Month: October 2024

When Do You Feel Most Loved By Me?

Published on October 31, 2024

I was watching a video today that concluded with the following question: “Tell me about a time when you’ve felt most loved by me…”

A son answered: “After my last high school football game, when it was just me and you in the parking lot… just embracing each other and I was just crying because it was my last game. That was kind of like you sending me off in a way…”

A daughter answered: “The thing that really stands out for me is how you always supported me. The way that you saw I loved something and really helped nurture it. It was always special to know that whenever I looked up into the stands you were always going to be there 99% of the time.”

A mother answered: “When I had my heart attack… You came to the hospital… and you were really firm with me… and you almost made me feel guilty for having a heart attack… and I told your siblings, ‘I can’t die because Caitlyn will beat the sh*t out of me.’ And I knew that was because you loved me so much.”

A father answered: “I came home from work and you were in the front yard doing a video… maybe a snapchat or something… and you saw me pull up and said, ‘Hey dad, come here!’ And you had this pretty cool rap song playing… and I did my ‘old, white man dance…’ and I looked like and idiot… but I felt like you accepted me… and that you weren’t ashamed of your goofy looking dad.”

Inner Work Prompt: If somebody asked your loved ones this question… how do you think they’d respond?

Who’s Stopping You From Growing?

Published on October 30, 2024

Is what’s stopping you from growing contingent on somebody else or yourself?

Are you waiting for somebody else to show you the way forward? Are you waiting for somebody else’s permission to do what you know needs to be done? Are you basing what you do and how you act every day on other people’s moods, how they pay you, and/or how they set up the environment’s you’re in?

Here’s the thing: the only person stopping you from growing is and only ever will be you.

The only way forward shown to you by others is the way they think works best—based on their unique life experiences—not yours.

When reflecting on permission, ask yourself if there’s another avenue forward that isn’t being guarded. Or consider the idea of doing what you know is necessary to grow and asking for forgiveness later—once you’ve leveled up… rather than waiting passively for permission all your life… and staying boxed up.

Basing what you do on other people’s moods, how they pay you, environments they’ve set up is throttling your potential. People’s moods will always be outside of your control. How people pay you is (should be) dependent on how much value you bring—not merely doing what’s expected of you within the confines of a job description. The environment is everything. If you can’t grow, heal, or influence it—leave it. Keeping yourself planted in a toxic environment is killing your growth.

There are endless choices that can be made. And when you’re considering each of them, forget blame. Point the finger at yourself and consider using growth as your north star.

…It’ll never lead you astray.

Advice From Neil Gaiman and My Mom on Writing / Creating

Published on October 29, 2024

The other day, while spending time with my mom, she asked how my writing/creating journey has been going.

After telling her, I asked her the same.

And during her response she mentioned this idea of a clearing that’s been circling in my mind ever since.

She essentially said she hasn’t started any of her personal writing/creating projects because she still has a decent project workload that’s keeping her busy as is. And she said what she imagines herself doing to better honor her muse is create a clearing in her schedule where she can just sit and ruminate… uninterrupted and without obligation of any kind… maybe even for days at a time.

And with that clearing, she imagined not binge watching her favorite Ion TV episodes, but letting her creative juices flow and seeing what comes up.

And it reminded me of something Neil Gaiman said when he was asked how he found inspiration to create, to which he said something along the lines of: I get myself bored.

The problem in today’s world, he adds, is that it’s really hard to get bored. There are millions of people online just waiting to entertain us with a thumb tap or two…

But, if we can manage it, boredom is the springboard for ideas. It’s where our mind starts to daydream, drift, remix, and wander… it’s when it starts to actively try to entertain itself.

And so this is the insight I’m currently playing with in my life: how can I create more clearings in my schedule? How can I deliberately get myself into more states of boredom? How can I create a space where my muse will more frequently visit?

Energy Up Front

Published on October 28, 2024

I read something today that said, “It takes just as much energy to start the task as it does to delay.”

And I definitely disagree.

In today’s world, it’s never been easier to delay. And not only that, but the instant gratification that comes from delaying via distraction and dopamine hitting makes it highly rewarding to delay.

Whereas doing something that isn’t instantly rewarding, gives no dopamine hits, and is filled with natural resistance is undoubtedly harder and requires more energy—how could it not be? We have to fight, not just against the initial resistance of the task, but against the temptation that’s trying to suck our energy away and back into delay tasks.

It’s like saying it takes just as much energy to start a run around the block as it does to stay in bed and sleep in. Nope, sure doesn’t.

Here’s what I think: the conversation shouldn’t be around how much energy it takes to start… it should be around how much pain it saves you from in the end.

Sure starting a run around the block takes a bunch more up front energy than sleeping in, but it saves you from a bunch more future pain because of the delayed health benefits. And so it is with cleaning because of the delayed peace of mind benefits. And so it is with creating because of the delayed meaning benefits. And so it is with countless other growth oriented tasks.

The key is to consider your future self and do what you know is going to be good for them… even when—especially when—it requires a little more energy up front.

Being Whelmed With Infinity

Published on October 27, 2024

There is no insignificant moment.

There is no moment unworthy of your attention.

There is no space during your waking hours when the moments don’t count.

But this also doesn’t mean that every moment of your life needs to make it to your life’s highlight reel.

…When every moment is a highlight—no moment is a highlight.

All that’s required for a moment to be fulfilled is a complete and full attention.

With each moment comes an infinite array of things to soak in via our senses, things to process and act on, and directions we can choose to head.

The trick to not getting overwhelmed with this is not getting too far ahead while simultaneously not thinking too far behind.

The goal is to be whelmed with the infinity of the moment—and to deliberately subtract the “over” by being sufficiently submerged in the now.

Take it all in, y’all. Take none of it for granted. And take with you as many fulfilled moments as you can from this infinitely potential-ed day.

P.s. ICYMI, you can read the best of what I posted to MoveMe Quotes last week, here.

Sponges Do What Sponges Do

Published on October 27, 2024

I saw a man carrying a baby today.

And for whatever reason, the contrast made me think about how that adult man was carrying what would eventually be an adult man in due time.

And then the thought of an adult man carrying an adult man made me chuckle.

But then, I thought about how these soon-to-be adults are sponges that soak in every waking experience as information that influences them to become the adults they eventually become.

And how there really is no un-influential experience—everything is either being recognized and processed consciously or is seeping in via the periphery and is being stored for what it’s worth unconsciously.

And how damn important it is to pay attention to the kinds of experiences we’re soaking in on a daily basis. Because don’t get it twisted: there is no un-influential experience. We’re either growing or atrophying; healing or regressing; learning or losing—with each soaked in moment of our day.

And don’t think for a second that you’re any different than that baby. Sure, they’re sponge might be a little more absorbent at their youthful age—but yours works in the same damn way. Sponges do what sponges do—even if they’re a little older.

Candles Aren’t Made For Boxes

Published on October 25, 2024

It doesn’t matter how many other wicks the unlit candle touches—or for how long—the unlit candle won’t light any others.

The candle would be much better off forgetting about the other wicks and focusing on lighting its own.

…And there’s no shortage of fire sources in this world.

It’s just that, oftentimes, the candle becomes too preoccupied admiring the flame of others… it gets self-conscious and fearful about what others might think about how it burns from its wick… it decides it might be better off staying inside its box and watching the other candles from afar.

…But, candles aren’t made for boxes.

Candles are made for lighting.

And not only do lit candles combat the world’s darkness… but, they lose nothing by lighting the wicks of others… and compared to the unlit candle’s work, leads to exponential returns.