Category: Archives

The full collection of explorations.

How To Change People

Published on June 10, 2021

…You don’t.

People can’t be changed.

They can only choose to change themselves.

What you can do is influence them to choose to change.

What that doesn’t mean: force your influence down their throat.

What that looks like: unsolicited advice; ceaselessly checking to see if they’re following your advice; becoming emotionally invested in their choices.

What unforced influence looks like: living your best life; sharing what you learn with those interested along the way; letting people do with your advice what they may—and not taking any decision(s) personally.

Here’s the thing: other people aren’t yours to change.

Let them choose to live how they may—it’s their life.

The only person you should ever be trying to change is yourself.

Which is, paradoxically, exactly how you best change others.

The Unemotional Movie

Published on June 9, 2021

Imagine watching a movie where the main character is born into a nice family, grows up in a nice neighborhood, enjoys nice experiences, goes to a nice school, gets a nice job, settles down with a nice family—THE END.

No drama. No problems. No conflict.

No creative thinking. No problem solving. No hero journey.

Just one nice scene after the next. One easy step forward after the next. Only happiness, smiles, and victories—and no sadness, depth, or challenge.

Can you think of any such movie? I can’t. And here’s why: they don’t get produced. Why? Because they’re bland. But, also because movies like this are further from the human experience than even the most fantastical sci-fi movies.

If there’s one common goal that all movies share, it’s to evoke an emotional response. And the best way to remove that response is to make everything drama/problem/conflict-free; by flatlining the ebbs and flows; by making everything, just, nice.

The drama is precisely what draws us in—because our lives are dramatic. The problems are what captivate our attention—because our lives are filled with problems. And sharing that experience of drama, problems, conflict—even with fictional characters—is what connects us to the greater experience of being human.

If I were to sit down and watch a playback movie of your life, would you want me to only see the highlight reel of your life? Or would you want me to see what you had to overcome in order to earn your highlight reel? Victory isn’t as sweet without loss. Accomplishment isn’t as meaningful without challenge. The “highs” aren’t as appreciated without the “lows.”

Remember this the next time you confront drama, problems, and conflict—it’s your chance to add some depth, contrast, and feeling to the movie of your life.

Hard Work vs. The Real Hard Work

Published on June 8, 2021

“Most hard work is a form of laziness. The real hard work is in finding a way to make it easy.”
James Pierce, Twitter

Doing construction is hard work. Building a construction company is hard work. Once the right systems and personnel are in place for the company, however, construction becomes easier. Easier, at least, than having to always do all of the front-line construction yourself. When you don’t work hard to find ways to make your work easier, like by building a team, it’s a form of laziness.

Working a 9-5 desk job is hard work. Figuring out how to design a lifestyle that is free from the 9-5 is also hard work. Once the right systems and strategies are in place, however, living a lifestyle with more freedom becomes easier. Easier, at least, than merely forcing yourself to always do 9-5 work with a head full of travel plans. When you don’t work hard to find ways to live with more freedom, like by starting a side hustle, it’s a form of laziness.

Living a healthy lifestyle is hard work. Figuring out how to make healthy living easier is also hard work. Once the right systems and habits are in place, however, living healthy becomes less of a sprint and more of an enjoyable jog. More enjoyable, at least, than continuing to try to lose “30 pounds in 30 days” or trying to “trim 6 inches off your waste in 6 weeks.” When you don’t work hard to figure out how to pace healthy living and habitualize important daily tasks, it’s a form of laziness.

Focus less on hard work. Focus more on the real hard work in your life.

When’s The Last Time You Took A Mind Shower?

Published on June 7, 2021

“Just as you take a shower or bath in the morning to get yesterday’s dirt off your body, you do your spiritual practice in the morning to get yesterday’s thinking off your mind and heart.”
Marianne Williamson, via MoveMe Quotes

If you never take the time to “clean” your mind, of course it’s going to get “dirty.” This shouldn’t come as a surprise. You aren’t surprised when your body gets dirty after not having showered or bathed in a few days, right? We must start to look at our minds the same.

