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Category: Living Well

Fantasizing About No Obligations

Published on November 23, 2024

In these moments, when I have a ton going when… when I feel like I want nothing more than a long break… when I fantasize about no obligations, no pressure situations, no producing results… when I feel like all I want to do is have wide open days, and weeks, and months to just read books, write words, and do whatever I feel like doing…

…I think about all of the people who are in the sunset phase of life who want nothing more than to revisit the busy days… who fantasize about the times when they had tons of obligations, were living some of their life’s limelight moments, and were producing not just results, but memories that make up the core of their life’s legacy…

And it’s in these thoughts that I try to bring myself back to the present moment. There will be a day when I wish I could come back to the very moments I’m thinking about being out of. And it’s here that I get to make the impression that my future self gets to think back on. And so no, today I won’t run from what’s in front of me… I’m going to embrace it. Fully and wholeheartedly. Not just for future me, but more importantly, for current me.

I hope you will, too.

There Is No Growth Without Death

Published on November 21, 2024

My sister made an important observation at brunch this morning.

She said, “I just really want to be happy and anything that doesn’t feel good at this phase of my life, I’m removing.”

And she went on to talk about how her loyalty to people and places of work—while easily considered a strength—has turned out to be, as of late, a burden. Because while being loyal to people and places creates trust and depth of connection, it can also become a source of stagnation and toxicity. And remaining loyal to stagnation and toxicity isn’t admirable at all—in fact, it’s being disloyal to the person we should always keep at #1: ourself.

While it can be hard to detach from people and places you’ve built longstanding connection and trust with, if it isn’t serving you anymore and is making you unhappy, closing that specific chapter can be one of the most generous things you can do for the spirit of the relationship. Because not only will it create a new, fresh space for you to contemplate and play with… but it’ll likely do the same for everybody involved.

…And it’s too often that each of us forget: there is no growth without some kind of correlated “death.” You can’t keep everything the same and grow. By definition, something has got to go.

The question is, what are you willing to sacrifice for the growth you desire so?

The Irrefutable, Inexchangeable Ingredient for Growth

Published on November 20, 2024

Once you understand how to improve flexibility, you understand what it takes to grow in most any area of life.

First of all, there’s no faking it. Your starting flexibility is your starting flexibility. You can lie to yourself all you want about being able to do a full split… spreading your legs apart as far as you can will tell its own irrefutable story. This is where all growth must start… with an honest inventory of where you’re actually at.

Second, there’s no cheating it. Yes, there are certain strategies and protocols that are more effective at improving overall flexibility than others… but they all involve two fundamental and unavoidable ingredients: tension and time. And generally speaking, a person’s gains are directly proportional to the amount of time they’re able to spend in tension. And what’s crucial to understand is that we’re not talking about amount of time in one session—we’re talking about overall time spent over the course of weeks, months, and years. It’s the same with growth in any other dimension. Overall time spent in tension is the irrefutable, inexchangeable ingredient that determines growth rate.

Third, there’s no finishing it. Your flexibility today is exactly that—your flexibility just for today. Tomorrow, it won’t be the same. It’ll either improve or regress—just like every other growth area. Flexibility is as flexibility does. Every day. No way around it. So focus less on finishing and focus more on pacing. A little bit every day beats a lotta bit only sometimes—in more life areas than you might think.

P.s. Need help spending more time in tension? My “Anti-Hustle, Habit Building” Guide is on SALE now…!

Paving The Way Towards Memories

Published on November 9, 2024

An associate of mine pointed out that what we were doing today—by preparing our martial arts students for tournaments and demos—was paving the way for them towards what will hopefully become some of their most fond memories in life.

When we—at least for this associate and I—think back to our days of doing tournaments and martial arts demonstrations, we get all giddy inside and start to fan-boy over some of our favorite big moments.

…Moments we didn’t even realize would become some of our most fond that other instructors paved for us.

…And what a privilege to be able to lead others towards something that may very well end up being the same for them and their lives.

Inner Work Prompt: What are some of the most fond memories of your life? How can you pave the way for an experience like that for others?

“How Can I Be More Self-Disciplined?”

Published on November 7, 2024

A student of mine—maybe 14 years old—asked me for advice yesterday.

She said, “I need your help. I have absolutely no motivation to do my math homework. Like, zero. I know I need to get it done, but I just can’t get myself to start.”

…Oh how relatable that sentiment is.

What she was essentially asking me was, “How can I be more self-disciplined?”

And isn’t that the million dollar question…

And while I’ve written an entire guide on this, the in-person one minute response was something along the lines of: “Listen. I’ll spare you the obvious reasons that I’m sure you’ve already cycled through your head such as increased knowledge, good grades, college applications, etc. And what I’ve learned from decades of doing things I know I needed to do, even when I *really* didn’t want to do them is that if the innate reasons for doing a task don’t motivate me, I should focus on the long term benefits that come from it—from flexing my discipline muscle—instead. Because no muscle could be more important for long-term success than that one. For what even is success but a lagging indicator of what we did yesterday? And the day before that? And before that one? So instead of focusing on stupid math… focus on this being an opportunity to strengthen some of the most important mental muscles of your life.”

…And off she went to do her math homework.

Inner Work Prompt: How would you have answered her question?

Life Without Being

Published on November 6, 2024

Most of us are well conditioned for doing.

Doing is completely aligned with our fast paced, modern world.

So much so that it’s as though our proverbial to-do lists only seem to grow regardless of how many tasks we mark as done.

…And so off to do more we go.

But, what so many of us forget is that just because doing might be aligned with our fast paced, modern world—it doesn’t mean it’s aligned with our rich and complex inner world.

See, what our inner world needs is time to just… be.

It needs time to digest all that’s been done… time to process what you’ve exposed it to… time to reconnect to the present moment and soak in the experience that’s right in front of it minus all of the reoccurring, ceaseless thoughts of what’s been done (past) and what still needs to be done (future).

Being is what’s completely aligned with our inner worlds.

But, of course, things still need to get done.

Just don’t get all disproportional with it and perpetually shove “being” to the bottom of your infinite-scroll to do list.

…Because life without being isn’t a life done at all.

Spare Me

Published on November 3, 2024

Go ahead and talk your talk.

Say what you’re gonna say.

String together some dressed up words and print it on your fancy parchment paper.

…It might catch you a look, return you a call, or get you a foot in the door.

But, what it will not do is walk those feet of yours forward… do the following through on the things you promised you’d do… be what parchment paper is supposed to be to regular paper in real life.

The proof is in the pudding, homie.

So enough with the announcements… spare me the overzealous promises… forget the résumés…

And show me something tangible. Give me a track record. Let’s take a look back and show me how your dots actually connect.

…Words? Words have never been easier. A few clicks and AI can have that done for you in no time.

…Which also means that action? Well, now… it means that actions have never been more valuable.