Category: Identity

Black Belt Candidate #1:
– Showed up early to every practice, pre-test, and test
– Trained, rehearsed, and started drilling curriculum requirements early
– Got his/her curriculum approved to the highest standard
– Wrote an earnest black belt essay that reflected careful, deep thought
– Completed a service project that made a lasting and meaningful impact on both them and others
– Received a glowing letter of recommendation from an individual who could attest to character demonstrated over the course of years
– Courageously shaved their head/participated in a physical demonstration of humility
– Fasted before their test for the challenge and ritualistic cleanse of the body
– Gave their 100% best effort at each step of the testing process

Black Belt Candidate #2:
– Showed up late to every practice, pre-test, and test
– Waited until the last minute to train, rehearse, and start drilling curriculum requirements
– Got his/her curriculum approved according to the bare minimum standard
– Used AI to write their essay and added minimal thought and/or editing
– Did a last minute service project that they made sound better than it was
– Received a short, generic letter of recommendation
– Decided against participating in a physical demonstration of humility because of fear
– Didn’t want to feel hungry so didn’t fast for their test
– Did just enough to get by at each step of the testing process

…You may not be a martial artist. Heck, you might never even step into a martial arts school. But the contrast in decisions outlined above and what results apply universally. Candidate #1 and candidate #2 are going to feel completely different about their belt, the testing process, and themself… my question for you is: which candidate are you in your domain of life?

…Who would you ask to recount your true and most honest version of yourself?

Isn’t it interesting to think that each person you asked… would recount a different “true” and “most honest” version of you as seen through their eyes?

It’s worth sitting with this and asking yourself how the different people in your life would recount you to the amnesia you.

And then linger with that thought and decide if you’re happy with that… or if there are pieces of you missing that you would never get back because you’ve never given them out…

And decide if you want to do something about that…

…Or keep hiding what you might consider your most true and honest pieces?

Comparing apples to other apples is a fair comparison.

But people are not like apples. Comparing people to other people isn’t fair at all.

No two people are alike and as such, shouldn’t be looked at as apples to apples.

Yet, we people do this all of the time. We compare height, weight, ethnicity, face symmetry, hair color, eye color, bodily proportions, fitness level, education level, talent level, social media level, relationship status, highlight reels, bought brand names, number of friends, quality of life, and so… much… more…

The key, when it comes to inner work, is to release this compulsive tendency to compare yourself to others in an apples to apples kind of way. And to, instead, look at yourself as a one-of-one being who was made to be a completely unique expression of nature.

Peaches can be compared to peaches.

Marigolds can be compared to marigolds.

Oak trees can be compared to oak trees.

But you…?

…You can only be compared to who you were yesterday. And nobody on this earth else.

Figuring out who you are is like writing an essay.

Try to rush it and you’ll end up sounding like a copy-pasted version of somebody else.

Take your time and do the research… kneed your findings with your past experiences and current opinions… wrestle with words… iterate, iterate, iterate… hit publish and present yourself to the world…

And you’ll sound like the unique individual that you are.

Do this again and again and again… and you’ll sound more and more and more like who you were always meant to be.

Not because you weren’t when you rushed… but because you didn’t copy-paste.

…You did the hard work of uncovering something original.

What keeps us young isn’t our looks… it isn’t our physical fitness… it isn’t our knowledge of trends, fads, and what’s cool.

What keeps us young is flexibility. Yes, flexibility in body, but maybe even more so: our flexibility in mind.

Flexibility in mind allows us to adapt our definition of looks as we age; it allows us to redefine what physical fitness means as our bodies change; it allows us to move fluidly, unapologetically, confidently forward into new domains… ones that keep us thinking critically, curiously exploring, and growing in understanding.

Those who obsess over one very specific look, try to freeze their face, skin, and body on that look… and chronically live referencing a past that makes them more and more miserable the further away from that one look they drift.

Flexibility allows us to let go of specific definitions and live in the present. Which allows us to learn how to glow brightly as we are—without any taints of comparison lingering around.

Who we were then and who we are now are not two versions to be compared… but an iterative version that should be cherished and honored.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And if your eyes are tainted with a certain definition of beauty… how are other people’s eyes supposed to see the present version of you? Because believe it or not, our eyes create a filter that all other eyes must pass through. And if that filter is one of self-consciousness, disgust, and doubt… then that’s what they’ll see.

But if it’s one of self-confidence, acceptance, and grace… then how could others not see you in a similar, youthful light?

Yes, small changes done over an extended period of time add up to big change.

But, more importantly, small promises made and kept to ourself—which is what small changes done over an extended period of time is—adds up to big self-trust change.

Added up enough and suddenly our word isn’t as flimsy as sand… it’s solid as rock.

We do what we say we’re going to do because we’ve made THAT the habit. More powerful than any giant, one-off change we try to make that’s followed by countless promises made and broken.