Category: Thinking Clearly

Where do I undervalue myself the most?

Published on July 9, 2023

I tend to undervalue myself the most when I’m in a comparison mindset with “the best.”

This happened most frequently when I was most active on social media—Instagram in particular. I would see elite athletes with impeccable physiques—and I’d undervalue my own. I would see the most attractive, most highly desired people—and I’d laugh at the prospect of my own (attraction). I would listen to the most incredible insights and see people speak with the most incredible conviction—and I’d form limiting beliefs around my ability to deliver the same.

Once I became aware of this connection, I slowly started to wane off all social media—Instagram mostly. And what I noticed is a proportional increase in my own feelings of self-worth and value. When you mitigate the comparison opportunities, you slowly start to increase your self-worth building opportunities. Because ultimately, the value I or you or any of us has to give, has nothing to do with the value someone else is able to bring.

Our value is a unique, independent gift—and when we do things, or expose ourselves to things, that make us not want to share our gifts, it’s the people in our own circles, who only we can uniquely impact who suffer and miss out as a result.

I learned my lesson. And I’m still working on minimizing and even mitigating social media use. What drives me is a desire to add more and more value to my own life so I can, more and more, add value to the lives of others.

P.s. Your turn. Use the above question as an inner work prompt and see what comes up.

Frustrated

Published on July 7, 2023

What frustrates me isn’t social media.

What frustrates me isn’t passive entertainment.

What frustrates me isn’t big media/ advertising/ marketing.

What frustrates me is lack of intention.

What frustrates me is lack of self-awareness.

What frustrates me is the massive time suck / loss of potential the above mentioned things facilitate.

…There is a time and a place for social media, passive entertainment, and other media… but every waking second that we’re not otherwise doing some active task isn’t it.

What frustrates me is the inability to stand in line without our phones, the inability to sit at home alone without a screen on, the inability to go the duration of one singular day without checking every social media site.

Because in all of those waking seconds when we’re not actively tied up doing other obligatory things… we could be reading from the greatest books ever written, writing from the depths of our soul, uniquely expressing ourselves in our chosen field of art, having real life interactions with real life people who are desperate for real life connection, and otherwise—doing nothing at all. Just sitting, thinking, reflecting, digesting, and coming to terms with what it all means—to us. Not to our parents, teachers, friends, lovers, or favorite influencers—to us.

So that we can interact with it all (everything listed above included) with intention, self-awareness, and mindfulness. Because without it, I fear that our interactions with social media, passive entertainment, and big media will only continue to scale unintentionally—and what we see when we look back will be huge chunks of life and potential gone… just gone… with no correlating memories and no chance of returns or exchanges.

The Answer Is The Question

Published on July 4, 2023

One of the best things a teacher can do for a student isn’t give them answers—it’s to spark a curiosity around a good question.

Answers represent outside-in information. Questions elicit inside-out information. The two are not the same.

Copy and paste an answer into your life and it won’t be long before you hit another wall that’ll require new outside information.

Start a fire inside that’s curious enough about answering a good question and watch as walls are continuously burned down time and again.

The caveat here is centered around the idea of the question being “good.” Just any question won’t do. In fact, some questions suck and may even have the opposite of the desired effect.

For example, if somebody asked me how they can lose 30 pounds in 30 days—I’d tell them their question sucks. There are things I could tell them that might help with that, but that doesn’t make me a good teacher.

What would make me a good (better) teacher is reframing the question (in this instance).

Depending on who I’m speaking with, I might reframe the question to, “Why do you feel like you need to lose 30 pounds in 30 days?” And let that lead them down a path of introspective work around identity and self-worth. Or “What’s something you feel like you can do for 30 years, that’ll make you feel healthier/ happier?” And let them chew on the idea of making lifestyle changes that are free of finish lines. And so forth.

With that, I leave you with two questions: (1) What’s the primary question you’re trying to answer in your life now? (2) Is there a better question?

The Crutch In “Knowing”

Published on July 3, 2023

To know and not to do, is the same as not to know.

Sometimes, we take classes on topics we’ve studied before, from people who have taught us before, not so we can learn brand new for the first time—but so we can remember to do at all.

