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Category: Problem Solving

Trust And Surrender

While at a music show last night, a distressed women crossed paths with a group of friends and I.

After calming her down, we gathered that she lost her friend group and was freaking out because it had been over an hour and there were quite literally thousands of people there… which meant poor (read: no) phone reception… constant changes and shuffles in the waves of people… and to make things worse for her, I don’t think she was even five feet tall—so she was surrounded by walls of people at every turn.

What happened next, though, was pretty incredible.

We created a space for her to calm down… where she could feel safe in the sea of strangers… where she could dance a little of the anxiety away…

And quite literally the moment after I finished saying, “Sometimes this is what happens and you have to just lean into the side quest, and just trust that it will all work out…” she looked back over my shoulder and finds her friend group.

And she started sobbing.

And we all started celebrating.

And we all had a sunshine and rainbows universe alignment moment.

…Had she continued on the distressed, anxiety-ridden path she was on, she would’ve continued in the exact opposite direction of where her friends were. Us creating that space for her got her to turn around and realign with a better path.

And as it usually does… the universe delivered a memory, a lesson, and a remarkable moment all wrapped into one.

Sometimes, as hard as it might be, we just have to learn to trust and surrender.

Right Now Has Nothing To Do With It

What happens today is a lagging indicator of everything you did yesterday and before.

If you’re feeling exhausted, right now has nothing to do with it… it has everything to do with the previous day or week’s sleep, habits, and health routines.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, right now has nothing to do with it… it has everything to do with the previous day or week’s (or month’s or year’s) productivity, initiative, and proactive problem solving (or lack thereof).

If you’re feeling unfulfilled, right now has nothing to do with it… it has everything to do with the previous day or week’s or month’s or year’s purpose alignment, relationship building, and/or inner work.

Remember when you’re feeling off, like a wilting plant, it won’t always be an immediately fixable problem. Weeks of no sun or water isn’t fixed with one exposure or pouring.

But if you can commit to consistent sun exposure and keeping the soil moist, so to speak, eventually, the lagging indicator of your not so distant right now, can be energized, accomplished, and content.

…You just need to remember to take care of your tomorrow self, today.

W. W. J. D.

…Stands for, What Would Jesus Do—and is a powerful framework for decision making that is/was practiced by millions… maybe even billions.

The idea is simple: when thrusted into a situation that makes you angry, upset, frustrated, etc., you pause for a moment and ask yourself, “What would Jesus do in this situation?” …And then you use that framework to guide your decisions forward.

It’s very helpful to use people as points of reference when we’re in need because while they might not have ever commented on how to handle each and every specific situation that comes up in your life… what they offer instead are embodied values and principles that, maybe we’re still working to embody, but can borrow from.

And it’s through this process of borrowing embodied values and principles that we embody them ourselves. It’s simply a matter of casting enough character and identity votes so as to tip the overall ballot into our default and ongoing behavior.

My challenge for you today is this: pick someone who can be this guiding light for you. Or maybe even better, do a deep visualization of who you are at your highest version and use that as your guiding light.

…Because trying to figure out specific answers to very specific problems can oftentimes only exacerbate the problem.

…But visualizing what Jesus, or Gandhi, or Mother Teresa, or Nelson Mandella, or your highest version would do—can oftentimes give you a clarity in a heartbeat that you might feel you so desperately need.

On Solving Problems You’re Used To Other People Solving For You

The very first time my Burning Man RV-mate went to ride his bike, after just having purchased it the day before, the tire went flat.

He didn’t even get one pedal in when he sat on the bike and watched the rim sink into the ground.

Seeing this, my first reaction was to recommend he take it to one of the bike camps and have them fix it—stemming from the same learned helplessness I mentioned yesterday.

But, he had a much different, “This is no big deal” and “It’ll only take five minutes” type of attitude that had him already gathering supplies before I could even finish my thought about which camp to take it to.

