Month: June 2023

Your Problems

Published on June 8, 2023

It’s the news’ job to make the world’s problems your problems.

Watch too much news and it’s no wonder you feel crippling fear, uncontrollable anxiety, and hopelessness. You are one person absorbing the problems intermittently faced by 8 billion.

No single person can face a volume of problems the size of the ocean and expect to come out afloat—let alone like they can have any kind of reasonable influence on it all.

The ceaseless influx is soul crushing. The sheer volume is paralyzing. And the overarching theme of it all is terrifying.

Hardwired into our brains is a survival instinct that watches keenly for any signs of danger—so we can safely navigate our environments and not, you know, die.

Well, the news is the channel that satisfies that instinct and gives us the sense that we better know our environment and can more safely navigate it. Only we’re getting WAY TOO MUCH information. A lot of which is exaggerated, exacerbated, irrelevant, and straight up made up so as to generate more attention from viewers.

Here’s where I land in the realm of life’s problems: I can barely stay on top of my own damn chores.

My advice? Turn off the news of 8 billion.

Come up with a solution that’s concise—no more than 5 minutes per day. Unbiased. And get the rest of your news from your immediate environment—friends, family, co-workers, etc.

Make it your job to make your world’s problems your problems.

…And focus most exclusively on doing something good in your own backyard every day.

P.s. My choice for concise, unbiased, 5-minute daily news is 1440.

Sacred Spaces

Published on June 7, 2023

“I have to draw a boundary with my mom.”

…A friend was telling me apprehensively as we finished a morning run.

“She’s trying to come with me to yoga class at my yoga studio—which is something I would love for her to get into—but that’s my sacred space.”

To which I replied… “You’re absolutely right.”

It doesn’t matter who the person is or how important they are in your life—your mom, your sibling, your spouse—there are some things you simply need to do for yourself which sometimes need to be done by yourself.

Period.

Because you know who’s more important than your mom, your sibling, or your spouse?

…You are.

And if you don’t recognize that and prioritize things in your life that make you feel collected/calm/sane—then it’s the very people who you’re prioritizing over yourself who’ll experience the adverse effects of that. Pretty backwards, eh?

So if there are spaces that need to be held sacred so you can have necessary releases in your practice? Then you hold those spaces sacred.

If there are activities you’re doing that allow you to express and connect in a way that’s disrupted by the presence of others? Then you draw that boundary.

If your mental health and sanity is telling you that you need to do a thing for your mental health and sanity—then it’s your loved ones, more than anyone else, who should understand and support you. Not object, take offense, and make you feel bad.

The relationship we have with ourself needs to count. It deserves to be prioritized. And like any relationship, it requires dedicated time. Never feel bad about giving yourself time.

Inner Work Pays

Published on June 6, 2023

I have no idea how many people actually read these daily posts.

This would distract me from the purpose of the practice.

Which, isn’t to say I wouldn’t like it if more people read my daily posts.

It’s to say that the audience is secondary.

Writing for the sake of writing—for my own reflective purposes and personal development—is primary.

The second I start writing for the audience first, it’s no longer inner work—the task suddenly becomes outer work.

And while it’s true that outer work can pay in attention and dollars… it’s the inner work that pays in fulfillment and clarity.

Remember this as you practice your craft. If it suddenly feels like it’s becoming laborious and forced—it’s because you’re creating with the wrong people in mind.

Create with only one person in mind—yourself—and watch as the weight dissolves off your shoulders and your muse begins to visit more freely once again.

Linger (IRL) Longer

Published on June 5, 2023

You know those moments that come before a group meal when everybody is lingering? Or after it’s over and everybody sort of diffuses into pocket conversations and side chatter?

That is where the magic of connection happens.

…Not when everybody is actively eating the meal. It’s in the moments that come before, the moments in between bites, and the moments after. In many respects, group meals have less to do with the meal and more to do with the lingering.

