Category: Calming The Mind

Think about what happens when your nervous system tenses…

• Vision narrows; loss of peripheral vision; hyperfixation on tension/fear.
• Speaking becomes forced; choppy; we ramble and overuse filler words.
• Body language closes off; we look unapproachable; we repel people away.
• Thinking gets mudded; invasive thoughts distract focus; anxiety is created from fear.
• Coordination short circuits; normal muscular patterns feel heavy/weird; we become clumsy/awkward.

…Maybe not all at one. But for many of us… it’s many of the above things.

When you learn how to relax your nervous system, however… think about what happens…

• Vision expands; we regain peripheral vision; we notice opportunities.
• Speaking slows; becomes more clear; presents more confidently.
• Body language opens; people feel more comfortable approaching and opening up to us.
• Thinking clears; keeping a train of thought is easier; creativity arises.
• Coordination smoothens out; muscular patters feel light and crisp; we feel grounded.

…Again, maybe not all at one. But for many of us… it’s many of the above things.

Think about the difference in how the former type of person approaches life versus the latter… how they might respond to life situations… how they might handle challenges…

Think about the way the two types might interact with people… how people might interact with them… what kinds of opportunities might come up… or not…

And finally, think about some of your favorite life moments… which type of energy were you trying to embody in those moments… and what type of energy preceded them…

I think you’ll find it to be true for yourself: “Your life expands when your nervous system relaxes.”

Just remember this as you approach all of the upcoming, unavoidable “scary/fearful” moments of your days.

The other day, a mom came into the martial arts school I teach at and asked if she could speak with me.

I told her, “Absolutely” and after a few minutes of welcoming new clients in, saying goodbye to those leaving, answering quick questions from both on their way, handling a few transactions, and solving a few problems—I signaled her in the lobby and walked her into an office.

When we sat down, she smiled and told me that she came in with a hot head and was ready to yell at whoever she could corner in an office. She explained that there was a car parked illegally in the lot that was causing chaos during one of the school’s peak class transition times—which was frustrating not just in itself, but because it wasn’t the first time.

…But, she continued by saying, after watching how calmly I managed the chaotic busyness in those few minutes inside the school—her anger was gone. She told me that it gave her perspective on the circumstance and reminded her that while it was frustrating, it didn’t have to create frustration and anger inside her—her daughter made it safely to class, the illegally parked car was moved, and everybody continued on with their day safely.

It was such a refreshing conversation and just an excellent reminder to not only maintain perspective, but to always deploy calm as a strategy for problem solving. The opposite almost always only becomes another compounded problem that needs solving.

When I meditate, I tend to remember or think of things I don’t want to forget.

…It’s one of the beautiful things about meditation—it settles the mind and gives you a chance to fully process and bring to light the things that have been buried under the mudded-ness.

But, trying to remember things during meditation is counterproductive to the meditation—the point being to let go… not hold on.

And so when this happens, I write down a word or two that’ll trigger the thought/memory later—using old fashioned pen and paper—and get back to the letting go.

It’s important to use a non-stimulating medium when transferring these thoughts from your mind so as to not trigger any new, mind-mudding thoughts.

Opening your phone, seeing new notifications, reading messages, taking a peek at the pings—all while trying to record a thought on the Notes App not only flings you back to square one… but might even catapult you back further than you were—from a mind-mudding perspective—when you started.

Keep it simple.

Cushion. Butt in cushion. Pen and paper close by. Phone on silent and face down. Eyes closed.

Then, simply breathe… notice your thoughts… let them go… write down what you want to hold onto… get back to the letting go… and repeat for as long as your schedule allows.

I promise… doing this inside your day will make most any day—better.

Time spent thinking… about what to write… about how to say something… about how you feel… about what’s right and what’s wrong… about what’s even just going on in your mind…

…Even if it amounts to nothing tangible or ends with no evidential outcomes or progress—

—Is never time wasted.

The mind is unavoidably mudded by default in our modern world.

…And each stone not thrown into the pond—for whatever duration of time it can be sustained—is an inaction that leads precisely to what a mudded-by-default kind of world needs more than anything else:

…Clarity.

Never underestimate the power (or benefit) of sitting and doing boring thinking.

I really wanted to send an angry text.

I was angry. But, it was also almost 11pm.

And if there’s anything I’ve learned from sending angry texts, it’s that sending them when you’re at peak anger is rarely a good idea.

Do it at or around 11pm and you might as well set up studio speakers on either side of your pillows and blast screamo music all night because that’s what your mind will be doing all night after you hit “send” anyway.

It’s best to send angry texts when you’re calm.

…When the noise of the loudest emotions have been given time to settle and quiet. When the clarity of your thoughts have been given time to emerge. When the tone of your voice has gone from screamo to “I’m just disappointed because…”

Not to mention the fact that right before bed is the point at which you’re the lowest on energy than at any other point throughout the day and angry conversations likely require more energy than any other conversation you’ve had up until that point.

Better might be to just leave it alone for the night.

…To grab a book and get lost in the life of another.

…To read until your eyes unwillingly shut, to get as good of a sleep as you’re able, and to revisit the situation in the morning when you’re seeing things afresh and have renewed energy to engage in complicated matters like anger.

Heck… what you might even realize is that the text isn’t worth sending at all because your inner peace is better than most of the replies you could ever hope to get from an angry text anyway.

Sometimes the best way to go into a long day… is completely relaxed and accepting.

What makes a long day long is the relentless desire for it to be finished.

The next time you have a long day ahead… try to shift your perspective.

Instead of meeting it with dread, anxiety, and stress… try calming your nervous system and surrendering to the path ahead as it has laid itself out for you.

Meet each moment with a relaxed, calm, clear energy that’ll carry you smoothly forward to the next.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll discover that your long days suddenly don’t feel so long anymore.

Landscaping this weekend made me appreciate, once again, the impact physical environment can have on our mental headspace.

There are things I would see daily that, in retrospect, would cause me daily irritation. Things like overgrown weeds, sunken landscaping bricks, and grass creeping onto concrete. It wasn’t an irritation I would really notice consciously though—this was the retrospective realization—it was something that kind of irritated me in the background of my mind as I continued with other thoughts.

…And I think the same thing happens in reverse when these things are cleaned up and have a nice aesthetic. It’s almost as though I can feel a background sigh of relief that calms me as I soak it all in while I continue with other thoughts. I’m sure this is why meditation centers, spiritual facilities, and religious organizations place such a high emphasis on the physical environment aesthetics…

It’s a subconscious means of communication that lets you breathe a sigh of relief as you process your conscious thoughts.

…And until we visit those types of places, maybe we can take our own physical environments a little more seriously, eh?