The heart speaks in whispers.
The world YELLS IN ALL CAPS!!
If we don’t find ways to separate ourselves from the YELLS—we’ll never hear the whispers.
I help busy people do inner work.
The full collection of explorations.
The heart speaks in whispers.
The world YELLS IN ALL CAPS!!
If we don’t find ways to separate ourselves from the YELLS—we’ll never hear the whispers.
“Deciding to stop eating sweets and to start eating vegetables are separate psychological functions. The first takes self-control. The second takes self-discipline. You can easily succeed at one and fail at the other. They aren’t the same process!”
Dr. Julia-Marie O’Brien
Self-discipline says “Go,” even when you don’t want to—to do what you know you have to.
Self-control says “No,” even when you might want to say “Yes”—to stop you from doing something you know you shouldn’t.
In the same way self-discipline is built by breaking down seemingly large tasks into manageable chunks (to make “going” easier)—self-control is built by preemptively mitigating temptations before they turn into uncontrollably large ones (to make saying “No” easier).
If improving self-discipline follows a big to small format:
Then improving self-control might follow a small to big format:
While these two words might seem interchangeable, this key difference in these psychological processes should be understood if we hope to improve upon them.
Nobody should care more about your life than you.
Because nobody can ever fully understand your life—and all that it entails—more than you.
So what happens when you care more about what others think than what you think yourself?
And one of the reasons we care so much about what other people think is because we want to fit in and gain their acceptance.
But, what we have to realize is that if we don’t act in ways that is optimally aligned with our deepest wants, needs, and desires—we become irritable, frustrated, and confused.
Because that’s how being out of alignment feels.
The ironic truth is that the path towards acceptance with others is the path that leads towards acceptance of self first.
Because when we are in alignment with our deepest wants, needs, and desires—we become joyful, unbothered, and confident. And THAT is what attracts the people of your tribe who bring with them fitting in and acceptance.
Fulfillment isn’t something that can ever be outsourced.
No matter how well intentioned and good-willed the other people in your life might be.
…It can only ever be sourced from within.
What if I told you that today, you will be exposed to messages that were deliberately designed to destroy your inner peace…
Would you approach your day differently?
Would you guard your mind more intently?
Would you more carefully choose your company?
…Because here’s the thing: you will be.
Understand this: we are a vessel that carries either water or gas to and from each of our daily interactions—it’s rarely anything else.
With that in mind, our mission becomes quite clear.
We must take the time needed to fill ourselves up each day until we are overflowing with “water” rather than allowing our internal chemistry to unwillingly produce and start spewing “gas.”
Then, with every “fire” we cross, we have to let what comes from inside of us dilute the harsh flames rather than further enrage their fury.
After all, do we want to be contributors to even more uncontrollable chaos in the world? Or do we want to be the facilitators of fresh air?
And to my idealist friends out there: the key isn’t to let the number of fires in the world—or their size—intimidate you to inaction.
The most grandiose plan to extinguish all fires in the world pales in comparison to the fire that’s actually put out in your own backyard.
Today, as you embark on the path of your day—be water, my friend.
And focus on the actual flames that present themselves at each step along the way.
You can be plump in the middle of a crowd and still feel lonely.
Lonely doesn’t have to do with being around people.
It has to do with being around the right people.
How do you find the right people you ask?
When you stop turning left, of course.
No, seriously.
You find yourself in the wrong groups because you’re turning into them. If you’re not connecting with the people on your “left,” go “right.”
In other words, question the choices you’re making. Are the people around you making you feel seen, heard, and connected? Or the opposite? Likewise, do you feel like you can genuinely see, hear, and connect with those around you? Or not so much?
If the vibe is off then it’s time to honor new curiosities; learn new skills; join new clubs; try new challenges; volunteer with new organizations—it’s time to turn “right.”
And if you’re having a hard time figuring out what “right” might look like, then you need to spend more time with yourself.
Because if you aren’t connected with yourself (and your own aptitudes/interests/curiosities), how is anybody else supposed to be able to connect with you?
Step 1: Figure out who you are.
Step 2: Go where people like you go.
Step 3: Introduce yourself to those people.
Step 4: Make friends with those who introduce themselves back.