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Category: Healing Not Healed

Mental Health Day Reminders

Published on October 10, 2021

Don’t fake being okay.

It’s okay to not be okay.

All of your feelings are valid.

You may screw up, but you’re not a screw up.

Asking for help isn’t quitting, it’s a sign of determination.

Expressing your feelings isn’t weakening—it’s empowering.

You deserve to get help, seek support, take days off, and get better.

Comparison is a killer—do the best you can with what you have, where you are.

You are more than your anxious thoughts, your past trauma, your mistakes, your flaws and your mental illness.

Cut yourself some slack. Don’t rush the process of healing. It’s okay to have off, unproductive, emotional days. It’s okay to rest.

You are not alone and you don’t have to fight your battles alone. There are people, just like you, who are seeking connection and support.

Always choose love and kindness—for others and especially for yourself.

Grumpy People

Published on October 8, 2021

My aunt on a grumpy hotel employee:

“Maybe he was just having a bad day. Maybe he had to poop and he couldn’t. You just don’t know.”

My new life philosophy for grumpy people.

Unpacking Trauma From Your Bags

Published on August 3, 2021

Trauma comes from clinging.

Healing comes from letting go.

When you white-knuckle the trauma of your past, of course it’ll stay with you. You’re dragging it along with tightly clenched fists. It should be of no surprise that every time you turn around, there it is.

The first step towards healing, before you can move away from your trauma, is to loosen your grip and drop the weight of the baggage that you’ve been working so hard to carry. Baggage that was unfairly given to you—imposed upon you.

It’s not yours to carry. It was never yours to carry.

Once it’s dropped, check your state. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Relax the muscles in your face. Take a deep breath in. And as you breath out, take a good hard look at everything you’ve been dragging behind. And not just the things at the top of the bag, but the things at the bottom of the bag, too. Confront it all.

You probably won’t be able to do this in one day, and that’s okay. Take whatever time you need. But make it (and keep it) a priority.

Then (and this is key) take from those bags only what’s of value. The lessons, the points of connection, the direction—whatever can be utilized—and leave the rest of that shit behind. If it has no practical use, then it has no use being in your bag.

When you repack your bags, pack light.

This is not the end of the journey for you.

This is but the beginning.

Hurt People, Hurt People—And What We Can Do To Heal Together

Published on May 10, 2021

“Hurt people, hurt people.”

Charles Eads, via MoveMe Quotes

Hate doesn’t just manifest itself from nothing. I believe firmly that we are all born pure manifestations of love and it is only from the suffering of life that we learn to hate. When traced honestly and mindfully, hate can usually be found rooted inside a person from potent and painful experiences. As a coping mechanism, hate acts as a way to retaliate back and hurt others the way that person was hurt.

The sad part, and a key part in this understanding is that usually, the conviction of a person’s hate is correlated to the pain they harbor. It’s where the expression, “Hurt people, hurt people” comes from. And it’s usually the case that really hurt people, really hurt people and less hurt people, hurt people less. Once we understand this, we can more mindfully begin our journey towards healing both within ourselves and with others.

And here’s the thing about healing and helping others heal: I don’t think any of us are “healed.” I think healing is a forever ongoing process. One that requires constant energy, attention, and time. Furthermore, I don’t think any of us are free from hurt. The suffering of life — in some way, shape, or form — is enough to include us all many times over. And with life being as chaotic, unpredictable, and turbulent as it is — the hurt and the healing will forever be changing all the same.

Once we understand the dynamics of hurting and healing, we can appreciate the scope of the situation we’re in. All of us are hurting — some more than others. All of us desire healing — nobody wants to remain hurt. The hurt comes as a given with life — life is suffering. Healing does not come as a given — it must be sought out and applied to one’s self. And as an act of compassion for the other, as we heal from our hurt, we can share what we’ve learned with others — so that they can hurt (and hate) less, too.