Category: Transforming Pain

The Time And Space That Follows Hardship

Published on July 7, 2026

In a lot of ways, the time and space that immediately follows hardship isn’t the hardest.

In many cases, that time and space is filled with busyness and urgency and task lists.

Think about loss. What usually follows is funeral arrangements, hosting logistics, memory/legacy displays, writing a eulogy, vigils, etc.

Think about injuries/health scares. What usually follows are doctor visits, X-Rays/scans, personal research, secondary opinions, rehab/physical therapy, etc.

Think about injustice. What usually follows is evidence gathering, lawyer visits, activism, awareness raising, research and case development and rallying, etc.

…Yes, in the time and space that immediately follows hardship, there seems to be a constant flow of things that need to be done—things our mind can focus on—that takes it away from the pain of the hardship.

And in many ways, it’s in this busyness and action that we can constructively channel the big emotional energy contained within our sadness/anger/grief. Although it can also become an avoidance strategy and lead to a suppression that can later explode and completely break a person down.

Which is why it’s important to remember that it’s when the dust settles… when the task list thins to completion… when the time and space is no longer filled with busyness and urgency… that the real hardship begins.

The hardship of creating a new normal… of having to stare an uncomfortable/unknown/undesired reality in the face… of not having any more immediate distractions and having to really feel and be with the pain…

…And to not forget this when those in your circle experience hardship.

Your immediate presence is undoubtedly valuable.

But your ongoing check-ins, unannounced visits, and random messages are oftentimes… exponentially more so.

Leave Everything Behind

Published on July 3, 2026

One day, everything I’ve ever written will no longer be read.

…Everything I’ve ever recorded will no longer be watched.

…Everything I’ve ever said and done will be forgotten.

…Everyone I’ve ever loved and cared for will be gone.

And yet.

I still choose to keep on writing.

…To keep on recording and sharing things.

…To keep on saying and doing things.

…To keep on loving and caring and building and creating.

Because the point isn’t to leave something behind that people will always remember me by after I’m gone.

The point is to leave everything behind. To exhaust this temporary experience with every ounce of life force I have. To hold on to nothing and give all that’s inside to the collective in some small way or form.

Living for some legacy we won’t be there to feel?

…Or living to feel?

…And letting legacy do what it will as we leave our experience naked and empty-handed, yet content and full.

The Character Revealing Mix Of Camping and Live Music

Published on June 30, 2026

I spent this past weekend camping in the forest and listening to live music.

Which is an interesting mix.

The music unites and shines a light on everybody’s best—most joyful, relaxed, playful—side.

And the camping challenges and brings out a side of people that’s usually hidden—the cranky, stressed, irritable—side.

…Generally speaking, of course,

And I point this out because both are important. Not only to seek out when building relationships with others, but to reflect on as you build up the relationship you have with yourself.

Being “joyful, relaxed, and playful” when you’re well rested, around incredible energy, and hearing music that vibes with your soul—is easy. Again, generally speaking.

Being “joyful, relaxed, and playful” when you’re sore from walking/dancing, around irritable energy, and hearing comments and sounds that mess with your vibe? …Not so easy.

…But incredibly impressive and reflective of a person who has done their inner work.

Which isn’t to say you should never be cranky, stressed, or irritable. Those emotions are certainly signals that are most likely signaling things about your environment you should take note of and/or change.

…But it could just as likely be signaling things about yourself that you should take note of and/or change, too.

In What Expressive Medium Do You Find Yourself Lost?

Published on June 28, 2026

Find the medium where you feel you can best express yourself and lean in.

Maybe it’s music. Maybe it’s art. Maybe it’s sport.

Maybe it’s dancing. Maybe it’s painting. Maybe it’s basketball.

Maybe it’s line dancing. Maybe it’s ballet. Maybe it’s ecstatic dancing.

Maybe it’s watercolor. Maybe it’s oil painting. Maybe it’s spray painting.

Maybe it’s casual pick-up basketball. Maybe it’s in an amateur league. Maybe it’s in a professional league.

The thing is, where you find yourself lost in an expressive medium… that’s where you’ll find your most authentic self.

…Not when you’re in a business meeting, or on a first date, or making a video for a social media audience. In each of those examples, there’s a self-consciousness. A focus on what the other person thinks and a desire to give your best impression. And so you put on the best fitting personality mask that you think will elicit the best response.

When you’re lost in an expressive medium, however? And time flies by? And there’s no self-consciousness?

That’s where the real you shows his/her face.

That’s where the source of some of your most potent life energy will be.

And that… is where your best life and favorite people will be.

What Is A Celebration Of Life?

Published on May 30, 2026

…It’s an event where people come together and celebrate—in a way most appropriate for the person—a life lived.

We celebrate this life because it’s a miracle it ever even happened—against odds in the trillions to one ballpark (that’s trillions with a “t”). We celebrate this life because of the impact it had on ours—one that helped shape our character and identity as we know it, in both the biggest and tiniest of ways. We celebrate this life because of the impact it had on others—an impact which likely rippled further out into the world than they or we could ever truly know.

And yes, we mourn the loss because the above has come to an end.

…But, does it though?

What if the celebration of life event is an exercise in keeping the person’s impact alive?

What if we could carry the best of that person’s legacy with us and continue to ripple it forward into the lives of others?

What if the person we lost was a byproduct of hundreds of thousands of people’s legacies who came before… all totaling up to the person we loved so dearly?

And what if by celebrating them not only at the event, but regularly, you’re helping total up the character and identity of those around into something millions of others will eventually come to appreciate and love so dearly?

…Now What?

Published on May 28, 2026

Dear busy person,

A colleague and friend of mine just found out he has 6 months to 2 years to live.

This news could’ve just as easily been given to you.

…It could actually be beneficial for you to imagine it was.

Close your eyes. Visualize yourself in a doctor’s office after getting tests done the previous week. Today is results day. The doctor comes in and gets right to the point—no small talk. The above is the situation. And it’s said plainly and as a matter of fact. He says he’s sorry and walks out.

…What exactly were you so busy doing again?

…What was it that you were complaining about again?

…What important thing(s) did you say you were going to wait until later to do again?

The thought of death gives us the urgency to really live—whatever that means to you.

But when we bury death as an abstract, foreign concept into the deep, dark corners of our mind—we lose that urgency, don’t we?

Maybe it’s time we resurface it. Maybe it’s time we think about it again. Maybe today is a good day to imagine we only have 6 months left to live.

…Now what?

A Walk By The Water

Published on May 19, 2026

“You should take him on a vacation… so that he can best enjoy the time he has left.”

“…Why? So we can forget and drink beers on the beach? …No. No. I’m not doing that. I’m not letting him give up. I’m not giving up. I’ll take him for a walk by the water… so we can talk. I think that’s what he needs most—what he wants most right now. I’ll even help him change is lifestyle so that all the crap gets cut. But quitting isn’t what I want on either of our minds.”

—After hearing a mutual friend’s cancer metastasized and there was nothing more the doctors could do.