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Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

Formula For Conversation Confidence

Published on May 27, 2024

Oftentimes I’ll wonder to myself, “What would we even talk about?” as I think about the prospect of getting coffee or lunch with one person or another.

It can feel daunting… the idea of filling an hour or two with conversation.

And yet, it never ceases to amaze me at how seamless it goes when you have the right mix of curiosity + vulnerability/transparency + time apart.

Take that formula with you everywhere you go and I suspect you’ll find that an hour or two often isn’t enough.

P.s. In case you missed it, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

On Feeling Empty Inside

Published on May 25, 2024

I finished uploading quotes from The Prophet today (you can read my 18 favorites here).

My overall favorite is one that echoes an idea I got tattooed on my arm—which is of a majestic exposed roots tree that reminds me that the branches of happiness can only go as high as the roots of sadness go deep. The line from The Prophet goes:

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet (Page 27)

…Which, I found to be another powerful, analogous way to look at and move through sorrow. Because it really does feel like a carving away at your being… which I think is where the descriptions of feeling “empty” or “hollow” or “dead” inside might come from.

But, with that emptiness… with that space… comes a future opportunity.

And it may not happen that day nor may it happen a week or a month after. But, eventually, that space that was carved from sorrow can become precisely the vessel needed to contain more of the opposite… more joy… more wonder… more love… and quite possibly even more than you had room to carry (or could fully appreciate) before.

Won—Not Done

Published on May 24, 2024

It’ll never be all done all at once—there will always be something that needs to be worked on.

I’m reflecting on this as I take this weekend to catch up on all of my indoor and outdoor chores. There are so many things that need to be completed that by the time I’m done with the last item, the first item would need to be done again—and so the circle goes.

This is why it’s healthy to adopt a mindset of, “Won—not done.”

“Done” is a forever fleeting finish line that’ll only frustrate and upset you whenever you try to attain it.

But, “won” is always do-able.

Start by asking yourself: What are the most important tasks to complete that’ll give me a “win” for the day? And then repeat tomorrow.

Collecting “Ws” works a lot better for productivity and mental health than feeling like all you ever do is fall short.

Human Reboots

Published on May 23, 2024

It’s human to want to shut down after a painful experience.

It’s almost as though the magnitude of open processes that hard times bring forth can cause an overwhelm that throttles our internal ability to get anything/everything else done—like how a computer creeps to a halt when we have too many applications, tabs, and background processes open.

…What you can usually do automatically you can’t even get started on; what usually takes ten minutes suddenly takes an hour; what usually feels fun and easygoing feels frustratingly heavy and obligatory.

What’s important during times like this is to recognize the situation for what it is—a time when your system needs to reboot.

…Because trudging onward when your mind is spinning that rainbow-thinking-wheel-of-death isn’t to choose onward at all—it’s completely counterproductive.

What’s needed is a reset. What’s needed is time and space to power down. What’s needed is a clearing of everything that’s already open in the mind—not a stubborn press forward that only continues to open (and throttle) more and more.

One Week Later

Published on May 22, 2024

Welp, at the one week mark, I’m slowly starting to adjust to and accept my new normal.

I’m slowly starting to expect her less when I open the door. I’m slowly starting to leave gates open and no longer blocking rooms off that I want to keep her out of. I’m slowly remembering I don’t need to open the back door when I get out of the shower each morning and that I don’t need to stop by the cupboard before I leave to work and that I don’t need to rush home after work to let her out.

Sometimes it happens automatically—as a programmed response from years of repetition.

And I know that before long, new programmed responses will take their place and these old habits will fade alongside her memory. And I’m learning to be okay with that.

What I’m choosing to deliberately keep, however, are the evening walks. This is the one habit that she helped me adopt that I feel would properly honor her memory if I kept. And each night, after I get home from work, I follow the same route we used to follow and try to carry her legacy with me. One that doesn’t rush. One that stops and smells the roses (or the pee in her case). One that is always grateful to be out… walking… experiencing… being.

P.s. I tagged all of the 1-minute pieces I’ve written that were inspired by Stella over the years. You can read the collection here.

Heaviness Serves A Purpose

Published on May 21, 2024

With heaviness comes slowness, naturally.

And one lesson I’m trying to absorb is that of acceptance—the one that doesn’t fight reality or curse the resistance, but relaxes into the moment for what it is and tries to instead move forward with whatever it presents.

And if heaviness is what I’ve been given, then maybe slowness is how I’m supposed to respond… so that I might stop fighting and cursing and rushing around from place to place and can start intentionally noticing, settling, and feeling instead.

How To Honor Lost Loved Ones

Published on May 20, 2024

One of the best things I think we can do to honor the ones we have lost is create a space where we can regularly bring them to mind and then carry with us the best of their life’s legacy—acting as a vehicle of sorts—so as to continue their and elevate our influence in the world.

It’s almost as though we’re opening the doors to our car each morning and letting them in… the best versions of all of our lost loved ones… so that we can carry them with us throughout our day(s)—rather than rushing from our homes late, flustered, and absent-minded.

…From some we might carry with us their legacy of patience, from others we might bring their legacy of love and kindness, and from others maybe we bring their legacy of strength or humor or resilience—but from each… we bring something.

…Leaving us filled with their memory rather than void from their absence and allowing them (and us) to continue interacting positively and constructively with the world.

Inner work prompt: Bring to mind a lost loved one. Meditate on their life and condense their legacy into a word or lesson you can carry with you today… and maybe every day after as well.