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Month: July 2021

The Real Reason For Your Stuck-ness

Published on July 23, 2021

When stuck, most people will blame circumstance.

But, what’s really holding them in place is what they believe to be true about those circumstances.

  • I can’t lose weight because I was born with an awful metabolism (blaming circumstance). Underlying belief: I’m the type of person who can’t lose weight.
  • I have awful anxiety because of how I was raised (blaming circumstance). Underlying belief: I deserve to have awful anxiety.
  • I’m going to be single forever because whenever I open up to people, I get hurt (blaming circumstances). Underlying belief: No relationship will ever honor my vulnerability.

Your beliefs are the real source of your stuck-ness.

Change your beliefs and you’ll finally be able to change your scenery.

If You Want To Change How You Act—Start Here…

Published on July 22, 2021

We think—then we feel—then we act.

Even when we think we act before we think or feel—we don’t.

We simply act really quickly in response to something we think and then feel.

Like when you get cut off in traffic. You don’t just act without a thought or feeling.

You just go from, “What are you doing you idiot?!?!” to feeling threatened to responding with road rage in what feels like a thoughtless snap.

Because that’s the response you’ve spent the most time training. Every time someone cut you off, right from the very beginning, that was the thought, feeling, action sequence that you practiced. And so it became a habit. So much so, that it feels thoughtless to you.

But it’s not. And it can be changed. Just like any other bad habit.

But first, you have to change how you think about those bad habits.

Rather than,“What are you doing you idiot?!?!” think, “Wow, I’m so thankful for my reaction time—this person obviously didn’t know what they were doing.” And let that lead to feeling proud of yourself for your awareness/ reaction time. And let that lead to a heightened sense of gratitude rather than road rage.

So long as you continue to think of the drivers around you as idiots, the feelings of being threatened will continue to emerge, and the response will continue to be road rage.

If you want to change how you act, change how you think, first.

Make What’s Hard, Easier

Published on July 21, 2021

Writing a book is hard. Writing one sentence is easy.

Earning a black belt in martial arts is hard. Attending one class is easy.

Freeing yourself from the grips of anxiety is hard. Meditating for a few minutes is easy.

Everything in life that’s hard, is just a series of things that are easy.

You just have to break things down further and take the first, small step.

And then take it again. And again. Until you’ve done what’s hard.

Drop And Give Me 20!

Published on July 20, 2021

When I was a Martial Arts student, my teachers would give the entire class push-ups for the wrong-doings of a single student.

I hated being punished for things I didn’t do that were also out of my control. It made me resent them in many cases.

So, I resolved to never do that to a class when I became a teacher (Yes, I knew I wanted to be a Martial Arts teacher long before I ever was).

Now, the motto that I have worked tirelessly to embody is praise publicly, reprimand privately.

No longer is the attention of the class pointed towards the students’ wrongdoing—now it’s pointed towards the students who are doing things right. And the students who are doing wrong get a private conversation from a more experienced instructor who can compassionately help them understand and change their behaviors.

Had I not felt that resentment and planted that seed in my mind when I was a student all those year ago, maybe I never would have felt the need to change that tradition when I was in front of a class (with misbehaving students) all those later years.

You can learn just as much from the people who do wrong by you as you can from the people who do right by you.

You just have to keep an open mind and learn how to channel your negative emotions rather than let your negative emotions become you.

Filling Someone Else’s Void

Published on July 19, 2021

Rather than think about who you didn’t have in your life, think about who you could be in someone else’s life.

There is a particularly strong opportunity for this in the spaces where you were hurt the most by the people who you wish were there the most.

Why? Because you know just how much it hurts.

And there are plenty of people out there who are hurting just as much—if not more—from a similar type of absence.

And, just think, you could be the one who fills that void.

The Paradox Of Beliefs And Actions

Published on July 17, 2021

When we’re worried, we look for things to worry about.

When we’re angry, we look for things to be angry about.

When we’re irritable, we look for things to be irritated about.

The same follows for beliefs, too.

When we believe we’re stuck, we look for reasons to confirm our stuck-ness.

When we believe we’re victims, we look for reasons to confirm our victimhood.

When we believe we’re worthless, we look for reasons to confirm our worthlessness.

Our beliefs dictate our actions. We certainly don’t instinctually act in opposition to our beliefs. However, our actions are precisely what dictate our beliefs.

Here’s the thing: if you can figure out how to act in opposition to the beliefs that don’t serve you—you will have figured out the key to changing your beliefs altogether.

Anger Is Temporary Madness

Published on July 16, 2021

I reiterate: temporary madness.

Give it some space. Take some time away from the situation. Become sane again.

Let the haze of emotion settle so that what’s left is rational action.

Then, in your normal, non-maddened state—respond.

Remember, step 1 to solving any problem is: don’t make things worse than they need to be.

And acting in anger—in madness—almost always trashes step 1.