Category: Understanding Love

Phil Stutz once said, “Your relationships are like handholds to let yourself get pulled back into life.”

And the thing about relationships, connection, and authentic human interaction… is that it can’t be replaced by automations, programming, or AI.

We humans will always need these handholds to keep us pulled back into life.

And if you can take a little initiative in your life to offer those around you some of those handholds… you will always be valued and cherished in your circle and our society.

All great relationships are built from great conversations.

All great conversations are built from great questions.

All great questions are built from a great curiosity and introspection.

Ask some of the people you know some great, open-ended questions.

Reinvest time, energy, and effort into the ones who have great thought-provoking answers and follow up with some of their own great questions.

This is the foundational strategy for building great (better) relationships in your life.

Yes, actions are better than words (mostly).

But, that operates under the assumption that you can only pick one.

…Because you know what’s better than just actions?

Actions and words.

What’s interesting about every new relationship is that with each one, you get to look closely again at who you want to be.

It’s as though you get to look into this person’s eyes as they look back at you and paint each stroke of your character and color in your personality as they fill the blank slate that is you…

It’s as though you get to decide if you want to start telling yourself a new story… about who you are and how things have come to be… whether or not you want to invest in new ideas… fresh thought processes… in shadow work that’ll allow you to more calmly be…

It’s as though you get to more prominently feature a more evolved version of you… a more brave version… a more loving version… the version that maybe wasn’t ready or far enough down the path to count as a whole number upgrade… because maybe you were closer to a 1.1 version than a 2.0.

…What’s interesting about every new relationship?

It’s that with each one you get to meet a new—hopefully upgraded and better—version of you.

Bring to mind somebody who helped you but you never formally thanked.

…Somebody who maybe inspired you indirectly via their presence or example they set.

…Somebody who might’ve casually said something that deeply resonated with you and had a big rippling effect on your life.

…Somebody who you follow online who you’ve never officially met who created (or creates) content that regularly impacts and improves your life.

And then… open up a blank email, text, or piece of paper and complete the following sentence: “You may not know this, but you really helped me by…”

Only take as long as you have available to you right now to complete this—whether that’s 1-minute or 10 minutes or longer. But, don’t wait to do this until later.

Once you’re done, send it to that person.

Unprompted. Imperfect. With no expectations of return.

Being with the right person makes you a better person.

Not a more socially liked person…

Not a more financially stable/rich person…

Not a more envied / talked about person…

…Although it could include each of those things.

…But, a better person.

…A more compassionate and empathetic person.

…A more generous and value-adding-member-of-society type of person.

…A more down to earth and loving person.

What makes being with the right person so great is that you become a better version of yourself when you’re with them.

A version that’s free of masks and facades… free of acting and fronting… free of hiding and manipulating.

…Free of anything that cages you behind any kind of bars and in fact, makes you feel more free than ever before to be your true and authentic self.

If you’re not sure if the person you’re with—or thinking about being with—is right… ask yourself this: Am I a better me when I’m with them? Or am I becoming a version of myself that is moving away from my highest version when I’m with them?

Act accordingly from there.

I uploaded a quote today that read, “The more the heart expands, the less offended I feel by other people working out their particular stage of being a human.”

And boy, isn’t that the truth?

It wasn’t until I understood that hurt people, hurt people… that I started softening my approach towards people who hurt.

It wasn’t until I experienced the fear of having to stand up to a bully and put my own wellbeing in danger… that I understood why people might choose to be a bystander in the face of an injustice.

It wasn’t until I experienced loss and had emotional outbursts… that I understood the potency of the fuel and blinding effect behind emotional outbursts and learned not to take outbursts pointed towards me personally.

Before you take offense to something somebody says or does… try expanding your heart a little further. You just might find yourself observing a very human stage that you, too, once experienced and had to work through yourself. Or at the very least, a stage that you—a very human kind of human—could’ve found yourself in if you experienced all that the other person experienced, too.

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Inner Work Prompt: Bring to mind some of the recent experiences you’ve had where you found yourself feeling offended by something somebody said or did. How can you expand your heart to better understand where that decision stemmed from?