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Matt Hogan's Blog Posts

Take Control or Get Controlled

Published on November 11, 2024

In reply to my post yesterday, one reader quoted the following line:

“Surround yourself with people who feel like a dark cloud or barren desert and you’ll struggle accordingly. Surround yourself with people who act like sun and water and you’ll grow just fine.”

…And said, “…I wish we could hear this on mainstream media.”

To which I replied, “Agreed. Mainstream media is feeling more and more like dark clouds and barren desert by the day. Guess we’ll have to make our own sun and water and surround ourselves with people who think and do the same.”

…Because here’s what’s crucial to understand: the less we try to take control over the amount of sun and water that touches our life, the more we’ll get controlled by the dark clouds and barren deserts.

…Because dark clouds and barren deserts don’t wait patiently for their turn or passively idle in the background of our life… they’re aggressive seekers of power/attention/control and will only continue to succeed in obtaining exactly that the more people (hopefully not us) decide to go with the modern flow and relent.

P.s. I finished uploading quotes from Waking Up by Sam Harris. You can read my 19 favorites here.

Playing Bad (But With The Right People)

Published on November 10, 2024

One of the dads I play basketball with brought his son—maybe 14 years old—to play with us today.

Basketball isn’t this kid’s first choice sport and it was pretty evident that it wasn’t something he practiced very often—it was something he was doing for the fun, the workout, and the connection… very much like myself.

What was cool to see, however, was how inviting and supportive the rest of the crew was with him. It didn’t matter if he rushed a play, shot an airball, or mis-dribbled and got it stolen… everybody was deliberately trying to keep his spirits up and was praising him for taking opportunities when he did.

Like a budding plant… those initial interactions in this new world for him are crucial.

They’re the difference between playing again and quitting; wanting to practice and wanting to avoid; speaking constructively to himself and self-sabotaging.

Surround yourself with people who feel like a dark cloud or barren desert and you’ll struggle accordingly.

Surround yourself with people who act like sun and water and you’ll grow just fine.

P.s. ICYMI you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Does Family Come First?

Published on November 10, 2024

…Is it true that, as the expression goes, family [should be prioritized] over everything?

No—if you’re talking about prioritizing family over yourself. Yes—if you’re talking about what priority comes first after you. You wouldn’t be doing anybody a service by ignoring your own needs, trying to service others from a state of misery, and—as the proverbial expression goes—fill family members’ cups from your empty one. There’s a bit of a caveat when considering high-need dependents. And even then, the priority of the dependents and the needs of the self should be intricately intertwined and considered with equal priority… looked at as almost one unit instead of two.

No—if your definition of family is limited to blood relatives. Yes—if your definition of family is inclusive of those who have proven to be the most important to you in your life. Proven is the key word. Being a blood relative who can’t be trusted… who has a history of manipulation or abuse… who takes advantage or always seems to have an agenda… shouldn’t be prioritized over someone who has proven themselves—over an extended period of time—to be the exact opposite of that. Family should be defined beyond blood.

Two fundamental keys to feeling fulfilled in life are growth and contribution. Point #1 above speaks to growth. Point #2 speaks to who you should contribute to first and foremostly. Do these two things really well and the rest—everything else—I’d say will fall into place.

Inner Work Prompt: I was asked, “Who is a person you met only once that had an impact on your life?” I answered: The Almonds Guy. What about you?

Paving The Way Towards Memories

Published on November 9, 2024

An associate of mine pointed out that what we were doing today—by preparing our martial arts students for tournaments and demos—was paving the way for them towards what will hopefully become some of their most fond memories in life.

When we—at least for this associate and I—think back to our days of doing tournaments and martial arts demonstrations, we get all giddy inside and start to fan-boy over some of our favorite big moments.

…Moments we didn’t even realize would become some of our most fond that other instructors paved for us.

…And what a privilege to be able to lead others towards something that may very well end up being the same for them and their lives.

Inner Work Prompt: What are some of the most fond memories of your life? How can you pave the way for an experience like that for others?

“How Can I Be More Self-Disciplined?”

Published on November 7, 2024

A student of mine—maybe 14 years old—asked me for advice yesterday.

She said, “I need your help. I have absolutely no motivation to do my math homework. Like, zero. I know I need to get it done, but I just can’t get myself to start.”

…Oh how relatable that sentiment is.

What she was essentially asking me was, “How can I be more self-disciplined?”

And isn’t that the million dollar question…

And while I’ve written an entire guide on this, the in-person one minute response was something along the lines of: “Listen. I’ll spare you the obvious reasons that I’m sure you’ve already cycled through your head such as increased knowledge, good grades, college applications, etc. And what I’ve learned from decades of doing things I know I needed to do, even when I *really* didn’t want to do them is that if the innate reasons for doing a task don’t motivate me, I should focus on the long term benefits that come from it—from flexing my discipline muscle—instead. Because no muscle could be more important for long-term success than that one. For what even is success but a lagging indicator of what we did yesterday? And the day before that? And before that one? So instead of focusing on stupid math… focus on this being an opportunity to strengthen some of the most important mental muscles of your life.”

…And off she went to do her math homework.

Inner Work Prompt: How would you have answered her question?

Life Without Being

Published on November 6, 2024

Most of us are well conditioned for doing.

Doing is completely aligned with our fast paced, modern world.

So much so that it’s as though our proverbial to-do lists only seem to grow regardless of how many tasks we mark as done.

…And so off to do more we go.

But, what so many of us forget is that just because doing might be aligned with our fast paced, modern world—it doesn’t mean it’s aligned with our rich and complex inner world.

See, what our inner world needs is time to just… be.

It needs time to digest all that’s been done… time to process what you’ve exposed it to… time to reconnect to the present moment and soak in the experience that’s right in front of it minus all of the reoccurring, ceaseless thoughts of what’s been done (past) and what still needs to be done (future).

Being is what’s completely aligned with our inner worlds.

But, of course, things still need to get done.

Just don’t get all disproportional with it and perpetually shove “being” to the bottom of your infinite-scroll to do list.

…Because life without being isn’t a life done at all.

Turning Envy On Its Head

Published on November 5, 2024

It’s easier than ever to feel envy in our hyper-comparison, media based world.

And it’s precisely this unchecked feeling of intensely wanting what others have to the point of it harboring resentment and anger that leads to so much of our modern day suffering.

Furthermore, because of the nature of algorithms, access to people’s lives, and our instinctual desire to ceaselessly compare—we get trapped in these downward spiraling feedback loops that go from seeing, to wanting, to envying, to resenting, and back to seeing in no time at all—perpetuating the cycle over and over again—possibly hundreds of times in a day…!

It’s no wonder people’s mental health is in such peril. For what is anger, resentment, and even hate, but a poison to our system? And what are we doing but creating it inside of ourselves via what we’re choosing to consume?

…If we want to change this, here are two thoughts:

1) Stop drinking poison. If it’s creating intense feelings of envy… work to remove that influence from your experience. Unfollow, mute, and block work great online. It can be a little tricker in real life, but it’s certainly possible with some courage and creative problem solving.

2) Learn to better process the poison. Like what the liver does with alcohol, develop the ability to “metabolize” envy as it arises. This might include remembering: (1) Other people’s lives are theirs and 100% out of your control and (2) You have the ability to grow and improve.

Because once you can learn to metabolize envy into rocket fuel for growth…

…You tell me how that won’t turn that downward spiring feedback loop right on its head.