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Month: February 2022

Criticism Surgery

Published on February 21, 2022

Want to learn how to become shielded from the unsolicited, hateful, derogatory critiques of others? Stamp this onto your brain:

Don’t accept criticism from people you wouldn’t go to for advice.

  • Someone called you dumb? Would you ever ask this person for their honest opinion on your character? No? Then why listen to them when you didn’t ask?
  • Someone hated on your creation? Is this the type of person who actually understands this type of creation and can genuinely comment? No? Then why take their comment to heart?
  • Someone said something rude or hurtful? If I told you to list your top 5 favorite people to get advice from, would this person be on that list? No? Then why let them on that list now?

And if the answer is ever, “Yes”—you would go to this person for advice—then it’s important to reflect on the following:

(1) Is this the best person for you to be going to for advice? People who give advice in hateful, derogatory, negative ways may cause more harm to our path forward than benefit.

(2) If the answer is still yes, then, assuming there is anything constructive in their feedback, we must train our minds to surgically remove the gems from the emotional weight that burdens and collapses in on what’s said.

Because here’s the bottom line: feedback won’t always come in a pretty package.

And if we can learn how to accept what’s useful, how to disregard what (and who) is not, and how to keep ourselves in mentally healthy places so we can conduct criticism surgery with precision and poise at even a moment’s notice—our growth will become inevitable.

Building Bridges Takes Two

Published on February 20, 2022

Worth noting about bridges: it takes effort from two sides.

You can construct a bridge a majority of the way from one side towards the other—but, without the consent from the other side—the bridge will remain incomplete.

And an incomplete bridge isn’t a bridge at all.

It’s an untravellable construction site.

How hopeful or desperate you might be for the bridge to be completed is irrelevant.

What’s relevant is the other side’s reciprocated response.

Without that, we might as well build our bridge(s) elsewhere.

Because untravellable construction sites don’t do anybody any good.

Especially not those who commit all of their resources to doing the constructing.

That Painful Thing

Published on February 19, 2022

You know what hurts more than doing that painful thing now?

Doing that painful thing later.

It’ll be the same painful thing, but add to it all of the painful thinking between now and then and stack it all on your shoulders?

Yeah, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but just do that painful thing now.

Your shoulders could do without all of that extra weight.

Unlocking Productivity

Published on February 18, 2022

Speeding up when you’re busy is like:

  • Flooring it on a car that’s overheating
  • Trying to push mudded pond sediments to the pond floor
  • Opening more applications on an overwhelmed computer

When you’re busy, unlocking productivity happens from slowing down.

Not the opposite.

Stale Relationships

Published on February 17, 2022

It can be easy to take our loved ones for granted.

Especially when they seamlessly become a part of our daily lives.

Like running water, our internet connection, and the roof over our heads—we soon enough just expect them to be there when we wake up in the morning.

And the more that becomes the expectation—the less gratitude we’re likely to show.

Until eventually, we show no gratitude at all.

Until suddenly, we start letting stupid small things take control of our minds and turn what was once gratitude for wonderful miracles into generally misguided feelings of spite, frustration, and disregard.

And for no other reason than because we forgot.

  • We forgot to see our loved ones with fresh eyes.
  • We forgot to hear our loved ones with fresh ears.
  • We forgot to deliberately prioritize the miracles over the minutiae.

And slowly, slowly—our forgetfulness becomes the very reason that fresh love turns stale.

Just as surely as the fresh fruit that sits in our fridge for too long will go stale—so too will the unattended relationships.

We must learn to keep breathing fresh life into what’s at risk of expiring.

Because love, no matter how strong it starts out, can always become stale with time.

The Marathon Of Your Life

Published on February 16, 2022

Running a marathon is hard.

Taking one stride, however, is easy.

The reason marathons are hard is because they are composed of around 39,733 consecutive strides.

Taking that many strides in a row will take an incredible toll on even the most fit amongst us.

And to those who aren’t fit, prepared, or mentally calloused enough (as David Goggins would say)—taking that many strides in a row simply isn’t possibly.

Until it is.

See, most of us are smack in the middle of marathons right now.

They are the marathons of our life. For example:

  • We’re on day 47 of our 2022 goal streaks.
  • We’re on day 707 of managing our mental health amidst a global pandemic.
  • We’re on day _____ of our careers/educations (I’m on day ~6,022 of being a professional Martial Arts Instructor).

And we have a lifetime of strides ahead of us.

If we start running too fast on any of these days, we’ll impact our performance on the following days.

If we succumb to distraction and comfort and stop taking strides at all, we’ll never finish our marathons.

And while cheering other people on from the sidelines can be fun and rewarding—it pales in comparison to the joy and reward that comes from crossing the finish line ourselves.

The average person lives 25,915 days.

This is your marathon.

Once you identify what you want your strides to represent—your life’s task becomes easy.

Just one stride each day to contribute to the beautiful accumulation of strides that is your marathon.

And no sense in rushing to this ending (your death).

Better would be to find ways to maximally align with and enjoy each stride.

Godspeed.

The 5 Languages of Love

Published on February 15, 2022

Falling in love is easy.

Staying in love—well, that’s the hard part.

This morning, I was introduced to The 5 Languages of Love and was deeply moved.

Understanding each of these languages will undoubtedly make staying in love—easier. They are:

I. Words of Affirmation: Language in its raw form, we have to genuinely express the things we love about our loved one. Love unexpressed isn’t love at all.

II. Quality Time: What we give the weight of our attention to is indicative of where our true priorities lie. Even if what’s being shared with us isn’t of interest to us. We have to learn how to make what’s important to them, as important to us, as they are to us.

III. Receiving Gifts: Being able to give a gift effectively shows that time was spent thinking and preparing something specifically for them while we weren’t with them. What’s important isn’t the price of the gift. What’s important is how much heart we put into preparing it. Which always shows.

IV. Acts of Service: Giving with the expectation of receiving in return isn’t giving at all—it’s a transaction. This is not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about giving for the sake of giving. We’re talking about committing random acts of service. Because doing a chore, task, or favor without being asked to and without any spite or expectation—is love in its purest form.

V. Physical Touch: Hugging, kissing, caressing, squeezing, holding, massaging, embracing, soothing, etc. These are all explicit demonstrations of our love. Which are just as important as each of the above mentioned implicit demonstrations.

Take time each day to feel your lover’s presence, too.