Category: Identity

If I suddenly forgot everything about my life and was told to piece back together who I was… a good place to look for clues might be the things in my house, what shows up on my social media feeds, and my camera roll.

What you’d find in my house are vegan food items, books galore, exercise equipment, DJ decks, unique wall decor, and more…

What you’d find in my social media feeds are martial arts clips, DJ sets, creator strategies, basketball drills, inspirational speeches, and more…

What you’d find in my camera roll are pictures of my family/friends/students, travel shots, music show videos and dancing clips, recorded stories and ideas I wanted to share, and maybe a few selfies or moments of me in noteworthy moments or while I was in my element.

The thing about camera rolls, social media feeds, and collected items is it communicates priority or attention.

And what we pay attention to tells us volumes about who we are.

Take a closer look at what the above communicates about you in your life. Do you like the picture it paints? Or are you paying attention to things that are in conflict with who you are or who you want to be?

And finally, pay attention to the things you pay attention to in your life. There’s still so much you have yet to discover about yourself and what captures your attention is a clue that there’s something deeper worth exploring.

If I comment on something 100% of you knows isn’t true… it won’t affect you.

“Your green skin is ugly.”

“Your shoulders are stupid.”

“Your grass is lame.”

If I comment on something you haven’t fully worked through… it may trigger you.

“You’re ugly.”

“You’re stupid.”

“You’re lame.”

Inner work allows you to explore thoughts like these and build a foundation of truth around what’s actually true.

“Am I ugly? Or are those person’s comments ugly?”

“Am I stupid? Or is there a depth to me that this person will simply never get to meet?”

“Am I lame? Or am I in alignment with my circadian rhythm, aware of my needs/desires, and have boundaries that I’m not afraid to enforce?”

Remember that getting triggered is an invitation.

It’s possible that some part of you still believes in what was said.

Or maybe it’s something else?

Black Belt Candidate #1:
– Showed up early to every practice, pre-test, and test
– Trained, rehearsed, and started drilling curriculum requirements early
– Got his/her curriculum approved to the highest standard
– Wrote an earnest black belt essay that reflected careful, deep thought
– Completed a service project that made a lasting and meaningful impact on both them and others
– Received a glowing letter of recommendation from an individual who could attest to character demonstrated over the course of years
– Courageously shaved their head/participated in a physical demonstration of humility
– Fasted before their test for the challenge and ritualistic cleanse of the body
– Gave their 100% best effort at each step of the testing process

Black Belt Candidate #2:
– Showed up late to every practice, pre-test, and test
– Waited until the last minute to train, rehearse, and start drilling curriculum requirements
– Got his/her curriculum approved according to the bare minimum standard
– Used AI to write their essay and added minimal thought and/or editing
– Did a last minute service project that they made sound better than it was
– Received a short, generic letter of recommendation
– Decided against participating in a physical demonstration of humility because of fear
– Didn’t want to feel hungry so didn’t fast for their test
– Did just enough to get by at each step of the testing process

…You may not be a martial artist. Heck, you might never even step into a martial arts school. But the contrast in decisions outlined above and what results apply universally. Candidate #1 and candidate #2 are going to feel completely different about their belt, the testing process, and themself… my question for you is: which candidate are you in your domain of life?

…Who would you ask to recount your true and most honest version of yourself?

Isn’t it interesting to think that each person you asked… would recount a different “true” and “most honest” version of you as seen through their eyes?

It’s worth sitting with this and asking yourself how the different people in your life would recount you to the amnesia you.

And then linger with that thought and decide if you’re happy with that… or if there are pieces of you missing that you would never get back because you’ve never given them out…

And decide if you want to do something about that…

…Or keep hiding what you might consider your most true and honest pieces?

Comparing apples to other apples is a fair comparison.

But people are not like apples. Comparing people to other people isn’t fair at all.

No two people are alike and as such, shouldn’t be looked at as apples to apples.

Yet, we people do this all of the time. We compare height, weight, ethnicity, face symmetry, hair color, eye color, bodily proportions, fitness level, education level, talent level, social media level, relationship status, highlight reels, bought brand names, number of friends, quality of life, and so… much… more…

The key, when it comes to inner work, is to release this compulsive tendency to compare yourself to others in an apples to apples kind of way. And to, instead, look at yourself as a one-of-one being who was made to be a completely unique expression of nature.

Peaches can be compared to peaches.

Marigolds can be compared to marigolds.

Oak trees can be compared to oak trees.

But you…?

…You can only be compared to who you were yesterday. And nobody on this earth else.

Figuring out who you are is like writing an essay.

Try to rush it and you’ll end up sounding like a copy-pasted version of somebody else.

Take your time and do the research… kneed your findings with your past experiences and current opinions… wrestle with words… iterate, iterate, iterate… hit publish and present yourself to the world…

And you’ll sound like the unique individual that you are.

Do this again and again and again… and you’ll sound more and more and more like who you were always meant to be.

Not because you weren’t when you rushed… but because you didn’t copy-paste.

…You did the hard work of uncovering something original.