 2) tough spirit.

Some of the deepest and truest connections are formed during tough times. And it’s worth remembering that when people are going through tough times—while it may be tough to be there to support them because of not knowing what to say or awkwardness or free flowing emotions—that’s precisely when connections are most prone to deep bonding.

So, when someone is in need, even if they’re not an immediate friend or even are somebody who’s on the outer banks of your circle of connection—reach out in spite of the resistance you might feel. You just might end up being the synchronicity or guardian angel they’ve been hoping for.

…And from my experience—the more you’ve been a guardian angel for others, the more guardian angels you tend to have yourself.

And as far as tough spirits go… we build those by doing tough things. This means we know what it’s like be utterly exhausted and still push forward. We know what it’s like to be sick or in pain and still find a way. We know what it’s like to stare an obstacle in the face, feel the fear, and own the fear by doing the damn thing anyway.

Not in a dumb way, of course. But, in the smartest way(s) possible.

What Are You Doing?

Published on February 23, 2024

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s completely OK to not be productive.

…And to just lay down or sit quietly or go for a casual walk or long car ride or dance to some bomb music.

…And just remember what it feels like—to be.

And since we’re on the topic, never forget: doing things that make you feel happy or free or help you calm down are always productive things.

…Things that you can even add to and check off your lists for the day.

Because if you’re not doing those things every day… I wonder… what are you doing?