Category: Identity

Figuring out who you are is like writing an essay.

Try to rush it and you’ll end up sounding like a copy-pasted version of somebody else.

Take your time and do the research… kneed your findings with your past experiences and current opinions… wrestle with words… iterate, iterate, iterate… hit publish and present yourself to the world…

And you’ll sound like the unique individual that you are.

Do this again and again and again… and you’ll sound more and more and more like who you were always meant to be.

Not because you weren’t when you rushed… but because you didn’t copy-paste.

…You did the hard work of uncovering something original.

What keeps us young isn’t our looks… it isn’t our physical fitness… it isn’t our knowledge of trends, fads, and what’s cool.

What keeps us young is flexibility. Yes, flexibility in body, but maybe even more so: our flexibility in mind.

Flexibility in mind allows us to adapt our definition of looks as we age; it allows us to redefine what physical fitness means as our bodies change; it allows us to move fluidly, unapologetically, confidently forward into new domains… ones that keep us thinking critically, curiously exploring, and growing in understanding.

Those who obsess over one very specific look, try to freeze their face, skin, and body on that look… and chronically live referencing a past that makes them more and more miserable the further away from that one look they drift.

Flexibility allows us to let go of specific definitions and live in the present. Which allows us to learn how to glow brightly as we are—without any taints of comparison lingering around.

Who we were then and who we are now are not two versions to be compared… but an iterative version that should be cherished and honored.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And if your eyes are tainted with a certain definition of beauty… how are other people’s eyes supposed to see the present version of you? Because believe it or not, our eyes create a filter that all other eyes must pass through. And if that filter is one of self-consciousness, disgust, and doubt… then that’s what they’ll see.

But if it’s one of self-confidence, acceptance, and grace… then how could others not see you in a similar, youthful light?

Yes, small changes done over an extended period of time add up to big change.

But, more importantly, small promises made and kept to ourself—which is what small changes done over an extended period of time is—adds up to big self-trust change.

Added up enough and suddenly our word isn’t as flimsy as sand… it’s solid as rock.

We do what we say we’re going to do because we’ve made THAT the habit. More powerful than any giant, one-off change we try to make that’s followed by countless promises made and broken.

History was a subject I struggled with in school.

Dates, names, countries… I had such a hard time remembering specifics.

A curiosity has come alive, however, as of late while reading historical fiction that’s changing this internal narrative.

It started with a fascination of Miyamoto Musashi and the historical context that surrounded him during feudal Japan.

And has grown considerably within the past few weeks as I began to read All The Light We Cannot See after having recently finished The Book Thief.

Typically, reading was something I did to understand overarching story lines, general plot, and to absorb key insights. Dates, names, countries… I mostly just skimmed and paid little attention to.

Now I find myself curiously doing deep dives into dates and what was happening in countries at that time and what it might mean for the character context.

And let me tell you… this is an excellent use of AI.

I use Claude and it’s like having a brilliant little history professor at my bedside ready to answer my ignorance with crucial digestible context.

Some questions I’ve recently asked: “What was happening in the world, specifically around France, around August 1944…” and “Can you give me an overview of d-day?” and “What does congenital cataracts… bilateral… mean?” and “The story went back in time. Can you tell me what was happening in Germany in 1936 roughly?” and “What was so humiliating for Germany at the end of ww1?”

I share this for two reasons: (1) “I’m not good at history” is a made up story—one that can be rewritten at any time; (2) Using AI as a comprehension companion is a highly underrated life hack.

We have our family mask, our work mask, our friend mask…

And in most cases each of those masks have several variations based on which family members or work associates or friend groups we’re around.

These masks that get created, however, the ones that we wear, aren’t always fitting to who we want to be or how we ideally want to present.

We let people manipulate our masks… we let criticism and influence steer us away from our own tastes… we sometimes wear a mask for so long that we forget that it’s outdated or that we’ve outgrown it or, worse yet, what it even looks like…!

But once you realize that it’s acting and masks… the beautiful thing is… you can reclaim your power as an actor.

You can choose in this moment that you want to adjust your mask, shed a layer that’s no longer relevant, or add a component that your highest self would have.

Take a few moments today to “lay” your masks down and take a closer look.

Are they each aligned with who you most want to be?

Are there little tweaks that need to be done that you can take care of today?

The ones who wear only one mask are limited.

Be free. Expand your closet. Be anything and everything you want to be when the time calls for it.

Make taking masks off and putting new ones on seamless… smooth… invigorating…

Limiting your spirit to just one is a situation that makes none of our spirits feel free.

You were born unique—you know this.

The world, however, is going to fight to make you interchangeable—it’s better for business.

What’s better for your business is fighting for your uniqueness.

Which, worth mentioning, is usually everything you feel like saying and doing but hesitate on because it’s not what everybody else is doing.

…In this sense of the word: start to perceive hesitation differently.

Use it as a signal to lean in versus back out.

Hesitation to do something that is so completely you is something that deserves that same pause… that same deep breath… that same “dancing-with-the-nerves” mentality that fear elicits right before you step into big, outside-the-comfort-zone moments.

…Because that’s exactly what being unapologetically yourself sometimes feels like!

And just like those moments before you have to give a public presentation, or perform in a “game-on-the-line” situation, or ask out that cute person who gives you butterflies… and you calm yourself down enough to lean in with your most physiologically ready self…

…So, too, should we learn to do that when hesitating on self-expression.

Doing the same as everybody else might feel like the safe bet, but in many ways it’s one of the greatest risks.

Same look, same skills, same résumé isn’t safe in today’s world… it’s easily interchangeable. And more importantly, sacrificing chances to realize more truly who you are is an opportunity you don’t always get back—there’s no second life for do-overs.

So wear those weird clothes. Mix together unconventionally mixed concepts. Write about super niche topics that you feel inexplicably drawn to.

…These may prove to be some of the most important path-changing, energy-recalibrating, tribe-attracting moments of your life.

Can you teach a zebra to be a lion?

…Probably not anymore than you can teach a lion to be a zebra.

One thing is for sure though, we humans aren’t born lions or zebras.

We’re born as mostly blank slated creatures filled to brim with potential.

And sure, some of us might be born with more zebra tendencies and others with more lion characteristics.

But, we aren’t born lions or zebras.

The thing about potential is that it’s malleable. It can be worked, cultivated, and changed. We get to choose what kind of existence we want to lead.

If we tell ourselves we’re zebras—so shall it be. But, we can also train ourselves to be a lion and slowly our roar will come to be. If we’re not aware of our potential and how malleable it can actually be…

We’ll end up just becoming the creature society tells us to be…

And we might live an existence that feels out of place… not quite right… lackluster or uneventful… mismatched or frustrating… lonely and like our herd is forever missing…

…And what a tragedy that would be.