Category: Making A Difference

Two ways to make change: (1) The Tree Method and (2) The Flowers Method.

The tree method is singularly focused. It demands most of your time, energy, and attention. It’s here to grow and here to stay long-term.

The flowers method is diverse in focus. It’s being generous with your time, energy, and attention. It’s planted relatively quickly and lasts maybe a season or two.

The tree method is parenting. The flowers method is teaching.

The tree method is marrying. The flowers method is dating.

The tree method is career building. The flowers method is side-hustling/ flipping.

And so on.

Nether is better than the other. It’ll always be a matter of perspective. But it’s useful to understand which you’re doing so you don’t try to grow a flower into a tree and don’t try to grow trees in your garden.

If you have kids, raise them into the strongest damn trees you can and focus less on the flowers.

If you’re married, invest more into the relationship than the total of what you invest outside of it.

If you’re employed, become a tree the organization can depend on instead of an unsure / hesitant plant.

And on the flip side, if you don’t have kids, give the energy you would normally invest into a family, into all of the flowers in your life.

If you’re not married, spread love to all of those who need it… be like the sun… unconditionally warm and bright.

If you’re not employed, explore! Build, create, experiment, and make sure you’re planting plenty of seeds of opportunity along the way.

…At least until one of the seeds turns out to be a tree instead.

I’m currently half-way through All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr.

It’s a literary fiction about a blind French girl and a German boy whose paths collide in occupied France as both try to survive the devastation of World War II.

The chapters are short—between 2-4(ish) pages each and the author alternates between the two perspectives per chapter. This way, the reader gets to live and experience each life for him/herself.

We get to experience the horror of living during a time of invasion, occupation, and death—from both the side of the occupied and occupiers. And how each gets into the positions they do… what they’re lead to believe… and how morals and values gray during nefarious times.

…And I say “get to” with intention.

Because it’s a privilege to be able to step into the life of another and experience the brutal harshness of their experience from the warmth and comfort of our couch or bed.

And it is through this privileged opportunity that we are able to develop one of our most powerful tools for combating the nefarious forces of any time: empathy.

See sympathy is widespread and mostly useless… it’s feeling bad for others and returning to the good of life.

Empathy, however, is understanding and doing… it’s having lived the bad (actually or fictionally), imagining what you wished others would do, and becoming that person for them.

And when I look on Goodreads and see 1,989,000 ratings… I feel hope. Hope that there are empathetic people out there. People who know what it’s like and what’s worth their fight.

Because fight is what we need more of our empaths to do.

While dropping off flyers at houses for the door-to-door food drive, one house had a box of snacks on the porch with a sign that read, “Please, help yourself :)”

This came in stark contrast to just about every other house that had “Beware of Dog” posters, “You’re Being Recorded” warnings, “No Soliciting” notices, “Protected by Whatever Security System” signs, bolt locked storm doors, barking dogs, extra fences, etc.

It was a brief window into the life of a mail/delivery person and how cold and hostile it can feel going onto people’s property… not that there’s anything wrong with anything listed above… but what a nice gesture at one of the busiest, most stressful times of the year for their line of work.

One of the best things you can do for a business (outside of giving them your business) is leave them a positive review.

This is one of the—if not the—top criteria people who have never been to the business use to determine whether or not to come.

Only a small percentage of people will actually leave a review… but everybody, at the least, subconsciously reviews everything all the time.

And each of those reviews adds up to what society might say is the businesses success at doing business.

Think about how this might relate to you.

While we aren’t getting physically reviewed, per se, we’re always getting, at the very least, subconsciously reviewed.

And each of those reviews adds up to what society might say is the person’s ability to contribute.

And not just from a value add perspective (like running a business that adds more societal value than what it charges)—I mean from a character perspective.

Are you averaging a high score from all of the positive interactions you’re having with all of those whom you cross paths with throughout your day? Or are you averaging a low one?

The goal with this exercise isn’t to get you thinking that every interaction should be transactional and with the goal of eliciting a great review.

The goal should be to get you thinking about how you treat those who can’t do anything for you… the overwhelming number of people you cross paths with on a daily basis whom you don’t even consciously notice… the people who trigger and irritate you, etc…

…What would you say your overall average review score is?

There are opportunities for good in everything we do.

• We could go for a walk. Or we could go for a walk with a trash bag and pick up street garbage along the way.
• We could post a selfie. Or we could comment thoughtful and kind things on other people’s selfies/posts.
• We could make dinner for ourselves. Or we could make a little extra for our neighbors.
• We could do our job and leave. Or we could do a little extra and help another employee out.
• We could have a party and spoil ourselves. Or we could have a party with a purpose and point resources/efforts towards a charity or cause.
• We could read a book. Or we could read a book and start a conversation, share our favorite insights/quotes throughout, or lend it to someone who you think would really benefit from reading it.

This isn’t to say you should always do things in this way.

…Sometimes, you just need to go for a damn walk or read the damn book.

But other times… what you might really be missing, that you might not even realize, is this simple addition of good in these tasks you’re already doing daily.

…The opportunity is already there. All it takes is a pinch of added intention.

If the martial artists who founded the styles I practice kept everything they learned to themselves… and the art died with them… even if they were incredibly successful as individuals… would this be a success?

If the experts who have innovated, built, and molded the world into what it eventually became… instead decided to innovate, build, and mold only their own property and personal world… and all of their knowledge, wisdom, and insight died with them… would this be a success?

If the greatest artists who have ever lived, across every domain, never shared their art, creations, or techniques with a broader audience… and instead only hung the fruits of their labor within the walls of their own homes… and it all died with them… would this be a success?

…My thought is that there’s no shame in living a private life. But it’s also hard to imagine success without contribution and/or a carried on legacy.

Most of the success metrics people chase in our modern world do nothing for succession—and only but tickle our egos. But, if we can change that and focus on real contribution… and on teaching people how to fish rather than just on how we can leave them bigger and bigger piles of fish after we’re gone… maybe our daily efforts won’t leave behind that sometimes questionable/ fishy smell.