Category: The Nature Of Suffering

It’s easier than ever to feel envy in our hyper-comparison, media based world.

And it’s precisely this unchecked feeling of intensely wanting what others have to the point of it harboring resentment and anger that leads to so much of our modern day suffering.

Furthermore, because of the nature of algorithms, access to people’s lives, and our instinctual desire to ceaselessly compare—we get trapped in these downward spiraling feedback loops that go from seeing, to wanting, to envying, to resenting, and back to seeing in no time at all—perpetuating the cycle over and over again—possibly hundreds of times in a day…!

It’s no wonder people’s mental health is in such peril. For what is anger, resentment, and even hate, but a poison to our system? And what are we doing but creating it inside of ourselves via what we’re choosing to consume?

…If we want to change this, here are two thoughts:

1) Stop drinking poison. If it’s creating intense feelings of envy… work to remove that influence from your experience. Unfollow, mute, and block work great online. It can be a little tricker in real life, but it’s certainly possible with some courage and creative problem solving.

2) Learn to better process the poison. Like what the liver does with alcohol, develop the ability to “metabolize” envy as it arises. This might include remembering: (1) Other people’s lives are theirs and 100% out of your control and (2) You have the ability to grow and improve.

Because once you can learn to metabolize envy into rocket fuel for growth…

…You tell me how that won’t turn that downward spiring feedback loop right on its head.

First of all, I’m in camp: comparison is at the root of all unhappiness.

However, there is a comparison sweet spot that can be healthy and motivational.

The modern day dilemma is that most of the comparison that happens in our digital, ever-connected lives is with people who are in completely different leagues than us.

Why? Because it’s the best in the game—across all domains—who get the most view time on media platforms.

It’s the most fit athletes, the most attractive influencers, the most witty entertainers, the most successful business people, the most risky stunts people, etc. who capture and keep the most attention.

It only makes sense.

What we need to be conscious of is when it doesn’t make sense for us and our mental health.

And when it doesn’t make sense is when we’re aspiring to be more fit and we’re comparing ourselves to the million follower athlete. Or when we’re an aspiring side hustler and we’re comparing ourselves to the full-time, six-figure, media-empire-content-creator. Or when we’re an aspiring writer and we’re comparing ourselves to Stephen King.

See, nothing squashes motivation faster than putting yourself up against somebody who you know you don’t stand a chance against.

Where the motivation scales tip in our favor, however, is when we compare ourselves to people who are only a few steps ahead of us; people who we feel we have a chance against; people who, with a little more work, we might catch.

We don’t become a pro right out of the gate. We get really good at the amateur level and work our way up—slowly. The same should be strictly followed in our digital lives, too.

Do not think that today will come without challenges.

To think so would be naive and in contradiction to the countless challenging days that have come before.

No.

Instead, think that today’s challenges will be met with the inner strength, resilience, and resolve that has helped you overcome the endless list of the challenges that have come at you before.

And with this… head into your day with your posture straight, mindset ready, and smile on for whichever sorry challenge makes its way onto your path first.

Because onto that endless list it too shall go.

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P.s. I’m giving away the first 3 meditations from my new guide away for free to anyone who shares it—on social media or wherever. If this is you and I missed you, reply to this email and I’ll send them to you asap! And if you don’t really do social media, reply and I’ll send them to you anyway :)

Suffering is an internal state.

And you’ll never be able to outrun what’s inside.

In fact, the longer you try running from suffering the more time it’ll have to build strength and the more tired you’ll ultimately become.

The way towards healing isn’t running—no.

The way towards healing is stopping.

…And looking at the suffering; sitting with it; inquiring into its existence—understanding the suffering (that never just arbitrarily arrives).

And then slowly, slowly—rebuilding your strength while you drain it of its own.

Until eventually you can turn suffering into softness that you can then mold like clay and let go of like art.