Month: December 2023

“I Am Not The Dancing Type”

Published on December 23, 2023

At a recent holiday party that was being hosted at the school I teach at, I put on fun dance music, had a big group of kids make a circle and told them to copy whoever was voted to go into the middle.

The kids who were voted in danced, jumped, spun, cartwheeled, ran, slid, kicked, ducked, jumping jacked, wormed, can opened, back bent, and so much more—with very little hesitation or self-consciousness. And there was a 100% participation rate.

After a few rounds of that, I told the kids to just dance however they wanted to—that there was no need to copy any more. And they all pretty much did.

…Except one little boy who couldn’t have been older than seven who came up to me and said, “I am not the dancing type.”

Which was curious to me because he participated and moved the entire time we were in the copying rounds.

So I responded as unhesitatingly as I could and said, “That’s okay, you don’t have to be. Just keep copying the other kids and don’t worry what anybody else thinks.”

And so he agreed and went off jumping, spinning, cartwheeling, running, sliding, kicking, ducking, jumping jacking, worming, can opening, back bending, and so much more.

I don’t know how he came to the conclusion—at seven—that he wasn’t the “dancing type,” but what I saw was a kid who was “dancing” just as good as any other on that floor.

And it was a wonderful reminder that the words that follow “I am…” follow you. So be VERY careful what words you choose to fill in that blank with.

Your Future Self Is Real

Published on December 22, 2023

Most of us never think about our four year away self.

We mostly think about our today self.

And our today self is too busy to learn a new skill.

…Too tired to start a new book.

..Too lazy to build a new creation.

But, for those who find a way to get their today self to start the process of learning that new skill, reading that new book, and building that new creation… get to eventually step into a version of themself who makes them look back at older versions with a bit of cringe and embarrassment.

This is real.

And our future self is real.

And those who can learn to treat their future self like a real person are the ones who get to step into their more highly realized version(s).

Because busy, tired, and lazy soon enough lead to a regressed version of our future self. One who makes us envy where we once were. And the thought of our best days being behind us isn’t a motivating way to move forward at all…

P.s. Are you serious about realizing the potential of your future self? Both of my guides are on sale for a few more days. More here.

Using Easy To Find Alignment

Published on December 21, 2023

What’s the easiest exercise you’ve ever done?

What’s the easiest reading you’ve ever done?

What’s the easiest writing you’ve ever done?

What’s the easiest work you’ve ever done?

What’s the easiest connecting you’ve ever done?

…Because one thing is for sure, not all exercise, reading, writing, working, or connecting is created equal.

By reflecting on all of the different ways you’ve tried to accomplish the above tasks, think carefully back to the times when it was easiest for you to complete them. Thinking about times when it was hardest for you might help guide you in the right direction as well.

The answer(s) you come up with provide pivotal insights that will help you come into alignment with these pivotal life tasks. And the more aligned you are, the less resistance you’ll feel, and the more likely you’ll be to continue doing them day-in and day-out.

If the task you’re trying to make a habit of is misery inducing… you’re out of alignment. And it’s only a matter of time before you quit and yo-yo your way back to where you started.

If the task you’re trying to make a habit of feels relatively easy (compared to all the other ways of doing it)… you’re in alignment. And until you find another way of doing it that’s more in alignment… there will be no reason for you to quit or yo-yo because you’re already doing it in the easiest way possible.

…Which is an excellent strategy for building pivotal lifestyle habits in 2024.

Challenge Old Beliefs

Published on December 20, 2023

When teaching push-ups, after proper form is discussed, the next big criteria I lay out for students is full range of motion.

If we want to fully develop the muscles being worked, we need to take those muscles through their full range of motion.

With this in mind, for those who aren’t able to do push-ups off their knees, I encourage them to put their knees down, keep their back as flat as they can, and do reps as fully as they’re able. Better that than 20% down, 20% uppers.

By doing this, they meet themselves where they are, will build quality strength through persistence, and can increase reps as they go—eventually working their way to off-the-knee push-ups when ready.

