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Month: July 2023

Big Steps Made Small

Published on July 24, 2023

This past weekend I went out to lunch with a co-worker and an elderly women.

At one point in the conversation, the elderly women mentioned how at one point in her life she played piano. She said she loved it but was never able to perform at a recital. She would get too nervous and overwhelmed and would back down—sometimes at the last minute.

The thought that immediately occurred to me was… maybe it was because it was too big of a jump. Maybe if there were smaller, more incremental steps that went from private 1-on-1 lessons to big audience in an auditorium—like family recitals or small party with friends recitals or piano student classroom recitals—she wouldn’t have had such a hard time…

She nodded and seemed to agree with the idea.

When we’re confronted with a situation that makes us nervous or feel overwhelmed, it isn’t a sign that we’re not meant to do that thing or that we aren’t good enough per se. Oftentimes it’s just a sign that we’re taking too big of a step too quick—and all we need to do is take a step back and find (or create) the incremental steps that’ll make that big step feel far more manageable.

Just as we take the steps up onto the stage for a piano recital and don’t try to climb atop the stage in one fell swoop—so, too, must we follow this wisdom with the “piano recitals” of our lives themselves.

P.s. Thanks to those who caught my “waive” that should’ve been “wave” typo from a few days ago. It was a silly mistake… Or was it a sign?

Silo Poetry

Published on July 23, 2023

On Saturday night, I went to a poetry reading.

It was hosted at the bottom of a no longer operational grain silo whose thick concrete walls wrapped snug around a cozy group of around 50 that extended straight up to what seemed like the heavens.

There were three finished, connected wooden pallets that served as a humble raised platform where presenters could read. The lighting was dim yet sharp. Words spoken into the microphone echoed off the cylindrical walls for what felt like minutes. And there was a fog that came reaching around small backstage openings that thickened the air that hung in the balance.

…It was a remarkable way to hear carefully chosen words, thoughtfully spoken.

And as if that wasn’t already enough, one presenter in particular added to the dynamics even further. When he was called up to read; as he walked consciously down the narrow isle; as he took his place atop the pallet stage; as he placed his bag down slowly behind; as he adjusted the thin podium, positioned his life’s work, thumbed through the pages and years, found his word collections and composed himself to read…

…He never said a word.

Not one.

It was as though we—everything gracefully mixing within the walls of that silo—were a type of freshly poured concrete and he was the worker who was expertly giving us time to thicken.

Right before he took a soft breath, that is, and cut through the hardening mixture like a type of chainsaw with his pointed, perfectly paced, incoming words. Straight through our dilated pupils and leaned in ears—the soft spot to our ever hardening exteriors—and into our earth.

Waving At Neighbors

Published on July 23, 2023

I have this neighbor who, while walking this high maintenance, sassy, fluff ball of a dog—will wave at every passing car and neighbor without ever bothering to look up to see how (if) they respond in return.

…And it’s an act I’ve sort of come to love.

I notice in myself a keen awareness in how (if) other people respond to my waves. And I take mental note of the ones who do wave back and the ones who don’t so I can adjust accordingly. Essentially, I keep score. Maybe you can relate?

But, when you remove the expectation of a return—suddenly the wave becomes more… pure. It is no longer transactionary in nature (I wave so that you can wave back and vice versa)—it merely is done for the sake of the action itself and spreads the sort of vibes you would want in your neighborhood regardless of how another neighbor decides to respond.

…Maybe, like my neighbor, the key is in the not bothering to check how someone responds after the wave is given?

…Or maybe the key is in getting a high maintenance, sassy, fluff ball of a dog that keeps you completely preoccupied every time you wave?

…After watching my neighbor pull this off for years, I think both options work just as well.

When Awful Things Happen

Published on July 21, 2023

Being a “good finder” can be tough when awful things happen.

It’s not always appropriate to look for the good in the bad (e.g. like when a heinous crime is committed) but when it is, one thought that can help is the gift of perspective that comes with the awful.

When we experience real hardship, suddenly all of the other “hardships” we experienced in life shrink a little and fade into the background in comparison.

Because in comparison is how we measure “hardship.” And not “in comparison” to other people’s lived experiences—only ever in comparison to our own.

Hardship only becomes real through direct experience. Without direct experience, it’s highly unlikely to affect our perspective (e.g. To see starvation and disease on TV is one thing; to live amongst starvation and disease is another).

When I think about the strongest people I know in life, the people who always come to mind are the ones who have been through the most—hardship, awful things, direct experience with the “bad.” They have a perspective that allows them to stay calm, cool, and collected over awfully heavy stuff while the inexperienced are flustering, raging, and cursing over #firstworldproblems.

This isn’t to judge or make you self-conscious of how you respond to awful things happening—or to say you should act a certain kind of way when they do. It’s merely to remind you that, if no other good can come from an awful thing happening, take with you the direct lived experience that allows you to deepen your life’s perspective.

…One that might even give others a measure of support and strength when they go through awful times of their own.

Answers In Progress

Published on July 20, 2023

I’ll sometimes stumble upon something I’ve written in the past and feel… surprised.

Sometimes at the thought (because I have since forgotten about that thought), sometimes at the way it was presented (either in a “well done” or “ew, omg” fashion), sometimes at the analogy choice/ word choice/ or storyline.

Regardless of why my past writing surprised me… it’s always a great reminder that past thoughts, ideas, efforts… fade. And new thoughts, ideas, and efforts emerge… and that we are always in a constant flux and everything (inside and out) is always changing.

Just because we wrote about something in the past or answered a question in our lives at one point before—doesn’t mean it’s answered permanently. In fact, assuming so could lead us in the wrong direction and regrettably down the wrong life path.

Looking back on your old work and at some of your past efforts might surprise you, too—and serve as a wonderful reminder that, when it comes to inner work, there are no answered questions per se, only answers in progress.

P.s. Not so sure about your direction in life? Fear you’re heading in a direction that might end with regret? My guide can help prevent that.

Sub 9

Published on July 19, 2023

Today, a friend and I ran 4 miles.

At the end, she reported that we averaged 8:50ish per mile and said, “Anything sub 9 is good.”

I didn’t say it then, but after thinking about it, I’d like to say next time, “Anything done is good.”

Put too much pressure on “sub 9” and you might skip runs altogether when sore or exhausted.

Better to let done be the primary metric you track and allow room for grace when it’s needed.

Because often… grace is needed. And those who can give it are the ones who truly stay on track.

P.s. If staying consistent with positive habits is hard for you (like exercising regularly), stay tuned. My NEW guide is in its final stages of completion…!

Aligned Problems

Published on July 18, 2023

This is your reoccurring reminder that there is no escaping problems in life.

Problems only get to be exchanged and/or upgraded.

So, the next time you find yourself complaining about a problem, ask yourself:

  • “What kinds of problems would I rather be solving?”
  • “What kinds of problems make me feel equal parts challenged and excited at the prospect of solving them?”
  • “How can I reverse engineer my way towards those problems and start exchanging some of my current ones for those ones?”

Those who live more fulfilled and enjoyable lives don’t live that way because of fewer problems per se—they live that way because of more aligned problems.

P.s. You might also like this 2-minute piece I published: The Problem With The Problem-Free Life