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Category: Transforming Pain

Always Upbeat; Always Positive…

Published on July 20, 2022

A friend of mine once said, “I want to always be known as the upbeat, energy guy.”

…So, he focuses on being perceived as positive and optimistic 100% of the time.

While on the surface this might sound admirable, a closer look might reveal how a strategy like this could actually backfire.

The reality of life is that we’re going to suffer. We’re going to be hurt. There’s going to be pain and upset and anger. And if we try to mask or suppress these feelings in an attempt to “remain upbeat”—we’re only going to end up magnifying them further.

This, of course, makes being upbeat and energetic all the harder, which worsens our state, which leads to more frustration, anger, upset—which leads to more suppression… and so it goes.

Emotions unconfronted are emotions that pressurize/ swell/ and later explode in uncontrollable ways. It is only by facing the emotions that arise and giving them the time/energy/attention they require that they may move through us and release.

So, when it comes to positivity and optimism, here’s the catch-22 that each of us should remember: Confronting the “negative” is what leads to the “positive.” Trying to only confront/ acknowledge/ reinforce the “positive” is what leads to the “negative.”

I put “negative” and “positive” in quotes because emotions aren’t inherently either. They’re just signals. And it’s up to us to interpret the signals and act on them in appropriate ways.

Masking them under an unrelenting armor of positivity isn’t one of them.

P.s. I’ll be hosting a LIVE discussion on Twitter where we dive deeper into the Art of Optimism and discuss how to best deploy it. Details here.

The Gift Of Healing

Published on July 16, 2022

Healing is as much a gift for us as it is for you.

Don’t ever sacrifice time to heal because you think it’ll upset people…

  • “Alone time? Why do you need alone time?”
  • “Why didn’t you want to hang out? You don’t like me?”
  • “Journaling/Meditating/Therapy?! You don’t need that…”

It’s you feeling like you don’t have time to heal that’s causing all of the upset.

Daily Healing

Published on July 13, 2022

Make healing a part of your daily routine.

Why? Because pain will continue to be a part of your daily experience.

Waiting until you completely breakdown isn’t a good strategy—yet it’s what most people do.

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, eh?

Well, here’s the reality: we’re all broke. If this weren’t the case then we’d each be perfectly unbroken.

Which, of course, isn’t true.

We all have pain. And we’ll all continue to have pains—it’s one of our shared realities in life.

When our pain is left un-confronted it metastasizes—until eventually it takes over our entire experience.

It’s only when our pain is confronted (via healing practices) that it may finally fade—and eventually leave our daily experience.

P.s. I also published an article in “In Fitness And In Health:” 11 Lessons For Life From 21 Years of Martial Arts Training (8min read). I’d love it if you checked it out. :)

Utilizing The Self In Self-Worth

Published on July 11, 2022

Self-worth isn’t something you find in another person.

Self-worth is something you find in your-self.

You might find borrowed validation, temporary belonging, and fleeting feelings of encouragement from others.

But, once that fades or situations change, you’ll be left feeling unworthy and craving those external sources all over again—they become a crutch.

This isn’t to say that external sources of validation, encouragement, and belonging aren’t useful. They most certainly are—especially at the earliest stages of our development when we’re trying to figure out who we are and how to act.

But, there needs to be a point where we move from being dependent on them, to being independent and able to create our own feelings of validation, encouragement, and belonging.

And everlasting, self-sustaining sources of self-worth come from a careful, deliberate, internal watering of the seeds of our identity. It comes from the inner work where we confront the question of who we are (or who we are not) and all of the associated questions that piggyback with it.

And with the help of others, inner work, and enough time—our roots will eventually entrench themselves deep enough into our mind’s soil so that the trunk and branches of our identity will be able to reach freely towards the heavens without any need of crutches or support from anything else.

But, without the inner work—without the work we do our-self—we will be forever tied to the crutches that were only there for temporary support and those external sources of strength will become one of our biggest sources of inner weakness.

The Bridge Between Consumer and Creator

Published on July 3, 2022

Moving from consumer to creator can be intimidating.

Consuming is risk-free, relaxed, and dopamine-releasing—but, unfulfilling.

Creating is risk-taking, nerve-wracking, and self-exposing—but, rewarding.

One intermediary step that helped me is curating.

Which, many people don’t realize, is a form of creation in its own right.

Taking the best of what you find and creating your own unique content playlist(s) is an art form—one that highlights unique taste.

The best part is this: by immersing yourself in what speaks to you and your unique tastes—you’ll start making connections with your unique life experiences and ideas… it’s inevitable because you’ll only ever be pulled to curate what resonates.

And oftentimes, the byproduct of good curation over enough time will be creation.

Stop For Suffering

Published on June 24, 2022

Suffering is an internal state.

And you’ll never be able to outrun what’s inside.

In fact, the longer you try running from suffering the more time it’ll have to build strength and the more tired you’ll ultimately become.

The way towards healing isn’t running—no.

The way towards healing is stopping.

…And looking at the suffering; sitting with it; inquiring into its existence—understanding the suffering (that never just arbitrarily arrives).

And then slowly, slowly—rebuilding your strength while you drain it of its own.

Until eventually you can turn suffering into softness that you can then mold like clay and let go of like art.