Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

Life’s Temporary Reminders

Published on November 13, 2024

A buddy of mine messed his ankle up today while sparring.

Shortly after that, I found out my grandmother fell on the weekend and got a pelvic fracture with some displacement.

And before both of these events, one of my employees told me she was going to have to take her great aunt off life support today.

Reminders like this—which is exactly how I try to receive them—should be given space where their true weight can be felt.

…Because what they could serve so powerfully as are reminders of our impermanence… of life’s temporary nature… of our vulnerability.

…Of precisely what makes this life so very precious in the first place.

When you come across an injury in your life—remember to give thanks to what’s uninjured.

When you come across a serious injury—remember to give not just that person a more serious space where they can feel the full weight of your support… but to give the same to yourself… maybe not to feel support, but to feel gratitude for what’s seriously still going right.

When you come across death—don’t hide from it. Don’t just leave others to deal with it. Don’t suppress your feelings about it. Let it give rise to that potent feeling of delicacy… that terrifying feeling of the ticking clock… the thoughts of consciousness fading to black.

And let it serve as just as potent of a reminder… to live.

From “Winging It” To Strategy

Published on November 12, 2024

If you wake up and “wing it”—you’ll always fall victim to what’s urgent and distractionary.

If while you’re winging it, however, you discover there’s something important that you missed, could’ve done better, or did too late… and you create a reminder or system for next time…

Then suddenly you have a strategy.

And the next morning, when you wake up and follow it—you’ll likely notice a few things:

1. You’ll feel a pull to go back to what’s urgent and distractionary. Quick dopamine will always have an appeal, but at the expense of doing what’s meaningful long-term. Keep your prior lessons at the forefront of your mind.
2. You’ll discover something else that’s important that needs to get prioritized. And so the iteration goes. Slowly but surely, you’re strategy will grow and improve and become a productivity force to be reckoned with.
3. You’ll start to feel a little better about what you got done during that day. Quick dopamine wears off and leaves you feeling empty. Getting done important stuff leaves you with a lasting feeling of goodness.

Here’s the thing: we all start by winging it.

…It’s how we figure things out when we don’t have any experience or guidance to reference or fall back on.

But, continuing to wing it is a choice.

And not turning learned experiences into a strategy is a choice.

The question is: What kind of choices are you making in your day-to-day?

P.s. I started uploading quotes from The Win Within by Bert Mandelbaum today. You can grab a copy and read along here.

Take Control or Get Controlled

Published on November 11, 2024

In reply to my post yesterday, one reader quoted the following line:

“Surround yourself with people who feel like a dark cloud or barren desert and you’ll struggle accordingly. Surround yourself with people who act like sun and water and you’ll grow just fine.”

…And said, “…I wish we could hear this on mainstream media.”

To which I replied, “Agreed. Mainstream media is feeling more and more like dark clouds and barren desert by the day. Guess we’ll have to make our own sun and water and surround ourselves with people who think and do the same.”

…Because here’s what’s crucial to understand: the less we try to take control over the amount of sun and water that touches our life, the more we’ll get controlled by the dark clouds and barren deserts.

…Because dark clouds and barren deserts don’t wait patiently for their turn or passively idle in the background of our life… they’re aggressive seekers of power/attention/control and will only continue to succeed in obtaining exactly that the more people (hopefully not us) decide to go with the modern flow and relent.

P.s. I finished uploading quotes from Waking Up by Sam Harris. You can read my 19 favorites here.

Playing Bad (But With The Right People)

Published on November 10, 2024

One of the dads I play basketball with brought his son—maybe 14 years old—to play with us today.

Basketball isn’t this kid’s first choice sport and it was pretty evident that it wasn’t something he practiced very often—it was something he was doing for the fun, the workout, and the connection… very much like myself.

What was cool to see, however, was how inviting and supportive the rest of the crew was with him. It didn’t matter if he rushed a play, shot an airball, or mis-dribbled and got it stolen… everybody was deliberately trying to keep his spirits up and was praising him for taking opportunities when he did.

Like a budding plant… those initial interactions in this new world for him are crucial.

They’re the difference between playing again and quitting; wanting to practice and wanting to avoid; speaking constructively to himself and self-sabotaging.

Surround yourself with people who feel like a dark cloud or barren desert and you’ll struggle accordingly.

Surround yourself with people who act like sun and water and you’ll grow just fine.

P.s. ICYMI you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week here.

Does Family Come First?

Published on November 10, 2024

…Is it true that, as the expression goes, family [should be prioritized] over everything?

No—if you’re talking about prioritizing family over yourself. Yes—if you’re talking about what priority comes first after you. You wouldn’t be doing anybody a service by ignoring your own needs, trying to service others from a state of misery, and—as the proverbial expression goes—fill family members’ cups from your empty one. There’s a bit of a caveat when considering high-need dependents. And even then, the priority of the dependents and the needs of the self should be intricately intertwined and considered with equal priority… looked at as almost one unit instead of two.

No—if your definition of family is limited to blood relatives. Yes—if your definition of family is inclusive of those who have proven to be the most important to you in your life. Proven is the key word. Being a blood relative who can’t be trusted… who has a history of manipulation or abuse… who takes advantage or always seems to have an agenda… shouldn’t be prioritized over someone who has proven themselves—over an extended period of time—to be the exact opposite of that. Family should be defined beyond blood.

Two fundamental keys to feeling fulfilled in life are growth and contribution. Point #1 above speaks to growth. Point #2 speaks to who you should contribute to first and foremostly. Do these two things really well and the rest—everything else—I’d say will fall into place.

Inner Work Prompt: I was asked, “Who is a person you met only once that had an impact on your life?” I answered: The Almonds Guy. What about you?

Paving The Way Towards Memories

Published on November 9, 2024

An associate of mine pointed out that what we were doing today—by preparing our martial arts students for tournaments and demos—was paving the way for them towards what will hopefully become some of their most fond memories in life.

When we—at least for this associate and I—think back to our days of doing tournaments and martial arts demonstrations, we get all giddy inside and start to fan-boy over some of our favorite big moments.

…Moments we didn’t even realize would become some of our most fond that other instructors paved for us.

…And what a privilege to be able to lead others towards something that may very well end up being the same for them and their lives.

Inner Work Prompt: What are some of the most fond memories of your life? How can you pave the way for an experience like that for others?

“How Can I Be More Self-Disciplined?”

Published on November 7, 2024

A student of mine—maybe 14 years old—asked me for advice yesterday.

She said, “I need your help. I have absolutely no motivation to do my math homework. Like, zero. I know I need to get it done, but I just can’t get myself to start.”

…Oh how relatable that sentiment is.

What she was essentially asking me was, “How can I be more self-disciplined?”

And isn’t that the million dollar question…

And while I’ve written an entire guide on this, the in-person one minute response was something along the lines of: “Listen. I’ll spare you the obvious reasons that I’m sure you’ve already cycled through your head such as increased knowledge, good grades, college applications, etc. And what I’ve learned from decades of doing things I know I needed to do, even when I *really* didn’t want to do them is that if the innate reasons for doing a task don’t motivate me, I should focus on the long term benefits that come from it—from flexing my discipline muscle—instead. Because no muscle could be more important for long-term success than that one. For what even is success but a lagging indicator of what we did yesterday? And the day before that? And before that one? So instead of focusing on stupid math… focus on this being an opportunity to strengthen some of the most important mental muscles of your life.”

…And off she went to do her math homework.

Inner Work Prompt: How would you have answered her question?