During a recent physical exam, while watching my students doing push-ups, a guest instructor made a comment I liked.

He said, “I understand many of you need to do push-ups on your knees, but try at least the first one off your knees.”

And the point he went on to explain was that many times we pigeon-hole ourselves into a certain way of doing things, with old limits in mind, and—whether consciously or unconsciously—mostly stay within those previously defined constraints.

By doing the first one(s) off our knees and at least giving ourselves a quality eccentric contraction as we slowly lower ourselves to the ground, not only do we expose our muscles to the weight of our eventual goal, but we—whether consciously or unconsciously—remind ourselves that we’re capable of doing more than we previously might’ve decided.

…Because we are.

P.s. Need help building habits that stick? My guide will help (and it’s on sale).

A Case Against BIG Goals

Published on December 19, 2023

If you’re the type of person who likes to set BIG goals, but usually only commits small effort or only lasts for short periods of time… might I suggest doing the opposite this year…

There’s nothing inherently wrong with BIG goals… but, there is a problem with not following through on what you say you’re going to do. The problem slowly becomes one of self-belief and self-trust.

Saying you’re going to do something that you don’t end up doing has the same impact on your inner relationship as it does with a spousal or friendly relationship. Tell your wife you’re going to give her the world and yet haven’t even delivered a bouquet of flowers… and you’re going to develop trust issues. Tell your friend you’d do anything for them, but can’t make time to hang out with them once in a month? …And, again, you’re going to develop trust issues.

Back to my original suggestion…

What if, this year, you set a small goal, but delivered on it in a HUGE way?

What if you read one page of a book every day for the entire year?

…Or did five push-ups every day for the entire year?

…Or spent ten minutes every day completely present and undistracted with your family?

The benefit would be two-fold. First, you’ll get the inherent benefit of the task compounded over an extended period of time. But, second, and this is the real key… you’ll start building/ repairing self-belief and self-trust.

…So that when you say you’re going to do something, you (they) actually believe it.

Talk Goals Crumble

Published on December 18, 2023

Anyone can say, “My goal is to read 100 books in 2024” or “My resolution is to exercise every day” or “This year, I’m going to make six figures online.”

And in many cases… this is as far as people will go with goal setting… saying it.

Which is why… when the excitement of the new year wanes… and a few curveballs are thrown… and there’s sleepiness… Talk Goals crumble.

…Because the only thing holding them up is a weak frame of verbal commitment that’s based on an external energy source (the new year).

All goals should be Systems Goals that can be kept in place regardless of motivation levels, curve balls, and/or sleepiness.

In fact, good systems take each of the above factors into account ahead of time, EXPECT them to happen, and have an action plan ready to be deployed when they do.

Let’s take reading 100 books as an example. If we assume the average book length is 300 pages, then you’d have to read ~82 pages per day to reach 100 books by the end of the year (100 books x 300 pages each = 30,000 total pages / 365 days = ~82 pages per day).

So the system would be read 100 pages every day at [x] time in [x] place and to read at least ONE page on the curveball days, of which, you’ve accounted one day per week for (by reading more on the other days).

Obviously, personalize accordingly (my guide was built to help you do exactly this).

Bottom line: before you commit to a goal, rigorously inspect and question the system(s) you’d have to commit to in order to achieve that goal. THEN commit.

Raindrops

Published on December 17, 2023

There’s something primal about playing in the rain.

We spend so much of our time worrying about how we look, trying to keep dry, dodging the literal and metaphorical raindrops of our modern day world… that it almost feels rebellious and freeing to just say EFFIT! …And spend a few hours soaking in it all.

…And not only disregard how we look and disregard all cares about getting wet (physically and metaphorically)… but, allow ourselves to, as we all have at distinct times in our lives, feel the rain once again.

P.s. I also published: 40 Bessel van der Kolk Quotes on Trauma and Healing from The Body Keeps The Score