Category: Being Disciplined

When I lift weights… time crawls.

When I train martial arts or play a sport… time flies.

Some people will tell you to only do the things that make time fly.

…After all, why suffer your way through exercise, for example, when you could be getting it in in a fun way?

And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with choosing the fun route… there is something to be said about learning how to discipline yourself to endure the type of temporary suffering that leads to lasting benefits/rewards, too.

Because once you can learn to do it for, again, weight lifting as an example… not only will you be hardening your body… but, you’ll be hardening your mind.

And a hardened mind isn’t only useful for lifting weights…

It’s one of the most useful tools for every single other endeavor you ever come across in life.

Having worked with kids for 20+ years as a Martial Arts Instructor and mentor, I’ve had my fair share of “They want to quit and I don’t want to force them to go…” conversations.

And at first glance, not wanting to force someone to do something sounds legit…

…Because the last thing we want is resentment and misery for all involved.

However, misery is rarely how students feel at the end of any class they attend.

In fact, students most often leave class feeling… great. They’re smiling, joyful, and proud because of that sense of accomplishment that comes from completing something hard.

…See what appears to be “unmotivated” on the surface is really just comfort zone talk deep down.

…It’s a desire to avoid work and do more play. To stay cozied up versus getting down and dirty with some exercise. To kick off the shoes and video game versus kicking some heavy bag’s butt.

And there’s no better example of this than what I see in myself.

…Do you know how many times I want to go to the gym? Zero.

…Do you know how often I try to find excuses not to go? Every time.

But, I still go.

…Why? Because I know the benefits. And I know that I’ve never regretted a workout completed.

And this is the difference we need to teach our kids.

Resistance before is natural and will always be present. And if there’s resentment after, then yes, maybe a deeper conversation is needed. But, if a better state is the typical byproduct? Then you know it’s not resentment that the kids will be building when you push them to go… it’s discipline.

I do this thing on weekends where I unintentionally stay up way later than usual.

It’s this weird self-sabotaging kind of behavior that’s fueled by this belief that going to bed early on the weekends is lame.

…And/or maybe it’s a reciprocal bounce in the opposite direction of my usual hyper-disciplined lifestyle.

…And/or maybe it’s because the weekends are when I allow myself some extra screen time and it always sucks me in longer than I originally plan.

None-the-less, no matter how exhausted I wake up the next morning or how many times I tell myself I’ll go to bed earlier the next weekend, I find myself zonked out on the couch at the same late times the following weekend.

What’s interesting is that either one, two, all, or none of the above mentioned reasons are at the root of this behavior.

And if I want to solve this challenge, I’ll need to identify the root first.

…Attacking the periphery is like trying to get rid of weeds by only cutting at what’s seen. And we both know that won’t do much to stop weeds from growing right back.

No.

What stops weeds from growing right back is attacking them at the root.

And oftentimes, like a well established weed, it isn’t always immediately obvious where the root is… but, once you’ve narrowed in on it… a focused tug or two is all it really takes to stop it’s continued existence altogether.

…Much better than cutting at what’s seen again and again and again.

P.s. ICYMI you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

When boiled down, living a life of “no excuses” is living a life of self-discipline. And living a life of self-discipline doesn’t have to be as hard as you might think (or have been led to believe).

When I think about modern media examples of living a life with no excuses, I hear Jocko Willink yelling in his Navy SEAL voice something along the lines of, “Pain is weakness leaving the body! Stop being weak, get up, and get after it!”

Or Eric Thomas screaming in a YouTube video, “Sleep? I don’t sleep – you thought that was it? It goes deeper than going without sleep because you might miss the opportunity to succeed. No, no, no—it’s about no days off. No weekends. No holidays. No birthdays. Listen to me: No Days Off! No half days, no holidays, no snow days.”

Or maybe more simply, Shia LaBeouf looking deep into my soul and shouting, “JUST DO ITTTTTTT.“

But these messages, while certainly not short in motivational kick, usually don’t last very long. Why? Because how we feel in any given moment doesn’t last very long. It’s simply an unavoidable reality that we are forever changing and constantly in flux beings.

Which is why when we talk about self-discipline what we need to be talking about are systems we can put into place, that meet us where we are, that help us move slightly forward from that place, that can be repeated day-in and day-out, regardless of mood or emotions, that are built for the long run.

Anything else is a temporary kick that’ll be gone just as fast as it was brought up.

P.s. More on how to *actually* do this here.

A student of mine—maybe 14 years old—asked me for advice yesterday.

She said, “I need your help. I have absolutely no motivation to do my math homework. Like, zero. I know I need to get it done, but I just can’t get myself to start.”

…Oh how relatable that sentiment is.

What she was essentially asking me was, “How can I be more self-disciplined?”

And isn’t that the million dollar question…

And while I’ve written an entire guide on this, the in-person one minute response was something along the lines of: “Listen. I’ll spare you the obvious reasons that I’m sure you’ve already cycled through your head such as increased knowledge, good grades, college applications, etc. And what I’ve learned from decades of doing things I know I needed to do, even when I *really* didn’t want to do them is that if the innate reasons for doing a task don’t motivate me, I should focus on the long term benefits that come from it—from flexing my discipline muscle—instead. Because no muscle could be more important for long-term success than that one. For what even is success but a lagging indicator of what we did yesterday? And the day before that? And before that one? So instead of focusing on stupid math… focus on this being an opportunity to strengthen some of the most important mental muscles of your life.”

…And off she went to do her math homework.

Inner Work Prompt: How would you have answered her question?