If your thinking is “mudded,” or “stinky” with demeaning thoughts, or covered in negativity, etc., then you need a mind shower, my friend! Here’s what you do:

Set the environment for cleaning. When you shower you turn the water on, take off your clothes, and leave your phone in the other room (hopefully). Likewise, for mind cleaning: turn a timer or background sounds on, “take off” your old thoughts, and leave your phone in the other room.
Use soap, shampoo, and conditioner. For mind cleaning, like showering, just turning the water on and stepping in isn’t enough. You have to actively engage in the cleaning process. Let returning to your breath or a guided meditation be your soap. Let writing your extraneous thoughts down be your shampoo. Let mantra be your conditioner.
Dry yourself off and put on fresh clothes. Come back into the reality of the world with a more clean and clear mind. Dry yourself off with a walk, a visit to nature, or some relaxing activity. And “dress” your mind with some positive reading, fresh conversation, or constructive listening (to podcasts or mentors).

Without regular mind cleaning, you’re going to start to stink—it’s as inevitable as starting to stink without bodily cleaning. Ideally, we should put into place a daily practice, like showering, to keep our minds consistently clean. You can try to cover it up with quick-fixes like deodorant or perfume, but eventually, your stinkiness will seep through. And nobody likes hanging around a smelly mind.

Let’s Take Things Down A Notch

Published on June 5, 2021

When I rush, I forget things. When I take my time, I remember.

When I skip my daily 20 minute power nap, I feel drained for hours. When I remember to take my 20 minute power nap, I feel great for hours.

Likewise, when I skip my daily one hour workout, I feel guilty for the entire rest of the day. When I discipline myself to do it, I feel confident and proud for the rest of the day.

When I pause between tasks, my mind is able to buffer out former tasks and brace for the next ones. When I don’t pause between tasks, I get scatterbrained and carry former tasks into future tasks.

When I give myself one hour to write an entry into MoveMe Daily, like this one, I usually finish in 20 minutes. When I give myself 20 minutes to write an entry, it usually takes me an hour.

Slowing down isn’t a mistake; it’s a strategy.

You Stop Incoming Hits By Hitting Back

Published on June 4, 2021

A friend of mine is going through a rough time. Life is hitting them from all angles. All they want to do is crawl into a ball and hide. In their defense, I think we’ve all been there. I know I have.

But, all this does is move shots from all angles in the front, to all angles at their back. It does nothing to stop the incoming shots—it merely changes the target.

In self-defense situations, you always do everything you can to avoid the fight—but you also defend yourself when necessary. Getting swung at even once is just cause for self-defense. And defending yourself isn’t curing into a ball; defending yourself is hitting back.

This is what you have to do when life decides to hit you, too. You have to hit back. Not by punching, kicking, or elbowing. But, by confronting, transforming, and responding.

Just like you block a punch by confronting it with your arm, you block a problem by confronting it with your mind. Just like you transform a person’s energy against them in Martial Arts, you transform emotional energy into a creative outlet in life. Just like you respond to an aggressor’s attack based on training, you respond to life’s challenges based on experience.

And if you don’t know what to do against an attack and get hit—what do you do? Curl into a ball? Or figure out what went wrong and learn how to defend against it? The latter of course. So, expand your mind! Find the right book. Write to find clarity. Talk to more experienced people. Broaden your understanding. And hit back.

Don’t just give life a different target; make life the target and take your shots.

What Does Disciplined Look Like?

Published on June 3, 2021

First of all, let’s make it clear that disciplined and motivated don’t look the same.

Motivated looks eager, enthusiastic, energized. Motivated looks like a full night of sleep; the first few steps of a long run; the kid that just found out they’re going to Disney Land.

This is not what disciplined looks like.

More often than not, disciplined looks plain faced, crusty-eyed, and heavy-legged. Disciplined looks like a half night of sleep; the most painful part of the run; the kid who just left their fifth Disney ride who is sunburnt, cranky, and thirsty.

Sure, there may be times when disciplined might look like motivated. But, it isn’t often that motivated looks like disciplined. Because when the motivated person hits inevitable walls, gets confronted with tough barriers, faces painstaking challenges—they lose their motivation. And, without discipline, there’s nothing left to carry them through. So they don’t.

Remember this the next time you’re feeling tired, unenthusiastic, and like a worn-out kid at Disney World. Disciplined, more often than not, doesn’t look pretty. If you want your journey to always look pretty, you’ll quickly lose motivation when things get ugly (which they will). It’s only those who are willing to push through the ugly that get the long-term, sustainable pretty rewards.

So, saddle up buttercup and get back to work.