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Month: December 2021

Hard Stops vs. Soft Stops

Time management trick: define whether each task of your day should have a “hard stop” or “soft stop.”

  • Hard stop: Non-negotiable end to a task. e.g. 11pm is a hard-stop because sleep is a top priority. I don’t allow myself to work at even 11:01pm.
  • Soft stop: Flexible end to a task. e.g. Usually, I write between 2pm – 3pm. But, if the writing is flowing smooth and I’m in the zone, I allow myself to ride that momentum until it ends.

The problem with getting these confused is that it mostly hurts your top priorities.

Top priority tasks should be treated as “soft stops,” but are often treated as “hard stops.” Things like sleep, family time, exercise, writing, reading, connecting with friends, etc.—you should be able to spend whatever amount of time feels right. But, either you force yourself to cut it short or you don’t have enough time to allot.

Which leads to the second confusion: treating tasks that should be “hard stops” as “soft stops.” Things like TV, video games, social media time, etc—you can easily end up spending entire days doing these types of things if you don’t take control. And when you don’t, that excessive time gets taken from—that’s right—your top priorities.

And it turns into a vicious cycle.

Not enough time to do what’s most important because you spent too much time doing what’s not. And because you have less time, you’re constantly playing catch up.

So, what’s the solution? Give what’s less important tighter “hard stops” and then you’ll finally get to enjoy “soft stops” while doing what’s more.

What Hustle Culture Doesn’t Say

Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is nothing at all.

Hustle culture tells us otherwise.

Hustle culture says:

  • Beat the rest by outworking the rest.
  • Give 110% all of the time—no days off.
  • There will be plenty of time to sleep when you die.

But, what hustle culture fails to tell us is:

  • Burnout is real.
  • If we don’t take optional rests, we’ll experience forced shutdowns.
  • 100% can only ever come after a full charge. What might feel like your 100% might actually only be your 48% max because your battery is drained.
  • Consistency is more important than intensity. And trying to consistently give more than your 100% max effort on a daily basis is about as asinine as trying to sprint a marathon.
  • Sleep now or die sooner.

Turn down the volume on hustle culture. Turn up the volume on the whispers of your body.

If there’s anything you should prioritize in the new year that will best help you reach your goals, it should be more blocks of nothing.

Space where you can deliberately recharge, check in with your body, and adjust your pace.

Not more ways you can work at a suboptimal levels for the sake of getting diminishing returns only to end up rebounding back to where you originally started.

No. This year, don’t add more hustle to your resolutions—add un-hustle.

Trust Your Body (Not Your Mind)

Trust the whispers of the body.

Question the yells of the mind.

Your body might whisper “sore legs” to which your mind might amplify to “TAKING THE WEEK OFF FROM EXERCISE!” Question the mind:“Is that really what sore legs means?” Listen to the body: “Sore legs—noted. Light stretching and upper body it is then.”

Before a public speech your mind might yell, “DANGER! RED ALERT! RUN!” while your body might be whispering, “you’re ready for this… you know this topic… stay calm.”

Or, after a hard breakup, your mind might be saying “GOOD RIDDANCE! WE DIDN’T NEED THEM! THEIR LOSS!” while your body might whisper, “that hurt.”

You see, the mind is in the business of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain which usually means staying inside of the comfort zone and fabricating situations to make them more—comfortable. But, that’s not what the body needs.

What the body needs is for the mind to respond properly to its signals; for the pain to be confronted, felt, and expressed; for the emotions and trauma to be seen and heard.

It needs for the mind to be a compassionate ear—an ally. Not a lazy megaphone that operates as an independent.

There’s More To You

It never ceases to amaze me how much we can learn from ourselves when we actually take the time to sit and clearly write the content of our minds.

We have an entire lifetime of experience, have processed an unfathomable amount of raw information, and have one of the most powerful computers synthesizing it all 24/7.

Don’t undermine yourself. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t underestimate your abilities.

There’s more to you than you think.

The Freedom To Feel

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Dr. Seuss

To which I would change to:

Cry if you feel to, smile at the wholeness of what happened.

Not as catchy, I admit. But, worth considering.

Telling yourself not to cry—to not acknowledge the weight of a hard situation is to reject a key component of any given experience.

Only focusing on the smiles will limit depth. Only focusing on depth will limit smiles. It’s the whole experience—the entirety of the human experience—that we should be after.

Allow yourself to flow freely between both—and all.

Do Right By Your Past Self

After 20+ yrs of training, today is the day I got to test for my 5th Degree Black Belt in ITF Tae Kwon-Do.

As I was prepping for this day, I thought about what 11 year old me—the one who started Martial Arts all those years ago—would think if he watched me perform.

I imagined that overweight, self-conscious, always-hard-on-himself kid and I thought about everything he wanted to become: fit, confident, disciplined, looked up to, able to perform under pressure—and able to do cool moves, of course.

And it was an overwhelmingly emotional moment for me when I finished the test and thought to myself: I think he would’ve been proud.

The *Real* Key

Sometimes, standing between you and your next level of growth is a locked door.

And quickly trying to kick it down doesn’t work (like it might for some other doors).

No. This door, needs the right key.

But, which one is it?

We’re told all of the time that:

  • Consistency is key.
  • Humility is key.
  • Gratitude is key.
  • Self-awareness is key.
  • Patience is key.

How to know which one is the real key?

Well, there’s only one way to find out.

Try each.

Here’s the thing: all of these keys are easily accessible and free for you to use. Heck, you can even add each of them to your key ring and use them daily if you’re up to it.

The real key is to stop trying to rashly kick down doors and to use what’s right in your hands.