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Category: Transforming Pain

State Matters

Published on September 17, 2022

Exhausted is not the time for inner work.

Looking into your dark places when you’re mentally dark isn’t a bright idea.

Exhausted is the time for rest.

RESTED is the time for inner work.

Go into your dark places with your light shining bright.

20 Remarkable Humans Who Transformed Their Pain Into Something Greater

Published on August 18, 2022

Below is a brief list of 20 remarkable humans who utilized and transformed their pain into something greater—something that made them into the remarkable humans we remember them to be (in no particular order):

  • Martin Luther King Jr. — Faced life-threatening racial violence and oppression.
  • Maya Angelou — Sexually abused and raped.
  • Pablo Picasso — Dyslexic and grew up poor.
  • Victor Frankl — Imprisoned at several Nazi concentration camps where his family was killed.
  • Franklin Roosevelt — Became partially paralyzed at 39 years old.
  • Oprah Winfrey — Gave birth at 14 years old and lost her child.
  • Frida Kahlo — Bedridden for months from a near-fatal automobile accident.
  • Jim Carrey — Experienced homelessness for an extended period of time.
  • Benjamin Franklin — Had to drop out of school at 10 years old.
  • Charlize Theron — Witnessed her mother kill her father.
  • Tony Robbins — Grew up in an abusive home with a poor stepfather.
  • Nelson Mandela — Wrongly imprisoned for 27 years.
  • Sylvester Stallone — Due to complications at birth, had a partially paralyzed face.
  • Tom Cruise — Born into poverty with an abusive father.
  • Frederick Douglass — Born into slavery, violence, and was separated from his parents.
  • Keanu Reeves — Dad left when he was 3. Lost a child. Lost a woman he loved.
  • Charlie Chaplan — Grew up poor. Dad left when he was 2. Mom was later sent to a psychiatric facility for mental health problems.
  • Ludwig von Beethoven — Deaf.
  • Stephen Hawking — Diagnosed at age 21 with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS).
  • Bethany Hamilton — Attacked by a shark at 13 years old (kept surfing and winning championships anyway).

Takeaway: What you might perceive as your biggest obstacle(s), heaviest burden(s), or greatest disadvantage(s) might very well be your most powerful source(s) of drive after all.

Your Struggles Vs Their Struggles

Published on August 10, 2022

Have you ever struggled and thought to yourself: “Why am I even complaining about this when millions have it SO much worse than me…”

Recognize that this is a toxic thought.

It essentially translates into: “My struggles are invalid and it’s wrong for me to feel how I do.”

…Which naturally leads to emotional suppression, message(s) ignoring, and a worsening of overall state. This is no way to solve a struggle.

Struggles are solved when you add confrontation (with the emotion(s)), subtract comparison, and give all of your feelings equal space to communicate the message(s) your body purposefully sent via them.

Telling yourself they’re wrong for being there doesn’t change the fact that they’re there.

Letting them fulfill their purpose—does. It allows them to move through you and out of your system—to wherever it is that fulfilled feelings go.

Send them there. Don’t deny, suppress, and exasperate them deeper inside, here.

The Opportunity Of Unpleasant Emotions

Published on August 9, 2022

Rather than looking at unpleasant emotions (e.g. anxiety, anger, upset) as burdens…

Look at them as powerful sources of fuel.

  • While joy might inspire a painting… sadness might inspire a masterpiece.
  • While love might inspire a song… heartbreak might inspire a classic.
  • While fun might inspire a book… pain might inspire a best-seller.

If you look closely at some of your favorite creations from throughout history… you might be surprised by how many were fueled by unpleasant emotions compared to those that were not.

Which begs the question… what might you be able to do/ create when your unpleasant emotions become fuel rather than weight?!

P.s. Here’s a short story about Frida Kahlo (as an example) and the unexpected gifts pain can provide.

Inner vs Outer Healing

Published on August 6, 2022

Surface level cuts might only require time to heal.

Deeper cuts will require more than that.

  • Ointment/ Prescription medications
  • Band aids/ Gauze/ Stitches
  • Surgery

As it is with inner healing.

Some surface level pains may only need time.

But, the deeper pains will require more active solutions.

  • Meditation / Time Away / Soul Searching
  • Prescriptive Reading / Introspective Writing
  • Group/Individual Therapy

Give your deep cuts only time to heal and they will likely become infected (and worsen).

By matching the proper prognosis to the severity of the (inner) pain, you’ll maximize your ability (and minimize the time it takes) to heal.

This starts by being completely honest with yourself or, better yet, getting an objective perspective about the severity of your inner pains; understanding the prognosis for each; and finding a way to take the proper actions in spite of the resistance you’re bound to face.

As hard as inner healing might be… it always beats infected inner wounds that you’re forced to face because of their un-ignorable severity. This is never a better route.

Always Upbeat; Always Positive…

Published on July 20, 2022

A friend of mine once said, “I want to always be known as the upbeat, energy guy.”

…So, he focuses on being perceived as positive and optimistic 100% of the time.

While on the surface this might sound admirable, a closer look might reveal how a strategy like this could actually backfire.

The reality of life is that we’re going to suffer. We’re going to be hurt. There’s going to be pain and upset and anger. And if we try to mask or suppress these feelings in an attempt to “remain upbeat”—we’re only going to end up magnifying them further.

This, of course, makes being upbeat and energetic all the harder, which worsens our state, which leads to more frustration, anger, upset—which leads to more suppression… and so it goes.

Emotions unconfronted are emotions that pressurize/ swell/ and later explode in uncontrollable ways. It is only by facing the emotions that arise and giving them the time/energy/attention they require that they may move through us and release.

So, when it comes to positivity and optimism, here’s the catch-22 that each of us should remember: Confronting the “negative” is what leads to the “positive.” Trying to only confront/ acknowledge/ reinforce the “positive” is what leads to the “negative.”

I put “negative” and “positive” in quotes because emotions aren’t inherently either. They’re just signals. And it’s up to us to interpret the signals and act on them in appropriate ways.

Masking them under an unrelenting armor of positivity isn’t one of them.

P.s. I’ll be hosting a LIVE discussion on Twitter where we dive deeper into the Art of Optimism and discuss how to best deploy it. Details here.

The Gift Of Healing

Published on July 16, 2022

Healing is as much a gift for us as it is for you.

Don’t ever sacrifice time to heal because you think it’ll upset people…

  • “Alone time? Why do you need alone time?”
  • “Why didn’t you want to hang out? You don’t like me?”
  • “Journaling/Meditating/Therapy?! You don’t need that…”

It’s you feeling like you don’t have time to heal that’s causing all of the upset.