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Month: April 2023

The In-Between Time

Published on April 8, 2023

Before deep inner work can begin, an empty block of time—filled with nothing at all—needs to be present.

What I’m also learning, while visiting family out of town, is that having an empty block of time—filled with nothing at all—is a great strategy for allowing deep inter-relational work to begin.

Having structured activities, sightseeing adventures/tours, and meals planned together is undoubtedly great. But, it seems to me that it is in the in-between time—in the moments where nothing is happening at all—where all the magic happens.

A Lotta Perspective

Published on April 7, 2023

Today, while driving down a narrow, backcountry road, I pulled over as an ambulance (lights flashing) came driving towards me.

To my surprise, this was met with a long BEEEEEEEEP from a driver behind me.

The driver was inaudibly yelling and waving his hands around in a dramatic, flamboyant manner that was obviously trying to communicate a level of upset that simply baffled me.

Like, I literally pulled over for approximately 5 seconds, to let an emergency vehicle more easily pass…?

None-the-less, I continued driving casually only to arrive at the scene of a pretty intense accident not long thereafter—complete with ambulances, police cars, and tow trucks.

The scene took up the entire space of the road that my GPS had me routed to drive through and so what did I do? Signaled, pulled over to the side of the road, and contemplated the scene until I knew what I could safely do.

Not even 1 minute later, what does the guy behind me do? Slam on the gas, screech his bald tires around me, and drift his way into a right turn ahead, while again… inaudibly trying to communicate some infuriated message to me.

Today’s message is a simple one and it comes from what my mom said in response to this driver… what could be so important that you don’t have time (seconds) to pull over for an emergency vehicle or need to floor it around our pulled over car when evidently… somebody right in front of us (or passing us) was quite possibly having the worst day of their life?

Life is hard—I get it. But, sometimes a little compassion can give a lotta perspective.

What to do when you don’t feel like yourself?

Published on April 6, 2023

I think it’s important to first point out that none of us is just one composition of feeling. We are a melting pot of ALL the feelings.

Like a melting pot, when all of the various ingredients (feelings) are getting combined in relatively the same ways… you’ll get relatively the same taste—which becomes what we might consider: feeling like ourself.

When one or more ingredients start to get added disproportionally to the pot, it’ll modify the taste. As is the case when one or more feelings get disproportionately added to our inner state.

The trick then, becomes identifying and reducing the ingredients that are “undesireably” affecting the pot while finding ways to increase the desired ones so as to get the pot back to “normal.”

For example, when cooking, it’s obvious when too much salt has been added to a recipe. A simple solution, is to (1) stop adding more salt and (2) add more of the other ingredients to dilute the power of the salt.

In life, when we feel a rise in an unfamiliar/ uncomfortable feeling, we start by identifying what it is. Once we’ve identified it and can name it, we trace the origin of the feeling to it’s root cause. Then we (1) stop allowing whatever’s causing it to make it worse and (2) add more of the other ingredients that lead to the more desired feelings we’re after.

And soon thereafter (maybe not right away, but soon), you’ll start to slowly feel more like your normal “recipe-d” self.

P.s. I also published: 37 Robert A. Johnson Quotes from Inner Work To Convince You Dreams Aren’t Arbitrary.

Water Filters

Published on April 5, 2023

My boss has a $4,500 water filter.

He swears by it. I haven’t done my due diligence to form an opinion on it… but, he has me convinced it’s worth the investment.

So, I’ve spent the last year waiting for a successful bid on eBay or some other happenstance situation to arise where I can get the water filter for… less than $4,500.

Now… on Monday this week, I decided to do some basic water filter research, ordered a $40 faucet filter, and had it installed by Wednesday.

I don’t know why it took me so long, but I’ve been drinking unfiltered tap water while waiting for a $4,500 filter… for well over a year.

*Face palm*

P.s. This post isn’t about water filters.

The Un-Lose-Able Day

Published on April 4, 2023

It’s good to keep a snapshot of the “un-lose-able” day at the forefront of your mind—as something to aim for; plan for; strive for.

Mine looks something like this:

  • Full night of sleep
  • Solid session of exercise
  • Creative challenges for my mind
  • Space to let settle the content of my mind
  • Life-giving foods
  • 16-20 Hour windows of no food
  • Less unintentional screen time
  • More deliberate, undistracted deep work time
  • Words read from books with fresh ideas
  • Words written from brain to explore ideas
  • Time spent in spaces that are free of toxicity
  • Time spent interacting with people who exude authenticity
  • A few moments spent in gratitude and awe
  • A few moments spent in comfort and pleasure

It’s not often I nail this list.

But, when I do…

How could the day possibly be lost?

Inner Work Prompt: What does your “Un-Lose-able” Day look like? What can you do today that’ll get you one step closer to that?

Body Armor

Published on April 3, 2023

As a martial arts instructor, it’s important I keep my body in good health so I can lead by example, demonstrate proper techniques, and perform when needed.

Building resiliency in my body so I’m able to do that, however, doesn’t mean I avoid anything and everything that might lead to injury—under the guise that if I never do anything hard, I’ll never get hurt, and if I never get hurt, I’ll be “resilient” and able to keep performing.

Building resiliency actually means I expose myself to all the challenges (in a smart, healthy way) so that my body can adapt and prepare for more of the same the next time.

Sheltering ourselves from things that are hard doesn’t make us more resilient—it only makes us more vulnerable to injury. Because eventually, as we avoid challenge, our bodies become frail, and frail bodies are the ones that are injury prone. Plus, it’s harder to recover an injured frail body because it’s weak all over—not just in the injured area.

The resilient person does hard things often; things that are uncomfortable and challenging; things that frequently push their body to its limits. And when they’re smart and deliberate about it—it leads to armor, not injury. Armor that allows them to lead by example, demonstrate high level techniques, and perform with their full life force when needed…

Because they’re strong all over.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Insecurities

Published on April 2, 2023

Most of us allow our insecurities to taunt us and control our mind:

  • “I’m not skilled enough to handle bigger job opportunities—I’ll fail and let people down.”
  • “I’m not confident enough to speak in front of audiences—I’ll mess up and get laughed off stage.”
  • “I’m not good-looking enough to ask that person I like out—they’ll just reject me and I’ll embarrass myself.”

Those who can make the mental switch from being taunted by their insecurities to being guided by them, however, will unlock not only a more rewarding path forward to follow, but will simultaneously eliminate “bugs” from their system that were misguiding them all along.

What does being guided by insecurities look like?

  • “I’m noticing that I don’t feel skilled enough to handle bigger job opportunities—I should take more classes, courses, or get help through coaching…”
  • “I can feel the fear inside me rise as I imagine giving a speech—I should start practicing public speaking more, in small ways, so I can build my confidence up for the future…”
  • “Maybe my hesitation to ask the person I like out is a sign of my humility, care, and respect for them… which could very well be qualities that they end up liking very much…”

P.s. My guide, The Art of Forward (Direction > Speed), was written to help you take a closer, more complete look at doing precisely what’s discussed above: calibrate your inner compass. More info here.