Category: Self-Limiting Beliefs

Is what’s stopping you from growing contingent on somebody else or yourself?

Are you waiting for somebody else to show you the way forward? Are you waiting for somebody else’s permission to do what you know needs to be done? Are you basing what you do and how you act every day on other people’s moods, how they pay you, and/or how they set up the environment’s you’re in?

Here’s the thing: the only person stopping you from growing is and only ever will be you.

The only way forward shown to you by others is the way they think works best—based on their unique life experiences—not yours.

When reflecting on permission, ask yourself if there’s another avenue forward that isn’t being guarded. Or consider the idea of doing what you know is necessary to grow and asking for forgiveness later—once you’ve leveled up… rather than waiting passively for permission all your life… and staying boxed up.

Basing what you do on other people’s moods, how they pay you, environments they’ve set up is throttling your potential. People’s moods will always be outside of your control. How people pay you is (should be) dependent on how much value you bring—not merely doing what’s expected of you within the confines of a job description. The environment is everything. If you can’t grow, heal, or influence it—leave it. Keeping yourself planted in a toxic environment is killing your growth.

There are endless choices that can be made. And when you’re considering each of them, forget blame. Point the finger at yourself and consider using growth as your north star.

…It’ll never lead you astray.

I uploaded a picture quote today that read, “Strange, isn’t it? You know yourself better than anyone else, yet you crumble at the words of someone who hasn’t even lived a second of your life. Focus on your own voice; it’s the only one that matters.”

…Not even one second of your life.

And yet, we crumble from a singular, insinuating remark.

It really is strange, isn’t it?

Why does this happen? Or maybe better yet, why do we allow this to happen?

One answer is that while, yes, we should know ourselves better than anyone else… in a lot of ways, we’re still figuring ourselves out. And those insinuating comments meander their way into our complex thought processes and become virus’ of the mind that infect the software of our brain.

…Unless or until we protect it.

How do we do that you ask?

By doing the necessary inner work that’ll upload firewalls and security checks to visiting comments and thoughts. This might involve 10-30 minute mindfulness scans and debugging sessions. Or downloading what’s been uploaded to your mind at the end of the day, writing about it, and cleaning up any infected files or malware attempts. Or proactively blocking sources of malware and spam—be it people, media profiles/sites, or places.

By focusing more on your voice—your cleaned up, uninfected, firewall protected voice—you can insulate yourself from these type of common, everyday, modern attacks and become the type of presence that doesn’t crumble, but stands smirking at the lame attempts of insinuating words because you see them (finally) for what they really are.

…Attempts to infect and control you that are baseless and really don’t matter.

When I was around 18 years old, I was selected to give a speech on bullying by the martial arts organization I worked for.

What I knew was that (1) it was for a bully prevention event being hosted within our community, (2) I was to talk about how martial arts can help prevent bullying and those being bullied, and (3) I could give a pretty good on the fly “mat-chat” at the end of a regular martial arts class where I would discuss important topics for a few minutes with students of all ages (which was why I was selected vs other instructors).

What I didn’t know was that (1) it was being hosted at The Buffalo Bills field house (the NFL team) for a large number of community members, (2) I was to give my talk immediately after a local beauty pageant queen whose entire platform was on bullying who had a well-memorized, stat-decorated, story driven speech that would make my “on the fly” thoughts feel juvenile and inadequate, and (3) my strategy of “not worrying about it” and “trusting that I’d figure it out when I got there” would wildly backfire and that I’d blackout when I was handed the mic on stage… and that I’d blabber and bomb it.

…And what I know now (after being interviewed by a local news station and comfortably speaking about the topic for 20ish minutes today) is (1) a whole lot more about bullying, (2) it’s largely because of that above mentioned experience that I do, and (3) one experience doesn’t have to define how all of your future experiences will go.

I got an email from a local yoga studio today.

They’re hosting a yogathon which features a two hour yoga class.

At first thought, two hours might sound like a really long time—and you might think back to the times when you took a 45 minute or 1 hour class and were deaddddddd.

And because of that you might count yourself out and resolve to do things that are more within the ol’ comfort zone.

But towards the end of the email, they included this line: “Before you count yourself out, consider what might be possible if you didn’t!”

…And what a powerful line that is.

Before you turn up the volume on your self-limiting beliefs, consider turning up the volume on this other, just as easily accessible, channel.

The channel that asks you to consider what might be possible if you didn’t count yourself out… what might happen if you did show up and try your best… what you might learn about yourself and how your life might change if you stepped into this extraordinary opportunity…

…And I’m no longer talking about the yogathon.

I’m talking about every extraordinary opportunity you’re offered in life.

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P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

…A student of mine exclaimed frustratingly while trying to coordinate her body to do some martial arts moves that she kept confusing.

To which I replied with something along the lines of: “Nothing is wrong with you. You’re learning. Slow down and stop thinking that anything is wrong with you. You’re on precisely the right path. It’s the rushing—your desire to get it correct now—that’s causing the confusion. Calm your mind and take it slow; patience is required for growth.”

So many times in life, what’s wrong with us is the fact that we think something is wrong with us.

And it’s precisely those beliefs that become the self-fulfilling prophecies that (continue to) make things go wrong.

What if—now stay with me here on this—nothing was wrong with you?

What if you were precisely where you were meant to be, as you are?

What if all of the people and things that were telling you that something was wrong with you were in fact… the ones and things that were wrong?

…What if you lived your life thinking you were… just right?

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P.s. 48 Brianna Wiest Quotes from The Mountain Is You on Self-Sabotage and Healing

Being the manager of a business, a big part of what I do is sales.

Fortunately for me, I’m wholeheartedly in love with what I sell.

Also fortunately for me, I’ve been able to learn from great salesmen who are also wholeheartedly in love with what they sell.

Many years ago, however, when I was first moving into sales from a teaching role, I made the mistake of thinking salesmen had to look a certain way, talk a certain way, and had to have a certain personality flair about them that was… in my mind… largely innate.

And in my mind, if my identity didn’t match that identity type… I couldn’t do it. After all, they were great, they looked the part, they were able to walk that innate walk… Who was I in comparison? …And it was that self-limiting belief that made me lack major confidence.

But, after enough training, trial-and-error, and growth… I slowly started to settle into my own style. I took what I liked from the greats, discarded what I didn’t, added my own unique takes, mixed in thoughts from other greats, and eventually landed on a style that I’m super comfortable and confident with.

This is the learning curve when it comes to developing any new skill.

As I reflect on this, the big takeaway for me is to avoid at all costs trying to copy and paste exactly what you see in another. This will only drain precious life energy that you could otherwise be using to invest in the real game-changing task: making the thing your own.