Category: Healthy Boundaries

Today, Verizon lost me as a customer.

The short of it is that they made promises they didn’t keep.

They promised certain deals, promised easy corrections, promised fixed bills… and broke those promises over and over and over again.

And it eventually got to the point where I gave them an ultimatum: either we fix this today or I’m going to another company.

After an hour of re-explaining the situation for the tenth time, the manager gave me a number to call… for the tenth time… and said that’s the best he could do.

So I left.

And so should you.

And I’m not talking about Verizon anymore.

I’m talking about businesses, services, and people in general who make promises they don’t keep.

And I’m not even just talking about “I promise” promises… I’m talking about people who don’t follow through with their word. People who say they’re going to do something and don’t.

The foundation of all relationships—be it business, service, or personal—is trust. And trust is built one made and kept promise at a time.

Don’t keep trying to build a house when what someone is giving you is sand for bricks.

Trust those who give you bricks to build houses with.

Yesterday, I had an intense non-stop day.

The martial arts school I teach at crossed 35 years in business and we hosted an open house event to celebrate. This involved a ton of setup, nonstop social interactions, and of course, lots of martial arts instruction. The team and I had to get there extra early and stay extra late.

Immediately afterwards, I was hosting a going away party for two of my martial arts instructors who are leaving to college. I had about 20 people over to my house and literally repeated the same thing from the morning. A ton of setup, nonstop social interactions, and—rather than dynamic martial arts instruction—a bunch of food prep, cooking, and cleaning took its place.

When it was all said and done, the day went from 7am – 11pm.

…Which was when I had to go to the computer to write my daily post for you beautiful people—which took me until after midnight.

…In no way am I complaining about any of this—it was a phenomenal day.

It’s simply a reminder to myself and to maybe a handful of you that when planning intense busyness, you mustn’t forget to plan proportionally intense recharging.

This picture quote I uploaded to MoveMe Quotes this week acted as a foreshadowing and personal reminder for what was to come this weekend.

Because today, it was a whole bunch of nothing. A day when I could recharge in proportion to how much I worked yesterday. A day when I can do as I please… relax or move as I wish… refuel, recover, and prepare for whatever will come tomorrow.

The problem with Reels/Shorts/Tik-Toks is the same problem as bringing the whole bag of cookies/chips with you to the couch… one by one they feel so small… so harmless… a few mere calories in your thousands of calories budget…

…Altogether, however, it turns out to be very much the opposite of that.

The illusion of the mini dose is, “What’s one more gonna hurt?” …It’s only a few seconds / few calories out from your day/ my diet… When in reality, one more turns into another one and another one until it’s way more than just one more.

…A few hours and several hundred calories out from your day/ diet.

This is why we don’t bring the whole bag of cookies with us to the couch; we eat a deliberate and mindful portion.

It’s also why I intentionally avoid opening the “bag” of Reels/Shorts/Tik-Toks when I’m on the couch or unwinding on my phone…

And instead, will watch more medium to long-form content on YouTube… things that are portioned, deliberate, and have actual, identifiable conclusions.

It’s choosing to eat a slice of apple pie versus choosing to eat from a bottomless bag of Doritos or Oreos.

…And it is making all the difference.

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Inner work prompt: How can you switch from bottomless bag to one slice in your life?

Every stimulus begs a response.

• Your phone rings from every call—and “likely spam” is your bff. You must decide if you’ll look, not look, answer, or ignore—every time.
• An app sends a notification. You must decide if you’ll clear it, check it (and likely go down the rabbit hole), or ignore it (and wonder about it on and off until you check it).
• A company emails you about a sale. You must decide if you’ll read it, click it, trash it, or ignore it.
• A friend asks you to do something you don’t want to. You must decide if you’ll say yes, say no, or come up with some kind of excuse or delay.
• The social media accounts you follow show hyper fit and popular people doing incredible and hilarious things that make you feel bad about yourself. You must decide if you’ll leave it and keep opening and scrolling, if you’ll unfollow/mute/block, or if you’ll ignore.

It’s one thing to work really hard to train your responses. To understand that the gap between stimulus and response is your destiny. To learn to control anger, to calm yourself after getting triggered, to manage your impulses to indulge, to have the confidence to stand up for yourself, to teach yourself to love yourself and not compare yourself to others…

…And it’s a whole ‘nother thing to design your lifestyle in a way that those types of stimuli that illicit those types of undesirable responses don’t even exist.

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P.s. If you enjoy getting these types of morning stimuli, you can support my future work by filling up my cup with that hot, brown goodness here.

Boundaries are the walls of your cup that allow you to keep precious energy in.

No boundaries, no walls; no walls, no way to keep energy in.

…And the byproduct is energy overflowing everywhere, up and out from the source of your being, and left up for grabs to whoever is willing to take it—yourself included in that fight.

Fighting for access to your own energy is no way to live.

And if, in fact, you feel like you haven’t had much energy for life, it probably isn’t so much an energy problem as it is a boundary problem. More caffeine, for example, only adds to the overflowing-up-for-grabs-energy that enters the fighting arena.

Construct walls around your energy.

Build up the outer perimeter of your cup.

And stop leaving your life source up for grabs.

Serve yourself a fine cup of that tasty, juicy life energy first and foremost and deliberately choose who you’d like to serve the rest to, second.

This is the way.

The opposite only gives life to the ones who usually deserve it the least—the takers, the manipulators, the narcissists, etc.

Starve them of your life energy and let the source of their power slowly die.

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P.s. I also published: The Ultimate Boundary Builder List – 101 Quotes On Boundaries To Take You From Zero to Boundary Hero

I’m writing an article for MoveMe Quotes on boundaries that I plan on publishing this weekend.

One of my favorite lines that I’ve read so far is: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

A lot of people feel bad about boundaries… They have a hard time saying “no…” They don’t want to let others down or make them upset or disappointed.

But the truth of the matter is that boundaries are an expression of love—not hate.

And when you draw a boundary that allows you to better prioritize yourself—and your own time/energy/attention—it’s an expression of self-love.

…Because it’s precisely how you fill yourself up so you can better give love.

And anyone who has a problem with that (except maybe children/dependents who require some additional strategizing)… is precisely the type of person who you need to draw a boundary to.

…You’re not letting anyone down.

…There’s nothing to feel bad about.

…You’re not a disappointment.

You’re creating the line that allows you to BETTER LOVE them AND you simultaneously.

Really soak this one in… Because if you keep allowing them to cross your boundaries and suck the life from you… soon there won’t be any life—or love—left for you to give.

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P.s. You can read my complete collection of 150+ quotes on boundaries that I’ll be making the article from here.