There’s plenty that I “know”—that I’ve heard before.

But there’s very little (comparatively) that I’m actually doing—and even less that I’m actually doing well.

When we assume we know, we don’t give ourselves the chance to be reminded—and when we fail to act (because we forget), we might as well not have known in the first place.

In this way, it’s important to see how “knowing” quickly becomes the crutch that, very counterintuitively, can be precisely what’s holding us back.

Can’t Talk

Published on June 21, 2023

I lost my voice yesterday.

And while it was fun “retracing my steps” and “looking all over the school” with some of my young students who were trying to help me “find” it—losing your voice isn’t fun business.

Especially not when your voice is such an integral part of your business. Which is why today, I’m thankful for it. It really is funny how you don’t think to appreciate a thing until it’s gone. I’m fairly confident this wouldn’t have made it to my 15 day list if this hadn’t happened.

None-the-less, here we are. And here I am, bracing myself for an upcoming series of Martial Arts graduation ceremonies, classes, and coaching sessions that require a functioning voice box (and a damn loud one at that). And a question I’ve been reflecting on that has guided me in many challenging situations before is, “What good can come from this?”

…And you know what’s funny about reflecting on that question? You tend to find good things buried inside even crappy situations. Because the reality is—I’m not getting it back today. No sense dwelling on that. But, letting my mind dwell in the realm of creative solutions can be helpful for sure.

And what I’m now seeing are excellent opportunities for team members and students to step up—not only to help me out, but to help themselves out by building skills inside higher pressure situations that they don’t normally get to step into.

So you know what I’m going to do today?

…Let those who are willing step into them.

Distractionary In Nature

Published on June 19, 2023

Over the past few months, I have been focused on reducing screen time—particularly as it pertains to using social media apps.

I have largely stopped posting, turned off essentially all notifications, and am being more mindful of the itches that arise to open and scroll.

This past Saturday, however, I had a moment where I decided to scratch that itch and check IG. Before I knew it, I was already 1 hour deep into a video binge of a Brazilian couple’s dancing page. Not joking. They were completely captivating and shared great content—but, it wasn’t how I wanted to spend an hour of my day.

This is the kind of thing that happens all of the time, with so many of us.

Hours and hours drained from our days watching content that’s captivating and well produced (this isn’t a shot at the content), but that’s distractionary in nature and veers us from our main path. My current path, for example, is to reallocate the time saved and put it towards IRL meetups, reading, meditation, deep work, and/or sleep.

How much better my Sunday might’ve felt, I wonder to myself, if I hadn’t stayed up that extra hour Saturday night scrolling through IG? And I wonder the same for you and how much better you might feel if you reallocated just 1 hour/ week of distractionary in nature media and put it towards something better?

Day 3 of #15DaysofGratitude: Thankful that I grew up in a time where screen time wasn’t a concern—having a no-screen-foundation helps me to navigate this modern, screen driven world in a way that those who only know the screen-filled life… can’t imagine.

Body Posture and Voice Tonality

Published on June 16, 2023

I frequently visit schools and speak to students about how martial arts can help in life.

And while one of my goals is to spark an interest in them that might lead to continued, long-term training, part of me knows that the one visit might be the only time I’ll ever get to speak with them. And so I challenge myself to give them something that’ll stick even after one, 30-minute session.

While this often changes depending on the group of students I’m working with and what I see—what I often find myself choosing for the focused takeaway is body posture and voice tonality.

I’ll tell them when they stand, walk, or sit—to do so with their back straight, chin up, and eyes straight ahead. When they speak, to look in the eyes and use a loud, clear voice.

Contrary to what most students think, what formulates our judgements of our peers has very little to do with specific word choice—it’s not about the jokes, knowledge, or witty remarks.

The sweeping majority has to do with body language and tone of voice. And one of the best ways I know to get people to demonstrably hold themselves in high(er) regard—which demonstrates belief in their own worth, potential, and right to be treated with dignity and respect—is by making these select few adjustments.

If you’re reading this and you tend to walk with your back hunched, eyes down, and speak with a soft and quiet voice… maybe you can practice making this select adjustment as well.

Make it a habit and you might be surprised at how different you feel in just a few days time.