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Category: Transforming Pain

The Deepest Form Of Loneliness

Published on August 16, 2021

The deepest form of loneliness doesn’t come from being estranged from others.

It comes from being estranged from ourself.

How do we become estranged from ourself?

The same way we might become estranged from others:

  • By not being friendly.
  • By not initiating conversation.
  • By not asking interesting questions.
  • By not surrounding ourself with people whom we might relate to.
  • By not doing what we say we’ll do or following up on things discussed.

The relationship we have with ourself is no different. We must:

  • Be kind to ourself.
  • Initiate and properly guide our inner conversations.
  • Learn how to ask better, more empowering questions.
  • Immerse ourself in environments and media that is constructive.
  • Do the things we say we’ll do and check in with ourself regularly.

When you become a kind and loving friend to yourself, how could you ever truly be lonely?

Familiar Pain

Published on August 15, 2021

Most of us will choose a familiar pain over an unknown alternative.

We gravitate towards the familiar because it gives us a false sense of safety.

And so long as we continue to cling to that false sense of safety, we shouldn’t expect to get anything different than the same old, familiar pain. Time and time again.

But, what if, what lies in the unknown isn’t greater pain, but a place where there’s better pain?

What if, it’s precisely in the unknown where the pains of growth, love, and healing lie?

Don’t Ignore Pain

Published on August 12, 2021

Pain is a signal.

From your body? It’s a signal that should lead to rest, rehab, reflection, recovery, TLC, behavior change, and/or the seeking of professional help.

From your emotions? It’s a signal that should lead to, well, rest, rehab, reflection, recovery, TLC, behavior change, and/or the seeking of professional help.

Pain is not a signal to speed up—it’s a signal to slow down or stop altogether.

Don’t ignore signals.

Unpacking Trauma From Your Bags

Published on August 3, 2021

Trauma comes from clinging.

Healing comes from letting go.

When you white-knuckle the trauma of your past, of course it’ll stay with you. You’re dragging it along with tightly clenched fists. It should be of no surprise that every time you turn around, there it is.

The first step towards healing, before you can move away from your trauma, is to loosen your grip and drop the weight of the baggage that you’ve been working so hard to carry. Baggage that was unfairly given to you—imposed upon you.

It’s not yours to carry. It was never yours to carry.

Once it’s dropped, check your state. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Relax the muscles in your face. Take a deep breath in. And as you breath out, take a good hard look at everything you’ve been dragging behind. And not just the things at the top of the bag, but the things at the bottom of the bag, too. Confront it all.

You probably won’t be able to do this in one day, and that’s okay. Take whatever time you need. But make it (and keep it) a priority.

Then (and this is key) take from those bags only what’s of value. The lessons, the points of connection, the direction—whatever can be utilized—and leave the rest of that shit behind. If it has no practical use, then it has no use being in your bag.

When you repack your bags, pack light.

This is not the end of the journey for you.

This is but the beginning.

Drop And Give Me 20!

Published on July 20, 2021

When I was a Martial Arts student, my teachers would give the entire class push-ups for the wrong-doings of a single student.

I hated being punished for things I didn’t do that were also out of my control. It made me resent them in many cases.

So, I resolved to never do that to a class when I became a teacher (Yes, I knew I wanted to be a Martial Arts teacher long before I ever was).

Now, the motto that I have worked tirelessly to embody is praise publicly, reprimand privately.

No longer is the attention of the class pointed towards the students’ wrongdoing—now it’s pointed towards the students who are doing things right. And the students who are doing wrong get a private conversation from a more experienced instructor who can compassionately help them understand and change their behaviors.

Had I not felt that resentment and planted that seed in my mind when I was a student all those year ago, maybe I never would have felt the need to change that tradition when I was in front of a class (with misbehaving students) all those later years.

You can learn just as much from the people who do wrong by you as you can from the people who do right by you.

You just have to keep an open mind and learn how to channel your negative emotions rather than let your negative emotions become you.

The Ocean Of Emotion Within

Published on July 13, 2021

Deep within each of us is an ocean.

An ocean of emotion collected over a lifetime of exchanges that sits at the core of our being.

When suppressed, our emotions, as water, run their way down our inner landscape from the heights of our conscious mind to the deepest parts of our subconscious. From the top of the clouds to the bottom of the ocean. From source to storage.

And with that storage comes a heaviness, like the ocean, that can’t be denied.

Many people look at that heaviness as a burden. As a collection of undesired, painful emotions that do nothing but weigh them down and cause them suffering.

But, what if I told you that all of that emotional water that you’ve collected was the very substance required to sustain and nourish inner life?

What if I told you that what the arid, drying, and dying landscape of your mind was craving was some of the very water that you backwardly have been suppressing and vilifying?

What if that ocean of water wasn’t a burden at all? What if it was the very source of your power, your insight, your wisdom, your creativity, your individuality—your life?

What if all you had to do was tap into it, like a well, and start pumping the water out to both nourish surrounding life and alleviate the weight that’s been holding you down?

Moving Forward In Darkness And In Light

Published on June 24, 2021

Observing—even learning from—other people’s mistakes can illuminate a path forward for you.

But, having your path illuminated is much different than trudging through the darkness yourself.

Use both to keep moving forward, but don’t expect one to act as a substitute for the other.

Some lessons can only be learned in the dark. And some roads are too hazardous to travel without light.