Category: Understanding Love

I uploaded a quote today that read, “The more the heart expands, the less offended I feel by other people working out their particular stage of being a human.”

And boy, isn’t that the truth?

It wasn’t until I understood that hurt people, hurt people… that I started softening my approach towards people who hurt.

It wasn’t until I experienced the fear of having to stand up to a bully and put my own wellbeing in danger… that I understood why people might choose to be a bystander in the face of an injustice.

It wasn’t until I experienced loss and had emotional outbursts… that I understood the potency of the fuel and blinding effect behind emotional outbursts and learned not to take outbursts pointed towards me personally.

Before you take offense to something somebody says or does… try expanding your heart a little further. You just might find yourself observing a very human stage that you, too, once experienced and had to work through yourself. Or at the very least, a stage that you—a very human kind of human—could’ve found yourself in if you experienced all that the other person experienced, too.

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Inner Work Prompt: Bring to mind some of the recent experiences you’ve had where you found yourself feeling offended by something somebody said or did. How can you expand your heart to better understand where that decision stemmed from?

One of my martial arts students decided to have his birthday party at the school I teach at.

The week leading up to his party, my team discovered he had only one person RSVP.

So they quickly went to work and called his family to let them know, put together a list of other students who might enjoy coming, got the family’s permission to invite them, and took the initiative to do exactly that—successfully having six kids show up to his party.

Can you imagine how that child might’ve felt if the one person to RSVP got sick that day or got too busy to go?

I often write about being the one to take initiatives to connect people… to set up meetings… to plan gatherings that allow for IRL FaceTime… to do the inner work that gives you the confidence to be the first to say hi, start a genuine conversation, and ask the person out… etc.

…But today, I was reminded of how important it is to be the one to do the showing up when invited… to take the initiative to confirm an RSVP… to share your excitement about being a part of their gathering and finding ways you can add even more excitement to the already made plans… and so on.

Showing up might not feel like that big of a deal to you… but to others? To the ones who did the inviting? Who are doing the hosting?

…Trust me when I say very little could be bigger.

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Inner Work Prompt: Who has been inviting you to connect that you haven’t been able to RSVP with? Could you confirm that today?

Just as you wouldn’t compare the rise of one rollercoaster with the feeling of finishing the first fall of another… so too shouldn’t you compare the rise of one relationship with the peak feelings you had in another.

Give each relationship space to breathe… give it time to rise… let yourself fall… feel like you’re feeling each moment for the first time. And let the rollercoaster of your past fade into the background.

Let the best rollercoaster be… the one you’re currently on.

Feeling awful from the toxic cycle of hate, division, and fear that is constantly spewing from your modern day screens? Let me offer you some top tier advice:

Go to more music shows.

I have yet to experience another place on earth that is more universally uniting, accepting, and love spewing—generally speaking and with some exceptions.

The thing about music is that it emphasizes vibe above everything. And removes from the emphasis divisive topics and accompanying differences.

The thing about us humans is that we all want to feel seen and heard. And we want to experience the good vibes that result in joy, excitement, and pleasure. Nobody truly wants the opposite of that. Which is why music is such an incredible medium… it connects people from a vibrational standpoint and then facilitates the flow of good vibes that come from that connection (feeling seen and heard) and the music itself.

It allows us to meet others from a vibrational standpoint first. It allows us to see what unites us first. It allows us to find the common ground between one another first.

And then…

And then… how much better it will be to discuss divisive topics and differences…

A friend of mine just recently broke up with her boyfriend.

And as we were talking about it, there was one line I said to her that I thought was worth passing on:

“We tend to get what we settle for in life… and by refusing to settle for coldness, mistreatment, and emotional cheating… you’re moving more of the opposite into your future. Believe that.”

This is what we mean when we say, “Never settle.”

It’s not a motion to never settle per se.

It’s a reminder to never settle for anything less than what you truly deserve. And by knowing what that is and moving away from anything that ain’t it… you’re allowing your future self to finally settle with someone who knows how to treat you for all that you’re worth.

While scrolling through Pinterest, I stumbled across a question: “What do you scroll for? What are you looking to find?”

In my case, I was looking for inspiration. Inspiration for myself and inspiration I could share with others. To take it a step further, I was looking for pathways that might take me into myself. I was looking for triggers for inner work. I was looking for understanding and depth that’s digestible and appealing.

Not too long ago, I recognized that my social media platforms of choice were causing me to undervalue myself. I was looking at everything I wanted to be… everything I wanted to have… everyone I wanted to be with…

And it was taking me further and further away from myself.

And it’s not like there isn’t anything inherently wrong with looking at those things… but, it became toxic for me. It wasn’t serving me… it wasn’t leading to growth… it was only leading to self-limiting beliefs and defeatist mentalities. So I quit and focused my attention elsewhere.

What I’m finding interesting now is that I’m back on those same platforms, but with a completely changed mindset. I started following creative music accounts—mostly DJs sharing tips, tricks, live performances, and so on. And I’m loving it again.

…What am I looking to find?

Inspiration that’ll help me build my skills and expand my musical understanding. To take it a step further, I’m looking for ways I can better connect to the present moment via music and dance… ideas that’ll help me create moments and spaces like this for others… and opportunities to just celebrate life with seas of strangers.

…What are YOU looking to find?