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Tag: Burning Man

Earning The Imperfect Side

One of the most remarkable questions I was asked this year at Burning Man was: What does it take for a person to earn your vulnerability?

Which is a timely question as there’s a great lack in vulnerability sharing which is what’s causing a great lack in connection creating—aka modern day loneliness.

Our vulnerabilities are the sides of ourselves that are soft, silly, quirky, scared, hurt, and otherwise perceived as imperfect. Whereas what we share digitally—which is where most of us share in the modern world—is the opposite of that. It’s our highlight reel that features us in our most “perfect” form.

The problem this causes, of course, is that it’s through the sharing of our vulnerabilities that we’re able to genuinely connect with others. Two perfect highlight reel people only have superficial understandings of one another. It’s the people who share the “behind-the-scenes,” “blooper reels,” and “off camera/ no audience/ completely un-self-conscious” sides of themselves who get to connect on deeper levels.

And so to return to the question… What does it take for a person to earn your imperfect side? …The side that could be hurt, made fun of, or laughed at? The side you hide from internet trolls, bullies, and a-holes?

…Trust.

It is and always will be, for me at least, trust.

Which is earned in small sums with each made and kept promise; and is lost in huge withdrawals with each made and promise broken. Once the small sum deposits cross a certain threshold, you gain access to my vulnerable side. And if they don’t or never do—you don’t.

Your turn: What does it take for somebody to earn your vulnerability?

Mind Party

One of the most interesting classes I took while at Burning Man was a meditation and beats class.

A young, shaggy haired fellow, wearing loose, oversized clothing sat at the front of the group—maybe 30 of us, all lined up in a Tetris format with some sitting in lotus, some upright in chairs, and some laying down diagonally with hands folded across their chest—and guided us through a meditation with a banana mic.

Yes, a mic that was dressed as a banana.

…When at Burning Man, eh?

For the first 30 minutes, he got us to relax into our bodies, had us do body scans, guided us through breathing exercises, helped us quiet our minds, and spoke about recognizing moments of mindfulness as celebrations.

…It was that last point that I found most interesting.

A moment of mindfulness, he explained, were those particular moments when you noticed your mind has wandered and you came back to the present moment.

This is the moment when many of us, myself included, would normally get most frustrated. Because it’s the moment when you realized you failed to stay present.

But, reframing those moments as celebrations and not frustrations made perfect sense.

Why frustrate over a moment successfully reclaimed? …It should absolutely be seen as a victory! In fact, it’s the very thing that we’d want to reinforce if we want to facilitate more of the same.

…And just as I was making this connection and beginning to practice—our shaggy haired leader suddenly started playing psychedelic music and for the next 30 minutes, it was like a party in my mind.

Paper, A Little Ink, and Some Nice Words

One muddy morning at Burning Man, the day after the rain concluded and while many of our camp’s campmates were hanging out after having mostly sheltered in place, one campmate started clapping, cheering, and complimenting people who walked by.

“Looking great in that fur coat and top hat!”

“Rocking that outfit today—love the boots!”

“Amazing color combinations—woop woop!”

…Were the types of things I heard in the background as I engaged in conversation with others.

Not long thereafter, I got a piece of watercolor paper passed to me with a “10” written on it.

And not long after that, everybody had a piece of watercolor paper with a “10” written on it.

And just a few minutes after that, our camp would announce (over megaphone) each person who would walk by and each of our campmates would “score” them based on their outfits or demeanor or bike peddling strategy or whatever… and “10’s” would flash before their eyes and everybody would cheer and shout.

…Our camp must’ve “scored” over 100 people that morning.

And you should’ve seen how each person reacted with nothing short of pure joy and delight.

…And from what? Paper, a little ink, and some nice words?

This is one of my favorite lessons (and memories) from Burning Man: Don’t overestimate what it takes to make a difference in this oftentimes dark, cold, and mucky world. Doing good often requires far less than you think.

P.s. I kept my “10” and have it posted on the mirror in my bedroom—to remind me that “10s” are subjective and I can choose to be a “10” every day.

Massaging Feet

The day before the ultramarathon last week, I got a foot massage.

…One of the theme camps at Burning Man was offering and I certainly wasn’t denying!

This is how I met Christina—the reflexologist.

She didn’t just massage my feet, she took me on a whole inner work adventure.

She asked me about my upbringing, inquired into my current life role, made observations about my character, dug into the perceptions I shared, and challenged me to answer interesting questions—all while radiating warmth and presence.

Now, although inner work is my jam—I didn’t ask for this or take the lead in any way. The massage for the sake of massage was all I was expecting.

She was the one who turned it into a whole experience and facilitated the creation of a bridge that allowed us to connect in a deep and completely unexpected way.

…When many people think of foot massage, I think they think of it as low end work—especially when you consider the fact that she was doing it in the desert where there’s an absence of showers and toiletries—but, the work she did in that desert was far from low end work. It was some of the best foot work I had ever had.

And what’s most impressive to me as I sit here and reflect… is that it was completely obvious to me within the first three minutes of meeting her that she didn’t just massage feet… that she was doing something far greater.

…Meeting Christina was a beautiful reminder that it’s not the work that defines the person; it’s the person that defines the work.

A More Compelling Reality

My average screen time per day while at Burning Man was 22 minutes—which came exclusively from capturing memories and recording notes.

I don’t know about you, but whenever my average screen time is down… I notice in myself, upon reflection, that my average happiness felt like it was up.

Because what it represents in my mind is a reality that outweighed the pull for any distraction.

…Why distract yourself from a reality you’re completely captivated by / content in?

…Which, of course, is easy when the reality you’re immersed in is Burning Man.

But, the takeaway—the idea that I’m reflecting on from this insight from my phone—is how can I create a more compelling reality that makes me want to use my phone less? …Or makes me forget about my phone altogehter?

…This is a question I think we all could spent some time reflecting carefully on and doing something swiftly about.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.