The same is true for just about every other group activity: group fitness, group sports, group art, group travel, group hobbies, etc. Of course, the group task is the focal point—but, most tasks can be done without the group. The point in doing it with a group is the connection.

Which may sound obvious, but in a world where loneliness is becoming more and more of a concern—there are two key ideas worth pinpointing:

(1) We do group activities for the group as much as the activity—you don’t have to be a prodigy or obsessed with the idea of the activity to sign up with a group.

(2) All of the time spent NOT doing the activity can be just as valuable (if not more) as the time spend doing it. Don’t miss the forest for the tree. Are you learning how to draw an eye in group art classes or are you learning how to draw a friendship by looking more people—who share similar interests as you—in the eye?

Lingering on screens is awful for connection. More and more studies prove that. Lingering in real life, however, is a great strategy for building connection.

You Say [Poem]

Published on June 4, 2023

You say you have nothing to give
and yet
I'm full after one glance.

You say you're rough around the edges
and yet
I'm calm after one touch.

You say your roots are broken
but what I see
is vast and barren land.

You say your baggage is heavy
but what I see
is love that could use a hand.

You tell me about the world's ugly
As I sit in wonder and see
Beauty reflected in broken glass—

Your middle finger to the world.

A rose growing in desert sand
An orchid sprouting from molten rock
A sunflower stretching from unlit cave

You say you can't carry on
And yet
You keep figuring out a way.

You say you don't like flowers
And yet
There you are—a most beautiful bouquet.

Managing Unwind Time

Published on June 3, 2023

On weekends, I like finishing my days with a TV show.

It’s a great way for my productivity focused mind to unplug and idle for a while. Maybe you can relate?

Here are three rules I’ve created for myself to keep this in check, though: 1) I will only ever finish my days with a TV show, 2) It’ll only ever be on weekends, and 3) I only allow it if I’ve finished all of my other priority tasks for the day.

There are two reasons why I’ve created these rules for myself: One, they are undeniably addicting—even for a self-discipled black belt like me. And two, if I don’t get my priority tasks done because I wasted too much time watching TV, I’ll undoubtedly feel regret.

That said, there’s still the question of how to stop once you’ve started watching—which is no easy feat.

First, I always assume the episode will end with another hair-pulling cliff hanger. Another episode will never make the “hanging” better—only equally hanging off a cliff or more so.

With that mindset established, here’s what I do when the episode is actually over: 1) Don’t stare at the “next episode?” button. Clear the button and let the credits play. 2) Turn down the volume and get your mind focused elsewhere asap. Even if that means checking a social media feed. 3) Once you move your mind away from the cliff enough, you’ll eventually reclaim footing back in reality and have a MUCH easier time turning the show off.

At least this is what works for me.

I’m curious: What works for you?

Roller Coaster Love

Published on June 2, 2023

A relationships and dating coach posted the following question on Twitter: “Would you rather: a 220 pound woman who’s nice & sweet or a 120 pound woman with an attitude?”

To which I say this is the wrong question.

Love isn’t a number on a scale. And none of us are as simple as “nice & sweet” or “with an attitude.”

Love is an impossibly complex, messy, roller coaster of a ride shared with the person who could very well be all of those above things throughout the duration of your ride.

It’s time spent with the person who makes you feel:

…Sometimes exhilaratingly light—like you’re free falling down from the highest roller coaster peak. Like when their name comes up on caller I.D., their face comes into view after time apart, or the thought of past time together springs to mind.

…Sometimes upside down—like you’re being thrown through a loop. Like when they challenge your thoughts/beliefs, pull you down a spontaneous path you would’ve never traveled on your own, or they get you to agree to something that’s totally out of character.

…Sometimes heavy and low—like at the bottom of those highest drops. Like when they have to endure tragedy/loss/grief and illicit your support to help them, or when they hurt your feelings, or break promises—because them doing it hits harder than anyone else.

…But all with that person. Not because of the number on the scale or some one or two word description that’s supposed to represent the entire depth of who they are—but, because riding the roller coaster is better with them. And they think the same about riding the coaster with you.