Category: The Power Of Reflection

Life lived through the head leads to a more gray, tamed, calculated existence.

Life lived through the heart leads to a more saturated, wild, spontaneous existence.

By default, many of us live predominantly through one or the other.

The magic of inner work is that rather than living primarily through just one of those places… we can re-route that energy and filter it through the other center before acting on it in reality.

This gives our judgment the balance it needs to guide us forward in a more holistic and complete way.

If we let our head guide us through relationships, for example, the above words is the kind of relationship we’ll get: gray, tame, calculated.

If we let our heart guide us through work… we might spontaneously quit our job, commit to something wild, and live a life saturated with polarizing emotions—on the street.

But when we filter our head through the heart in relationships, we get something that’s not only sensical… but passionate.

And when we filter our heart through our head… we get something that’s not only exciting… but practical.

Without space and time for inner work, energy and insight shoot directly from our head or heart and is used to make raw decisions that often end up feeling incomplete, lopsided, or even regretful.

Slowing down and redirecting that energy through the filters of the other center gives us the balanced perspective we need to make complete decisions that often end up feeling more whole and rewarding as life unfolds.

One of the best things I ever did for my career? Daily writing.
One of the best things I ever did for my relationships? Daily writing.
One of the best things I ever did for my mental health? Daily writing.

Here’s why: writing is thinking upgraded.

We download the raw content of our mind in our initial drafts…

Each edit not only improves our piece, but updates the original thought process.

And so if we ever download that content again… it’ll be the updated, upgraded version.

…And the more we repeat the process the more upgraded our thinking becomes.

So when I’m asked to give a presentation at work, my most recently upgraded thoughts get pulled… when I’m asked a question by a family member, friend, lover, etc., my answer is a reflection of what my most recently upgraded thoughts are… when I’m alone and thinking existentially or self-critically, the thoughts I pull are the most upgraded ones.

And if you haven’t written or done any inner work in 10 years… your most recently upgraded thoughts are going to be from 10 years ago. The same is true for a year ago, a month ago, a week ago, or a day ago.

…And not only that, but think about the frequency, too. One upgrade per year? Per month? Per week? Daily?

A bug fix is a bug fix is a bug fix—they all matter. Big upgrades and small ones.

But maybe think about how you might increase the frequency of them in your life.

I promise you it’ll be worth it.

An excellent daily writing prompt: what moment(s) from my day didn’t get enough time or space? What still needs to be felt, absorbed, or learned from that/those moment(s)? Think:

• Missed moments of gratitude. You can’t rush and feel grateful in the same moment. Rushing implies future focus—there’s someplace you gotta be, something you gotta do, someone you gotta see, etc.—and gratitude can only ever be felt in the present. Sometimes people express gratitude to you, or something incredible happens, or a special moment occurs, but you’re in too much of a hurry to really feel it. Replay that moment and let gratitude expand in proportion to the presence you offer.

• Missed moments of connection. Maybe you’re rushing and somebody unexpectedly shares something deep, important, or meaningful. And because of your pace, you’re unable to meet them at the same depth. Replay the moment and maybe write an appropriate response or reach back out to continue the conversation. Or maybe it’s a closed loop and was more of a statement than a conversation… Try carefully envisioning the experience and allow your unhurried feelings to emerge in full.

• Missed moments of learning. The expression experience is the mother of all teachers is wrong. It’s reflected upon experience that’s the mother of all teachers. We all know somebody who does the same stupid thing over and over and over again… and yet, never learns. Why? It’s not because of a lack of experience… it’s because of a lack of reflection, understanding, and internalization. And when we don’t make space for “reflected upon” in our lives… how are we ever going to learn?

…Try this tonight as you unwind from your day.

As an extension off yesterday’s post, not only do I think it’s better to read several pages from one author versus one page from several different authors (emails and blogs included)… I also think it’s better to read one page from one author and really think about what it said (and do inner work with what thoughts it evoked) versus reading a bunch of pages from one author filled with bunches and bunches of what they think with no time to think about any of it.

Inbox zero is tempting. Getting the book checked off your list is appealing. Sucking up every idea and insight available to you in every moment of every day can feel deceptively productive.

But the reality is, as I was alluding to yesterday, tons of insight plus zero processing space pushes those insights out of your brain just as fast as they’re getting sucked in—because our short term memories can only store so much… which is why we (I) can spend an hour watching short videos, feel good about them while I’m doing it, and finish feeling like I took nothing away.

The key takeaway from this is that insight isn’t instantly integrated. Insight needs processing space—inner work time—where it can simmer, settle, and melt into your being.

Otherwise, it’s in one ear and out the other… in one eye and out the other… in one side of your brain and forced out the other… letting it linger is what allows it to stay within. And lingering happens only when there’s nothing else pushing it around and out of the way.

It’s hard to participate in a sensory-heightening experience (e.g. public presentation, competition, or something fear confrontational) and NOT grow from it.

In fact, the only way to engage in an experience like this and not grow is if you deliberately choose not to learn anything from the experience.

And the only way to do that is by closing your mind… burying your head in the sand (read: screens)… deciding not to care… blaming, blaming, blaming… or otherwise trashing the raw potential that is the byproduct of all sensory-heightening experiences.

…Because that’s exactly what you get out when you put yourself in those types of situations: raw potential.

And like any raw resource… it needs time, energy, and effort before it can be refined and utilized (for growth).

The more you invest in sensory-heightening experiences—the more of that raw potential resource you get. But, always remember—that’s just one part of the equation.

…Because the more you invest in the refinement of that raw potential resource (by replaying, reflecting, and extracting what’s most useful)… the more you’ll be able to actually do something with it.

You can have an entire mountain of marble…

It won’t be at all useful until it’s extracted, cut, and engineered into countertop, furniture, or building…

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P.s. ICYMI you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

One of the benefits of daily reflection is you can more quickly identify slumps… plateaus… ruts.

The daily space created for inward looking allows you to more easily notice repeated patterns, downward trends, boring and monotonous ways of living.

…And you can more quickly act on this information and shake things up. You can change a routine, take a different approach, book a trip somewhere different, go and see a show or performance, set up a conversation with someone you haven’t chatted with before or in a long time, and so on.

When you’re fully immersed in the ceaseless urgent… it’s hard to notice any kind of trend. Trends are only noticed when you zoom out… when you can widen your vision from being focused only on one dot at a time to finally being able to see two… three… five… ten dots—only then can you see how they relate to one another.

Don’t get lost or lose your way looking only at one dot at a time.

…Make space to see how all the dots relate.