…And it was maybe a total of fifteen minutes later when he was riding off on his completely repaired bike, well before any of the bike camps would’ve been able to do anything about it.

Watching him do this and working with my other campmate on fixing her bike gave me a confidence in not only working with bikes, but as I mentioned yesterday, in trusting myself and my own problem-solving skills.

…Skills I realized grow not only with formal teaching, but with experimentation and time invested—something I knew cranially but knew better viscerally after getting down and dirty and actually having done it myself.

Because at the end of the week, on the biggest night of Burning Man—the night of the man burn—as I hopped on my bike to join the camp squad going, guess who got a flat tire?

That’s right.

…And guess who fixed it in about 20 minutes and still made it in time?

That’s right.

Fighting Back Against Learned Helplessness

Walking towards the camp’s lounge one morning at Burning Man, I found one of my campmates curiously squatted close to her upside down bike.

Asking her if everything was alright, she distractedly replied that her outfit got stuck in the chain, was entangled into the derailleur, and bent some of the wheel spokes into the bike mechanics the previous night.

My immediate impression was that it was a complete mess and that it should be taken to a person who knew what they were doing and have them fix it.

…But that wasn’t even a thought in this campmate’s mind.

She had the derailleur completely taken apart, was balancing about ten pieces, three tools, and an entire bicycle in two hopeful hands… and was… remarkably focused… patient… and determined.

After a minute or two of watching the scene… my hands turned hopeful too and I squatted next to her.

We put it back together… wrong… and took it back apart.

Put it back together again… wrong… and took it all apart again.

Tried it a few more times… wrong… and repeated a few more times after that.

Until finally, after about an hour of trial, error, and head scratching: We finally got it.

And let me tell you… it was an incredibly rewarding victory. Not just because we fixed the damn bike… but, because we fought back against a learned helplessness that runs rampant in modern society. A feeling I was guilty of at the outset of this process.

And what this campmate reminded me is that we’re far more clever and resourceful than we think—we just have to give ourselves more credit… more time… and particularly: more trust.

The “Green Monkey” Strategy

An 8 year old martial arts student of mine was having a breakdown in the lobby today.

When he finally opened up to me, he said he was having a “really bad day” and his mom was forcing him to take the class in spite of it.

After thinking about it for a minute I asked him, “Do you know why mom is trying to force you to take class today?”

And after a few moments of contemplative silence I told him, “It’s because of green monkey.”

You can imagine the facial expressions that followed—which was partially my goal.

But, it lead to a very important point.

I told him that our minds are awful at negating thoughts. Meaning, if we tell ourselves not to think about our “really bad day”—all we’re going to think about is our really bad day. Just like if I told you not to think about a pink elephant—you can’t help but think of one.

What I suggested was mom wasn’t trying to make him miserable… mom was simply trying to give him a “green monkey” for his mind to focus on for a while—so that he didn’t have to dwell on his really bad day any longer.

By attending martial arts class and moving his body, pointing his mind at specific techniques, and connecting with other students and instructors—he would undoubtedly feel better. Certainly more so than continued dwelling would make him feel.

And guess what…?

He said it made sense… went to class… and left class jump kicking with a smile on his face.

Never underestimate the power of the “green monkey” strategy in your life.

If It Ain’t Broke…

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

But, at the same time, if it can break, don’t forget to maintain it.

Too many of us live reactively in the world. Running from one broken situation to the next, exhausted and frustrated. Possibly because ain’t nothing wrong with any of it until of course… something is…

But, if we spent a little more time living proactively… and walking mindfully in our houses, businesses, and amongst our belongings and relationships… looking for things that are vulnerable, weak, or susceptible to getting damaged or broken… we might be able to prevent so many more “brokens” in our life.

Because here’s the thing: just because it ain’t broke, doesn’t mean we should ignore it.

When in fact, a little maintenance is precisely how we keep things from ever getting broken in the first place.